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Old Sun Feb 04, 2001, 03:38pm
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Humiliation, Big-Time (Warning: VERY LONG!)

The title of the post applies to me, unfortunately. One moment of difficulty, a lifetime of regret. Well, a few sleepless nights, at least.
Here's what happened, and then some questions at the end. Two-and-a-half minutes into the second quarter, I'm at trail. A1 steals the ball at the top of the key and heads back toward her own basket. B1 picks her right up, but is between A1 and the sideline, not on the basket side. B1 is defending very closely and the play is what my dad calls a horse race. A1 scoops up the ball and leaves the floor for the lay-up and B1 takes one step in and swings for the ball. The result is that B1 gives A1 a really good shove, and A1 goes flying over the endline and smashes against a cement wall. There was a mat, but we all know how helpful those mats are.
The girl's mother was out of the stands and down onto the floor, before I even blew the whistle. I walked quietly to the table, announced the foul as intentional, and as I turned away from the table, coach A was IN MY FACE.
"I hope that was a flagrant, that girl should be suspended, etc etc etc"
I let him kind of go on for a minute, and then I said, "I'll confer with my partner and we'll come to a decision." "He said it was your call, and that you have to decide, and you'd better.. yadda yadda yadda"
"It is my decision and I want to get it right, so I am going to get a second opinion" I walked off. I went over to my partner and said, "just stand here and nod your head I need to think". I really didn't feel the play was flagrant, although it was a hard foul. You guys know I've been trying to get some understanding of flagrant fouls. Friday night, I had a very clearly flagrant and had no trouble calling that one. Today this just didn't feel the same. She was going to the ball, she was in the play, she just wasn't very skilled at all!
So I walked back over to coach A and said, "Coach, I know that was a very hard foul, but flagrants are really for fighting and not for this kind of play, so I have called it intentional."
Of course, he carries on and on, but I turned away, and there is coach B IN MY FACE! Before he said a word, (which didn't take long) I realized that I had made a mistake, in talking to coach A alone. But even if I hadn't realized it, coach B would have let me know! He went on and on about how I was favoring the other team (which shows how little he knows since the otner team already had 10 fouls and his team had about three or four). He knew before I'd blown my whistle that I was going to throw his girl out and so forth and so on.
I said, "Coach before you get a technical, would you like to know how I called this?"
I'm losing it here, but up until this point I did prettty well, but then some mother stood up and started screaming about how I didn't care who got hurt, I was just ..... For some reason, this set off the stands, and all the fans from both teams were standing up and screaming insults and invective. I looked up into this mother's face and it was a little scary, to tell the truth. I felt that if something drastic didn't happen, it would get out of control. But note, I ddin't think this, I felt it, along with a lot of anger, the kind that takes away my vision and leaves me trembling.
I just shouted out, "This game is suspended and we won't play the rest until all the fans are out of the gym. Out everybody, all of you out" and so on. Some people actually started to get up and leave, and I walked over to the site director and told her I had suspended the game, and I wanted everyone out. She took my arm and walked me back out onto the floor and got both coaches out there, and gave a little speech about keeping the tournament on schedule, and asked me right there if I would finish the game, if she sat there at the table and kept everyone under control. I agreed and we finished the half.
I was actyually doing this game for someone who was late, and he arrived somewhere along in here, and so I left at half-time.

I can't believe I was yelling at the fans! I feel like I was having a two-year-old tantrum. I am just too humiliated for words, and also afraid this may not be a good job for me.

How do you others control your tempers? What do you think about, or say to yourselves when the blood starts pounding in your neck? How do you say the right things? What are the right things to say? Overall, I never thought I had an anger problem, but now I'm kind of wondering ...

I will take all the consolation you give, but I really want is advice. How can I make sure that nothing like this happens again?
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Old Sun Feb 04, 2001, 03:54pm
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Juulie, all you can do is learn from this experience and try to never let it happen again. I doubt there's a veteran official anywhere that hasn't done things early in their career that they later regretted. I know that I have. I truly believe that the only way to learn how to respond to such situations is to make a few mistakes along the way, own up to them and learn from them. Did you make some mistakes? Yes. Could it happen again? It could but I doubt that it will. Did you learn anything from it? Probably but only you know for sure.

Don't beat yourself up over it.
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Old Sun Feb 04, 2001, 08:14pm
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You did very well...

That is the most commendable thing I've ever heard a referee doing. I wish that some of the referee's here had the guts to throw a gym out (it can get pretty ugly). You should congratulate yourself, not beat your self up over it.

Matthew
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Old Sun Feb 04, 2001, 09:12pm
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Hang in there.....

Juulie.

I am a 2nd yr official who has had many "teachable moments." This forum has been some of the "therapy" for this...

