Your funny stories

[grunewar]

Originally Posted by tcannizzo

12-U League Game with time limit and drop dead.
Score is tied in 8th inning.
Visitors do not score.
I tell home team coach, "If you don't score, game will end in a tie". He says OK.
I tell visiting team coach, "If home team doesn't score, game will end in a tie."
He: "What if they do score?"
Me: "Then the game won't end in a tie."

Here's Your Sign!

[NCASAUmp]

During a state church SP tourney, I was behind the plate. The pitch came in, hit the corner of the plate and bounced up RIGHT into the batter's crotch.

I held up my hand, looked at the batter and said, "you all right?"

And in a thick Jersey accent, the batter replied, "Oh yeah, my ex-wife took those from me a long time ago."

Took me a while to regain my composure.

[Andy]

I'm on the plate for a JO FP game, can't remember which age group.

A fan comes and plants his lawn chair directly behind me right up on the backstop and starts bi*ching about my strike zone.

After about an inning and half of this, I casually stroll toward the backstop between innings....

"Sir, that plate is only 17 inches wide and my a$$ is far wider than that so how can you see anything to complain about?"

He just looked kind of shocked and stood up and moved his chair off to one side. I didn't hear anything else from him the rest of the game!

[RadioBlue]

In a Rec slow-pitch league (before the days of the mat), one team was continually complaining about my strike zone. Finally, I called "time", wandered to the complaining dugout, sat down, and called "play ball". With an incredulous look on his face, I told the pitcher to pitch. After the pitch landed, I said questioningly, "strike?" Then, I looked at the manager of the team and with a smile on my face I said, "Tommy, I'm absolutely positive I have a better look from behind the plate than I do here in the dugout. I think I'm gonna go back there behind the plate for the rest of the night."

Never heard another word. Thank heavens the batter took the pitch.

[ChampaignBlue]

Working a double header slow pitch league. Rookie partner. Two teams that when they play each other tend to take trash talk to an art form. I generally got assigned their double headers because I had a knack for knowing when it moved from good natured to mean and kept it in line. I told rookie I'd take the plate first game so he could get a feel and to just play along.

Naturally, the trash is flying and after a ball call the pitcher says "You're killing me blue". I call time, glance over to my partner who thinks it's about to hit the fan, brush the plate real good, "Can you see the plate OK now Dollar?" A good time was had by all after that.

[MD Longhorn]

Had a first-game of season ending tourney once with seed 1 against seed 8. Seed 1 is winning, but lethargic and cocky. Coach has enough and after a regular call, calls time and comes out. Pulls a Gene Hackman, and I obligingly toss him - team plays more seriously after that.

Told a friend who was also a board member. Board called him (and me) in, and completely seriously told him he couldn't coach the 2nd game of the tourney and further, if he won the tourney (he did), he could not coach all-stars due to the ejection. Coach pled his case to no avail for at least 20 minutes before we relented and let him in on it.

[argodad]

I'm BU for a scrimmage game between two 16U FP teams. My partner is taking a lot of heat about his strike zone from a woman in the stands (undoubtedly the mother of one of the pitchers). Between innings, he asks the fans on that side of the field if he can borrow a quarter. A guy gives him one and he walks over to the plate, slaps it down, turns toward the woman, and says "Ma'am for ten bucks ... heads or tails?" She yells, "You're crazy! I can't see that from here!" Partner drops into his crouch and says, "Funny. I can see it real well from here."