Your funny stories

[NCASAUmp]

So lay 'em out, fellow blues. Give us some of your funniest stories of things you've said/done to coaches or players.

Tonight, I had a conversation on the bases that went like this...

Me: Hey, 2nd, did you bring an extra pair of shoes tonight?
F4: Yeah, why?
Me: Well, when you get into your dugout, can you change your shoes out for me?
F4 (concerned): Sure... What's wrong?
Me: Those are fast pitch shoes. You can't wear fast pitch shoes in slow pitch.
F4 (shocked): What? Oh man... How can you tell?
Me: I can see the little logo on the backs of your shoes.
F4: No way... Oh crap...

A couple minutes later, I'm heading back to B from making a call at 3B, and I see F4 lifting up his pants legs and trying to look at the backs of his shoes.

I'm evil.

[grunewar]

Embarrassing Moment

Started a thread at the Baseball Forum with "embarrassing stories" you might find funny......some real classics.

[gdc25]

Sunday Rec (Beer) League, Slow Pitch, 1-man system. Player is giving me a good natured hard time about a call early in the game. Same player @ the Short Stop position kicks an easy one hopper allowing the BR to beat the throw to 1b... I make the sell call... "Safe on the booted ball by the short stop."

[tcannizzo]

12-U League Game with time limit and drop dead.
Score is tied in 8th inning.
Visitors do not score.
I tell home team coach, "If you don't score, game will end in a tie". He says OK.
I tell visiting team coach, "If home team doesn't score, game will end in a tie."
He: "What if they do score?"
Me: "Then the game won't end in a tie."

[grunewar]

Originally Posted by tcannizzo

12-U League Game with time limit and drop dead.
Score is tied in 8th inning.
Visitors do not score.
I tell home team coach, "If you don't score, game will end in a tie". He says OK.
I tell visiting team coach, "If home team doesn't score, game will end in a tie."
He: "What if they do score?"
Me: "Then the game won't end in a tie."

Here's Your Sign!

[NCASAUmp]

During a state church SP tourney, I was behind the plate. The pitch came in, hit the corner of the plate and bounced up RIGHT into the batter's crotch.

I held up my hand, looked at the batter and said, "you all right?"

And in a thick Jersey accent, the batter replied, "Oh yeah, my ex-wife took those from me a long time ago."

Took me a while to regain my composure.

[ASA/NYSSOBLUE]

WARNING: NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT

Its a Sunday morning, 35+ mens semi-modified league. The protagonists are (names changed to protect the innocent): Joe, an african american player who, while being a nice guy, couldn't hit cow poop in a barnyard, and his teammate. Bill. I, of course have the Plate.

First two times up in this game, Joe, as usual has taken three weak swings at pitches, and sat down. Third time up, guess what? Joe has two quick strikes on him. Bill, is in the dugout, apparently keeping score...or at least, looking at the scorebook. As the P starts his motion, Bill, in a friendly way, yells out the following:

HEY JOE, YOU GOT A CHANCE TO BE THE FIRST BLACK MEMBER OF THE KKK CLUB!!!! , and then in rapid succession:

Joe cracks up, falling backwards, out of the batter's box

The pitch, of course, is right down the pipe, and me, not being able to resist, give the big, Enrico Pallazo overhand strike 3

EVERYbody on both sides starts DYING - including me, using my momentum from my overhand strike to get me over to the nearby stands to sit, cause I am laughing so hard, I am CRYING. Meanwhile infielders and guys on base are rolling around in the dirt they are laughing so hard, and my partner is literally holding himself to keep from falling down laughing.

It took a good ten minutes for everyone to get a hold of themselves...

[CecilOne]

Any comments?

Top Plays | Must C Curious: Umpire interference leads to a run - Video | phillies.com: Multimedia

[MichaelVA2000]

18U fastpitch. After a line drive bounced over 2nd base and through F8's legs that rolled to the fence for an in the park home run, as I get back to my A position F1 asks:

F1: Blue, can I get time out for a minute?

Me: Why?

F1: I need to go out and kick my centerfielder's a$$.

Me: Wow, can you get it done in a minute?

F1: Well, it will take me 30 seconds to catch her, 15 seconds to kick her a$$, and another 30 seconds to get back.

Me: That's too much time. Sorry, time request denied.

[Dutch Alex]

Last year in 4th final game (best of 5 series) mens dutch championship. I'm PU and have a wonderfull time behind the plate. Calling a big zone makes all fielders happy, on both sides...
Then I take a foul on my left underarm. It really hurts! Then F3 askes very loudly, he didn't move from his position: "Hee blue, I hope that isn't your strike-arm, is it?"

Both teams and the crowd never stoped smiling after they were done laughing... As I said I had a wonderfull time

[ChampaignBlue]

Women's class A state. Pre-game a team shows up in basketball jerseys with mismatched sportbras underneath. We call the tourney director over and both coaches. The decision is made to allow them to play that game but they need to change for their next game.

As base umpire I go over to the offending team in 1st base dugout to explain what they need and where they can go to get it and to take care of the bat check. One of the players stands up facing me and says "no problem, not wearing one" and proceeded to prove it.

It was very hard for me working the bases when she was out playing 2nd.

[NCASAUmp]

Originally Posted by ChampaignBlue

Women's class A state. Pre-game a team shows up in basketball jerseys with mismatched sportbras underneath. We call the tourney director over and both coaches. The decision is made to allow them to play that game but they need to change for their next game.

As base umpire I go over to the offending team in 1st base dugout to explain what they need and where they can go to get it and to take care of the bat check. One of the players stands up facing me and says "no problem, not wearing one" and proceeded to prove it.

It was very hard for me working the bases when she was out playing 2nd.

Pun intended?

Gotta love women's games. I think they get a kick out of trying to embarrass us like this.

[ASA/NYSSOBLUE]

Originally Posted by ChampaignBlue

Women's class A state. Pre-game a team shows up in basketball jerseys with mismatched sportbras underneath. We call the tourney director over and both coaches. The decision is made to allow them to play that game but they need to change for their next game.

As base umpire I go over to the offending team in 1st base dugout to explain what they need and where they can go to get it and to take care of the bat check. One of the players stands up facing me and says "no problem, not wearing one" and proceeded to prove it.

It was very hard for me working the bases when she was out playing 2nd.

Was she at least cute?

And did your wife appreciate it later?

[ASA/NYSSOBLUE]

Originally Posted by ASA/NYSSOBLUE

Was she at least cute?

And did your wife appreciate it later?

And speaking of which, how here have had the 'problem' of a C wearing a thong, and uni bottoms that let u KNOW she is wearing a thong?? Distracting to say the least.......