Captains meeting

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by BillyMac

For years, my ex-wife used to hassle me about calling my best friend's parents, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", rather than, "Bob" and, "Marge". I'm as "old school" as they come when it comes to manners, and being polite, and respectful.

However, for over thirty-one years, I have been introducing myself to captains as, "Billy Mac". In literally thousands of games, I have never had a player address me as either, "Billy", or, "Mr. Mac". Never. Ever.

It does not really matter to what you say in the introduction, but I want to make it clear I am not their peer. I save the first name to people I meet socially. I am not talking to players and even coaches in this situation socially. And it is not unusual to meet up with coaches socially in many situations in my experience. Even when you know a coach I still introduce myself as if we have never met before a game.

Peace

[zm1283]

Originally Posted by mj

I like to be referred by my first name as I'm not big on titles. I also refer to coaches by their first name but I may be in the minority on doing that in my area. I even look them up prior to the game if I don't know them.


It's what works for me, do what works for you...

Me too. I'm not big on titles and even thought I introduce myself by my first name to players before the game, I don't think I have ever had one call me by the during the game. They forget by the time the game starts anyway.

Originally Posted by JRutledge

Well then I will be on a high horse then. I was raised in a place where adults were adults and children were children. Sorry if you like your kids talking to you any kind of way and the only way they can show respect is not to curse at you. That was not acceptable in my world. No wonder kids do the things they do today. You want to be their friend rather than being the one responsible for them or the authority figure.

Peace

This post sounds like some old crank saying "Get off my lawn!".

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by zm1283

Me too. I'm not big on titles and even thought I introduce myself by my first name to players before the game, I don't think I have ever had one call me by the during the game. They forget by the time the game starts anyway.



This post sounds like some old crank saying "Get off my lawn!".

It can sound any way you like. But when I played ball and sports and if I even thought to act like these kids do today, my parents would have went out on the court and pulled me off the court themselves. Then my coach would have ran the crap out of us for doing these things. I could not even think to speak to an official let alone question anything they did. As I said before, on wonder kids act the way they do, we have adults that are too worried about being liked by them.

Peace

[Adam]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

As I said before, on wonder kids act the way they do, we have adults that are too worried about being liked by them.

Peace

Not that you care, but this is perhaps the most insightful thing I've ever read from you.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by Snaqwells

Not that you care, but this is perhaps the most insightful thing I've ever read from you.

Really don't care.

Peace

[Ignats75]

Back off on Rut. Not that he needs my help. He said before its a cultural thing. Let it go at that. In the south and in African American circles, Mr. and Mrs. is used as a sign of respect. I grew up in a racially mixed neighborhood. Even when we were very close, I still called my elders Mr. Al or Miss Bessie. It was just a sign of respect.

Personally, I always introduce myself with my first name. I have never been addressed during the game as anything other than "Ref" or "Sir". Well, not counting moron, stripes, idiot, et. al. by fans.

[Rich]

To me, it's amazing how some people can get so worked up over what, to me, is window dressing (Rich vs. Mr. MyLastName) and yet don't think a 12-year old saying "You suck" to an official (see the other thread) warrants a flagrant technical foul.

I'd rather be called Rich and have genuine respect shown me than be called Mr. Anything and not have genuine respect for me or my position. Keep the window dressing. Call me anything you like as long as you treat me appropriately when something doesn't go your way.

And to me, that's one of the things wrong today -- too few coaches willing to tell a player, "That behavior is unacceptable, you're done for the day" when a kid gets whacked for behavior. Instead, the coach wants to argue the technical foul and tell the kid (out of earshot) that he did nothing wrong. Of course, that's where the kids get this behavior from -- either the coach models this behavior or doesn't step on it when his players exhibit those behaviors.

[VaTerp]

I don't think anyone is really worked up over this.

As you said, it's window dressing. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter because kids should not, and in my case have NEVER, addressed me by my first OR last name during a game.

It's a personal preference for a captain's meeting intro that last no more than 30 seconds.

But Rich, you're the one who sort of made it an issue by saying you get a kick out of other officials who prefer to introduce themselves as "Mr." and then you step in using your first name as if it somehow makes you more approachable or less stuffy or whatever it is you think it does.

Again, to me it does not matter as no player is addressing by either. Sometimes I use my first name, but increasingly I just shake hands and do a generic greeting without my name.

As a former teacher and director of youth camps and rec programs, I do see where Rut is coming from though. Kids are absolutely more disrespectful today than they were when I was in high school in the mid 90s, and I'm sure we were more disrespectful then kids growing up in years prior. And a big reason for that is parents and adults who are more concerned about being liked and being their friends than they are about being a parent/adult and setting proper boundaries.

I don't think using your first name at a captain's meeting is part of that problem but I also see absolutely nothing wrong with adults who introduce themselves to teenagers with a "Mr. or Mrs." in any setting, including a captain's meeting.

[mj]

Never say never. Earlier this year during a dead ball substitute wait, I told a captain who was inbounding "I like the way you play Megan, you play hard all the time." Her response, "Thank you.........thank you Mark"

First time ever and it made my night on an otherwise crappy night.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by VaTerp

But Rich, you're the one who sort of made it an issue by saying you get a kick out of other officials who prefer to introduce themselves as "Mr." and then you step in using your first name as if it somehow makes you more approachable or less stuffy or whatever it is you think it does.

I love Rich, but this I totally agree with you on this one. Rich started the "I am Rich" thing.

For the record I will say again, I always say my full name to captains and coaches. They are not allowed to call me by my first name in this setting.

Peace

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by VaTerp

...
But Rich, you're the one who sort of made it an issue by saying you get a kick out of other officials who prefer to introduce themselves as "Mr." and then you step in using your first name as if it somehow makes you more approachable or less stuffy or whatever it is you think it does.

...

Exactly. He was the first one to make a big deal about it. Basically saying (and has for years in when this subject has come up) that anybody who doesn't introduce themselves to the kids by their first name is an a$$-hole.

Originally Posted by VaTerp

...I think I will go the full name route from now on as I do with coaches. The other week I did a Montrose Christian game where their star player introduced himself by his full name, "Justin Anderson." First time I think I've heard a player do so.

I kinda laughed and thought to myself, "I know your name, you stiffed my alma mater by decommitting and signing with UVA..."

I've officiated many of his AAU games. One of the nicest kids I've ever encountered in officiating.