What is rule for dead ball with runner on 3rd?

[TwoBits]

May want to check if this is some sort of local league rule. One rec league I do states the runner may only steal home, "...if the pitcher misses the throwback or a play is attempted on the runner." Unfortunately, every plate meeting begins with how am I going to interpret that. Some umpires are allowing a steal when the ball goes past the pitcher and some allow a steal when the pitcher merely drops the ball. Some umpires allow a steal when the pitcher or catcher feints a throw or runs toward the runner, some do not.