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One thing I have learned, and I hope you have in this situation, is to realize that moment when you started to become overwhelmed and felt the gym close in like cubical in a call center. Now that you know where your "breaking point" is, make sure you avoid getting there.
I try to avoid that like this: When I have a hard foul, strange situation, etc. I take MY time in walking to the table to report whatever I have. I always walk around the part of the lane that is opposite the table (if I am the lead). This takes me away from that coach and gives me a little extra time. This A) lets me clear my head, B) think of what I am going to report/ advise the coaches. The teams aren't going anywhere without me, and this lets me get it right. If I need to, this lets me also talk with my partner at this time. If you are going to confer on what is to be called, do it BEFORE you report, not after.
If a foul is flagrant, you don't have to think about it; you know it immediately. If you have to think, don't call it, it just makes things worse. In this case when the coach jumped at you, you reconsidered the flagrant call, image what would have happened if you came back to the bench and then booted the kid? All you need to do is explain to the coach it was a hard foul, not flagrant, leave it at that, and walk or run away. One thing that my partners and I go over in pre-game is in situations like this, it is our partners responsibility to get us the hell away from the bench, and restore order. Your partner is a "neutral" party at this point and all they need to do to do is reiterate to the coach it is just an Int., let him blow some steam (to a point), and tell him it is time to resume play. If he keeps it up you whack him, but that rarely happens, they just want to get their point out, and you will be to jacked up to let him do that. Your partner is not, so it kind of steadies the ship. As you can see from this, only bad things happen when you hang around the bench after a hard foul or emotional call that you make.
The best thing you can do is another game, the sooner you jump back on the horse the better. Two Saturdays ago I had a horrible game. I have no idea who that was wearing stripes that night, but it was not me. It ate me up for three days before my next game.
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