As for your situation chronicled in this thread.... It is obvious that you made a call that was well within your discretion. Standing firm in that call and reporting it to the scorer's table is exactly what you do. If necessary at this time, address the coaches "calmly and definitively" (even though your heart is pounding in your throat) explain what you saw and your determination to the coaches. Do not use language that opens the door for discussion. Example: "Coach, this is what I saw... and this is what is going to happen next...." That is it. You have made your effort, now it is the coaches' choice on how THEY will act.
As for crowd control.... is game management's responsibility

Some of the things I have done:

1.) Keep studying the rules. The more you read (and reread, with the intent of understanding the application of the rule) the more confident you will feel with each game.

2.) Get a local "mentor". Yes, this forum is good, but it is not the 1st hand observation and instantaneous feedback that you need.

3.) Accept that, as an official (rookie or veteran), you CAN NOT "see it all." Just call what you see. Despite how hard you try, your going to miss a few.

4.) Don't be so critical on yourself. The coaches will do more than their share of "correcting" your calls. (Even when you do have the correct call.) Along with this, YOU are not going to please (or find agreemement) many, if any coaches.

5.) This is ONLY a GAME. Yes, we give it our best effort, each and every time, but in the end. IT IS JUST A GAME.

Hope this helps...
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Old Sun Feb 04, 2001, 09:17pm
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Re: Humiliation, Big-Time (Warning: VERY LONG!)

Quote:
Originally posted by rainmaker
How do you others control your tempers? What do you think about, or say to yourselves when the blood starts pounding in your neck? How do you say the right things? What are the right things to say? Overall, I never thought I had an anger problem, but now I'm kind of wondering ...

I will take all the consolation you give, but I really want is advice. How can I make sure that nothing like this happens again?
Jewel,
In situations like this...
I try to act professionally at all costs.
I never raise my voice.
I always listen and humbly nod, with my hands behind my back.
When I make a tough call, it is based on my knowledge at the time. (That's the best I have at any given time).
I am not threatened by ignorance.
I know the "Stop Sign" is the best tool I have.
When it gets really stupid, I may laugh aloud, as if I was hearing a "joke" (this took practice), just before I walk away having had enough.
Keep working. Have fun. It is only a game.
mick

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Old Sun Feb 04, 2001, 11:14pm
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Re: Re: Humiliation, Big-Time (Warning: VERY LONG!)

Quote:
Originally posted by mick
When it gets really stupid, I may laugh aloud, as if I was hearing a "joke" (this took practice), just before I walk away having had enough.
Could you give us an example? :^D
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Old Sun Feb 04, 2001, 11:37pm
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Quote:
Originally posted by mick

In situations like this...
I try to act professionally at all costs.
I never raise my voice.
I always listen and humbly nod, with my hands behind my back.
I know the "Stop Sign" is the best tool I have.
When it gets really stupid, I may laugh aloud, as if I was hearing a "joke" (this took practice), just before I walk away having had enough.
Keep working. Have fun. It is only a game.
mick
Yes, I have a lot to learn. These little sentences help. I can memorize them, and repeat them to myself, like mantras. This approach has helped me in other situations, and I will work to apply it here. "Threatened" is exactly how I felt, and that's where I need to do the most work. How do I practice laughing aloud? Sounds strange to me, even though I know it could be very effective. Thanks for the advice.
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Old Mon Feb 05, 2001, 09:14am
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Re: Re: Re: Humiliation, Big-Time (Warning: VERY LONG!)

Quote:
Originally posted by BktBallRef
Quote:
Originally posted by mick
When it gets really stupid, I may laugh aloud, as if I was hearing a "joke" (this took practice), just before I walk away having had enough.
Could you give us an example? :^D
Coach, or fan ( I always try to locate loud fans): "Look at the fouls! 9 to 2!"
A defender pulls the 90 degree snap-back on a shooter, and the Coach or player: "I/he/she was totally vertical!"
"That wasn't on 53! (6'4", 210#) It was on 43 (5'8", 124#)!"

It's disarming when you give a good belly laugh, and a big toothy smile.
You are telling, whomever, that you know they are trying to "work" you, while it implies that your mind is set, you know you are right, and that any further ridicule on that subject is, in fact, ridiculous.

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Old Mon Feb 05, 2001, 09:38am
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Thumbs up

To repeat what others have said......."Don't beat yourself up." Basketball is a great game, but it's ONLY A GAME!!!! All of us have a bit of competitor in us to do what we do. We just have to learn how to control ourselves better than the coaches and players.
By your description, I think you made the right call. Keep up the good work and learn from this. Trust me. This night will flash into your mind on the next hard foul you have and you will know how to handle it from this experience.
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Old Mon Feb 05, 2001, 09:50am
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One thing I have learned, and I hope you have in this situation, is to realize that moment when you started to become overwhelmed and felt the gym close in like cubical in a call center. Now that you know where your "breaking point" is, make sure you avoid getting there.

I try to avoid that like this: When I have a hard foul, strange situation, etc. I take MY time in walking to the table to report whatever I have. I always walk around the part of the lane that is opposite the table (if I am the lead). This takes me away from that coach and gives me a little extra time. This A) lets me clear my head, B) think of what I am going to report/ advise the coaches. The teams aren't going anywhere without me, and this lets me get it right. If I need to, this lets me also talk with my partner at this time. If you are going to confer on what is to be called, do it BEFORE you report, not after.

