[rainmaker]

The title of the post applies to me, unfortunately. One moment of difficulty, a lifetime of regret. Well, a few sleepless nights, at least.
Here's what happened, and then some questions at the end. Two-and-a-half minutes into the second quarter, I'm at trail. A1 steals the ball at the top of the key and heads back toward her own basket. B1 picks her right up, but is between A1 and the sideline, not on the basket side. B1 is defending very closely and the play is what my dad calls a horse race. A1 scoops up the ball and leaves the floor for the lay-up and B1 takes one step in and swings for the ball. The result is that B1 gives A1 a really good shove, and A1 goes flying over the endline and smashes against a cement wall. There was a mat, but we all know how helpful those mats are.
The girl's mother was out of the stands and down onto the floor, before I even blew the whistle. I walked quietly to the table, announced the foul as intentional, and as I turned away from the table, coach A was IN MY FACE.
"I hope that was a flagrant, that girl should be suspended, etc etc etc"
I let him kind of go on for a minute, and then I said, "I'll confer with my partner and we'll come to a decision." "He said it was your call, and that you have to decide, and you'd better.. yadda yadda yadda"
"It is my decision and I want to get it right, so I am going to get a second opinion" I walked off. I went over to my partner and said, "just stand here and nod your head I need to think". I really didn't feel the play was flagrant, although it was a hard foul. You guys know I've been trying to get some understanding of flagrant fouls. Friday night, I had a very clearly flagrant and had no trouble calling that one. Today this just didn't feel the same. She was going to the ball, she was in the play, she just wasn't very skilled at all!
So I walked back over to coach A and said, "Coach, I know that was a very hard foul, but flagrants are really for fighting and not for this kind of play, so I have called it intentional."
Of course, he carries on and on, but I turned away, and there is coach B IN MY FACE! Before he said a word, (which didn't take long) I realized that I had made a mistake, in talking to coach A alone. But even if I hadn't realized it, coach B would have let me know! He went on and on about how I was favoring the other team (which shows how little he knows since the otner team already had 10 fouls and his team had about three or four). He knew before I'd blown my whistle that I was going to throw his girl out and so forth and so on.
I said, "Coach before you get a technical, would you like to know how I called this?"
I'm losing it here, but up until this point I did prettty well, but then some mother stood up and started screaming about how I didn't care who got hurt, I was just ..... For some reason, this set off the stands, and all the fans from both teams were standing up and screaming insults and invective. I looked up into this mother's face and it was a little scary, to tell the truth. I felt that if something drastic didn't happen, it would get out of control. But note, I ddin't think this, I felt it, along with a lot of anger, the kind that takes away my vision and leaves me trembling.
I just shouted out, "This game is suspended and we won't play the rest until all the fans are out of the gym. Out everybody, all of you out" and so on. Some people actually started to get up and leave, and I walked over to the site director and told her I had suspended the game, and I wanted everyone out. She took my arm and walked me back out onto the floor and got both coaches out there, and gave a little speech about keeping the tournament on schedule, and asked me right there if I would finish the game, if she sat there at the table and kept everyone under control. I agreed and we finished the half.
I was actyually doing this game for someone who was late, and he arrived somewhere along in here, and so I left at half-time.

I can't believe I was yelling at the fans! I feel like I was having a two-year-old tantrum. I am just too humiliated for words, and also afraid this may not be a good job for me.

How do you others control your tempers? What do you think about, or say to yourselves when the blood starts pounding in your neck? How do you say the right things? What are the right things to say? Overall, I never thought I had an anger problem, but now I'm kind of wondering ...

I will take all the consolation you give, but I really want is advice. How can I make sure that nothing like this happens again?