Dating a relative of a coach.

[j51969]

I dont see an issue with working the game. If you have worked BB for as long as it seems, and in the same area you could easily make this argument on most of your games. How many veteran officials were former AD's, coaches, or teachers. How many were baseball coaches, soccer coaches, of children that are playing or related to other school personnel? You could play the six degress of Keving Bacon all day. If your truely uncomfortable find someone else working the same night and switch with them. Otherwise go out an be the professional you appear to be on here. If her cousins team loses you may have to sleep on the couch for a few days

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I am not giving back the assignment.

Good decision. I know that you are a very experienced official having worked many levels and many different sports, including high school state finals. I think that a man with your reputation should have no problem with this very small conflict of interest. It shouldn't even be a question.

[johnny d]

Originally Posted by MD Longhorn

It's not about integrity --- perception DOES matter.

Perception does not matter. Fans are going to think they got screwed regardless. Their only point of view is through their team-colored glasses. They don't need a reason or excuse to think you cheated them. Their opinion or perception has no meaning whatsoever.

The opposing coach. If he has dealt with you as an official and if he is professional, he is going to know better. Even if he isn't professional and thinks this is a problem why should that matter to any official. Let him put you on his scratch list. BFD!

Your assignor. Again, if he knows you and has any trust in your ability as an official, he will easily be able to defend you.

Finally, where are you going to draw the line? It is his girlfriend's cousin. Is the line her second cousin, third cousin, his babysitter's brother's best friend's dad? There are other coaches out there that JRut knows better than this coach and has had longer relationships with. Even though he has no known relationship to, should he stop working their games too? We have coaches that come to our referee association meetings. They have been known to go out afterwards and have a few cokes with some of the officials. Maybe I should stop working their games as well.

It is ridiculous. If you give people the chance to come up with reasons to disqualify you they will find a way. The choice is simple. If you know you can be objective, keep the game. If you have concerns, give it back. Don't let simple minded people whose opinion matters little make the choice for you because of some perceived wrong.

[Scratch85]

Have you considered breaking up with your girlfriend?

[Andy]

I lean toward "avoid the appearance of a conflict" group.

I will relate a personal experience:

Several years ago, my younger sister was the JV Girls basketball coach at a school in the area. She also sat on the bench for Varsity games as an assistant.

I did not block that school because I had NEVER been assigned one of their games. So what happens...I get a Varsity Girls assignment with her school visiting another school. At that point in my career, I wasn't getting many Varsity assignments, so I chose not to turn it back. I told my partner about it, so he was aware of the situation.

I worked the game with no issues, but certainly didn't feel very comfortable doing it and did catch myself worrying about it at times during the game. One of the things that worked in my favor was that my sister's team was so bad, it really wouldn't matter what I did or didn't do.

Looking back at the situation now, I know that I would not hesitate to turn that game back.

[MD Longhorn]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I will just say this. I am not giving back the assignment. Not happening. This was not a regular season game. This was a shootout-tournament of some kind where the teams were not determined until recently. I am not giving back the assignment. I might change, move around, but I am not giving back the assignment. Not happening!!!

Peace

OK.

So why did you ask?

[bainsey]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I will just say this. I am not giving back the assignment. Not happening. This was not a regular season game. This was a shootout-tournament of some kind where the teams were not determined until recently. I am not giving back the assignment.

So essentially, it's a pre-season game.

Last year, I had a JV-G preseason game at my son's high school, his senior year. My partner lived in town. The varsity crew consisted of a teacher at that school, the assistant principal of that school, and an assistant superintendent of the school district. That's fine, as it's pre-season.

No way that would -- or should -- happen in a regular season or postseason game. And I'd block the team on Arbiter if I had such a relationship as JRut mentions. There are plenty of other schools. You can sacrifice one.

[MD Longhorn]

Originally Posted by johnny d

The opposing coach. If he has dealt with you as an official and if he is professional, he is going to know better. Even if he isn't professional and thinks this is a problem why should that matter to any official.

This might change things - if I'd worked them before it might matter. However, I'll often go an entire season and only see 1 or 2 coaches more than once.

Finally, where are you going to draw the line?

At whatever point someone might actually know.

[Adam]

Originally Posted by jdmara

I would talk with my assigner about the situation and let them decide if it is appropriate. When it comes down to it, they are going to have to defend you if your partisanship comes into question.

However, I would remove myself from the game because no good can come of it.

-Josh

Agreed. It's just a level of stress you don't need.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by MD Longhorn

OK.

So why did you ask?

I was asking for opinions on what people think about the situation. I did not say I would not be willing to change the time or the game I worked, I am just not giving it back on my own. Something even tells me that the assignor is not going to see this as a big deal either. There are other games that day and before or after so something could be done if this is a problem to certain people.

Peace

[Freddy]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I will just say this. I am not giving back the assignment. Not happening. This was not a regular season game. This was a shootout-tournament of some kind where the teams were not determined until recently. I am not giving back the assignment. I might change, move around, but I am not giving back the assignment. Not happening!!!

Peace

Thank you for the sincerity of seeking our input.

[just another ref]

It never would have crossed my mind to give a game back for something like this. Like most things, this apparently is viewed differently around here. It's 120 miles from one end of our association to the other, with mostly small rural schools involved. Therefore some consideration is given to travel distance when assigning the games. Last varsity game I called was a mile from my house. The head boys coach is on a short list of people that I've known for almost 50 years. We went all through school together. Most of the other coaches know this by now. If they have a problem with it, it's their problem, not mine, and it's never been mentioned to me. The problem I have is the opposite. The people I know best are the ones who complain the loudest, saying that I overcompensate and call against them.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by Freddy

Thank you for the sincerity of seeking our input.

I was really trying to see if others were in a similar situation. That does not mean I needed input to make a final decision.

Peace

[frezer11]

I don't think its an issue in this situation, but I do know one thing: You better not cheat on her between now and the game!!

[BillyMac]

Originally Posted by bainsey

So essentially, it's a pre-season game.

I didn't realize this. If it's a preseason game, I would work the game even if my own kids were playing.