If a foul is flagrant, you don't have to think about it; you know it immediately. If you have to think, don't call it, it just makes things worse. In this case when the coach jumped at you, you reconsidered the flagrant call, image what would have happened if you came back to the bench and then booted the kid? All you need to do is explain to the coach it was a hard foul, not flagrant, leave it at that, and walk or run away. One thing that my partners and I go over in pre-game is in situations like this, it is our partners responsibility to get us the hell away from the bench, and restore order. Your partner is a "neutral" party at this point and all they need to do to do is reiterate to the coach it is just an Int., let him blow some steam (to a point), and tell him it is time to resume play. If he keeps it up you whack him, but that rarely happens, they just want to get their point out, and you will be to jacked up to let him do that. Your partner is not, so it kind of steadies the ship. As you can see from this, only bad things happen when you hang around the bench after a hard foul or emotional call that you make.

The best thing you can do is another game, the sooner you jump back on the horse the better. Two Saturdays ago I had a horrible game. I have no idea who that was wearing stripes that night, but it was not me. It ate me up for three days before my next game.
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Old Mon Feb 05, 2001, 10:34am
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Hey Julie! Here's something my assignor told me that happened to her last Saturday. (Please note that this woman has been officiating for 25 years.) She got a call from a local church to please come officiate a couple 4th grade games as there was some kind of mix-up in scheduling, and no referees showed. So she went and during the second game some father was "riding" her constantly. She said, "I couldn't believe what I did...I think it's time for me to finally retire". She stopped the game, turned to the father and said, "Sir, if you don't be quiet right now, I'm going to lay down my whistle here, leave this gym, and one of you parents can officiate this game!" Now, I'm not suggesting that this is the appropriate way to handle spectators, however it does illustrate the point that we all, even 25 year veterans, can "lose-it" from time to time. (BTW: Not a "peep" from the Dad for the rest of the afternoon!)

Hang-in-there. Sounds like you're getting some great advice from this discussion board.

I'll close with a quote from "visionary" comedian Steven Wright:
"Experience is something you don't get until
after you need it."
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Old Mon Feb 05, 2001, 12:19pm
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Wink fan opinion

We all know not to take fans criticism as the absolute truth.

An official I know who once refereed at the Olympics told me this story. He was helping out his son refereeing an elementary (something like Grade 7 or 8 level) school game. During half-time, a parent went right up to him and told him that he was the worst official that she had ever seen.
She wondered how long he had been a referee. Supposedly, before he could say a word, his son spoke up for him and the parent went away.

Many fans just do not have a clue about what the rules (or their interpretation) are. Don't let fan opinion get the best of you.

Cheers,
David

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Old Mon Feb 05, 2001, 12:51pm
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Juulie - sounds like you had a fairly passive partner through all this. Imagine if you were doing the game with someone like me or Dan. What I mean is that when you are the "veteran" official in your crew, you must be decisive and make your rulings as if you really mean it. I think it was OK to confer with your partner, but perhaps the way to approach it was to tell the coach that, even though it was a hard foul, the player did make a play on the ball and there was no "intent to injure" (which is my criteria for whether a foul is flagrant or not). You could then have said that you would ask you partner if they saw something you didn't. Then come back and say your partner saw the same thing you saw and that's the end of it.

As for the effect the crowd had on you, being able to ignore it will come as you progress and do more games. Try to put an invisible sound curtain behind both benches and ignore anything that comes out of the stands.

Finally, remember the referees's credo: "Occasionally wrong, but never indecisive."

BTW - I would be curious to know where this happened.
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Old Mon Feb 05, 2001, 01:09pm
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"I walked quietly to the table, announced the foul as intentional, and as I turned away from the table, coach A was IN MY FACE."

One thing I would recommend is that when reporting fouls, you should keep your distance from the scorer's table (and in turn, the benches). If you are out near center court reporting your fouls, then no coach has the right to be in your face, and if he/she is, it is an immediate 'T' no questions asked.

The coach can make his/her complaints from the coaches box, and as long as they don't get personal or too obnoxious, let 'em blow off some steam. I find it is a lot easier to tolerate their complaints from a distance.

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Old Mon Feb 05, 2001, 01:15pm
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Thank you all!

After 24 hours of reflection, I can see that I did a number of things right that I couldn't have done even a month ago. So I am going to try to hang onto those, and add a new lesson or two to take into the next "situation". I appreciate the encouragement. I especially appreciate what Brian said about not getting to the breaking point. That is just a good "anger management" skill. So is slowing down. Mark, I will e-mail details -- I think you will appreciate how tense it was when you hear who it was and where. I didn't really realize it myself, until later, reflecting on the whole "scene". New mantras: "Sometimes wrong, never indecisive!" "Never, never, never, talk to one coach at a time!" "Whack early, whack often! (sometimes)" "Fans? What fans?"

PS I am writing a thank-you note to that AD who saved the situation. She is my hero this week!
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