Your funny stories

[NCASAUmp]

So lay 'em out, fellow blues. Give us some of your funniest stories of things you've said/done to coaches or players.

Tonight, I had a conversation on the bases that went like this...

Me: Hey, 2nd, did you bring an extra pair of shoes tonight?
F4: Yeah, why?
Me: Well, when you get into your dugout, can you change your shoes out for me?
F4 (concerned): Sure... What's wrong?
Me: Those are fast pitch shoes. You can't wear fast pitch shoes in slow pitch.
F4 (shocked): What? Oh man... How can you tell?
Me: I can see the little logo on the backs of your shoes.
F4: No way... Oh crap...

A couple minutes later, I'm heading back to B from making a call at 3B, and I see F4 lifting up his pants legs and trying to look at the backs of his shoes.

I'm evil.

[grunewar]

Embarrassing Moment

Started a thread at the Baseball Forum with "embarrassing stories" you might find funny......some real classics.

[gdc25]

Sunday Rec (Beer) League, Slow Pitch, 1-man system. Player is giving me a good natured hard time about a call early in the game. Same player @ the Short Stop position kicks an easy one hopper allowing the BR to beat the throw to 1b... I make the sell call... "Safe on the booted ball by the short stop."

[tcannizzo]

12-U League Game with time limit and drop dead.
Score is tied in 8th inning.
Visitors do not score.
I tell home team coach, "If you don't score, game will end in a tie". He says OK.
I tell visiting team coach, "If home team doesn't score, game will end in a tie."
He: "What if they do score?"
Me: "Then the game won't end in a tie."

[ASA/NYSSOBLUE]

WARNING: NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT

Its a Sunday morning, 35+ mens semi-modified league. The protagonists are (names changed to protect the innocent): Joe, an african american player who, while being a nice guy, couldn't hit cow poop in a barnyard, and his teammate. Bill. I, of course have the Plate.

First two times up in this game, Joe, as usual has taken three weak swings at pitches, and sat down. Third time up, guess what? Joe has two quick strikes on him. Bill, is in the dugout, apparently keeping score...or at least, looking at the scorebook. As the P starts his motion, Bill, in a friendly way, yells out the following:

HEY JOE, YOU GOT A CHANCE TO BE THE FIRST BLACK MEMBER OF THE KKK CLUB!!!! , and then in rapid succession:

Joe cracks up, falling backwards, out of the batter's box

The pitch, of course, is right down the pipe, and me, not being able to resist, give the big, Enrico Pallazo overhand strike 3

EVERYbody on both sides starts DYING - including me, using my momentum from my overhand strike to get me over to the nearby stands to sit, cause I am laughing so hard, I am CRYING. Meanwhile infielders and guys on base are rolling around in the dirt they are laughing so hard, and my partner is literally holding himself to keep from falling down laughing.

It took a good ten minutes for everyone to get a hold of themselves...

[grunewar]

Originally Posted by tcannizzo

12-U League Game with time limit and drop dead.
Score is tied in 8th inning.
Visitors do not score.
I tell home team coach, "If you don't score, game will end in a tie". He says OK.
I tell visiting team coach, "If home team doesn't score, game will end in a tie."
He: "What if they do score?"
Me: "Then the game won't end in a tie."

Here's Your Sign!

[NCASAUmp]

During a state church SP tourney, I was behind the plate. The pitch came in, hit the corner of the plate and bounced up RIGHT into the batter's crotch.

I held up my hand, looked at the batter and said, "you all right?"

And in a thick Jersey accent, the batter replied, "Oh yeah, my ex-wife took those from me a long time ago."

Took me a while to regain my composure.

[Andy]

I'm on the plate for a JO FP game, can't remember which age group.

A fan comes and plants his lawn chair directly behind me right up on the backstop and starts bi*ching about my strike zone.

After about an inning and half of this, I casually stroll toward the backstop between innings....

"Sir, that plate is only 17 inches wide and my a$$ is far wider than that so how can you see anything to complain about?"

He just looked kind of shocked and stood up and moved his chair off to one side. I didn't hear anything else from him the rest of the game!

[RadioBlue]

In a Rec slow-pitch league (before the days of the mat), one team was continually complaining about my strike zone. Finally, I called "time", wandered to the complaining dugout, sat down, and called "play ball". With an incredulous look on his face, I told the pitcher to pitch. After the pitch landed, I said questioningly, "strike?" Then, I looked at the manager of the team and with a smile on my face I said, "Tommy, I'm absolutely positive I have a better look from behind the plate than I do here in the dugout. I think I'm gonna go back there behind the plate for the rest of the night."

Never heard another word. Thank heavens the batter took the pitch.

[ChampaignBlue]

Working a double header slow pitch league. Rookie partner. Two teams that when they play each other tend to take trash talk to an art form. I generally got assigned their double headers because I had a knack for knowing when it moved from good natured to mean and kept it in line. I told rookie I'd take the plate first game so he could get a feel and to just play along.

Naturally, the trash is flying and after a ball call the pitcher says "You're killing me blue". I call time, glance over to my partner who thinks it's about to hit the fan, brush the plate real good, "Can you see the plate OK now Dollar?" A good time was had by all after that.

[MD Longhorn]

Had a first-game of season ending tourney once with seed 1 against seed 8. Seed 1 is winning, but lethargic and cocky. Coach has enough and after a regular call, calls time and comes out. Pulls a Gene Hackman, and I obligingly toss him - team plays more seriously after that.

Told a friend who was also a board member. Board called him (and me) in, and completely seriously told him he couldn't coach the 2nd game of the tourney and further, if he won the tourney (he did), he could not coach all-stars due to the ejection. Coach pled his case to no avail for at least 20 minutes before we relented and let him in on it.

[argodad]

I'm BU for a scrimmage game between two 16U FP teams. My partner is taking a lot of heat about his strike zone from a woman in the stands (undoubtedly the mother of one of the pitchers). Between innings, he asks the fans on that side of the field if he can borrow a quarter. A guy gives him one and he walks over to the plate, slaps it down, turns toward the woman, and says "Ma'am for ten bucks ... heads or tails?" She yells, "You're crazy! I can't see that from here!" Partner drops into his crouch and says, "Funny. I can see it real well from here."

[CecilOne]

Any comments?

Top Plays | Must C Curious: Umpire interference leads to a run - Video | phillies.com: Multimedia

[ASA/NYSSOBLUE]

Originally Posted by argodad

I'm BU for a scrimmage game between two 16U FP teams. My partner is taking a lot of heat about his strike zone from a woman in the stands (undoubtedly the mother of one of the pitchers). Between innings, he asks the fans on that side of the field if he can borrow a quarter. A guy gives him one and he walks over to the plate, slaps it down, turns toward the woman, and says "Ma'am for ten bucks ... heads or tails?" She yells, "You're crazy! I can't see that from here!" Partner drops into his crouch and says, "Funny. I can see it real well from here."

that is one I HAVE to remember!

[MichaelVA2000]

18U fastpitch. After a line drive bounced over 2nd base and through F8's legs that rolled to the fence for an in the park home run, as I get back to my A position F1 asks:

F1: Blue, can I get time out for a minute?

Me: Why?

F1: I need to go out and kick my centerfielder's a$$.

Me: Wow, can you get it done in a minute?

F1: Well, it will take me 30 seconds to catch her, 15 seconds to kick her a$$, and another 30 seconds to get back.

Me: That's too much time. Sorry, time request denied.