Dating a relative of a coach.

[JRutledge]

I have a situation that I did not know I was going to have during the season. We have talked a lot about conflict situations with family members.

Well I started dating someone back in late summer and her cousin became a head basketball coach of a program. They are also rather close and talk to each other often. Her attitude is to be expected as she does not look to me to do anything differently than I do normally and would get on her cousin for makig the situation difficult for me if we ever had a game together. Well I have been assigned a game where her cousin's team will be participating in later this season. If this were you, would you work the game or not and why? Would the decision change if this were a fiancé or a spouse?

Peace

[jdmara]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I have a situation that I did not know I was going to have during the season. We have talked a lot about conflict situations with family members.

Well I started dating someone back in late summer and her cousin became a head basketball coach of a program. They are also rather close and talk to each other often. Her attitude is to be expected as she does not look to me to do anything differently than I do normally and would get on her cousin for makig the situation difficult for me if we ever had a game together. Well I have been assigned a game where her cousin's team will be participating in later this season. If this were you, would you work the game or not and why? Would the decision change if this were a fiancé or a spouse?

Peace

I would talk with my assigner about the situation and let them decide if it is appropriate. When it comes down to it, they are going to have to defend you if your partisanship comes into question.

However, I would remove myself from the game because no good can come of it.

-Josh

[Adam]

Originally Posted by jdmara

I would talk with my assigner about the situation and let them decide if it is appropriate. When it comes down to it, they are going to have to defend you if your partisanship comes into question.

However, I would remove myself from the game because no good can come of it.

-Josh

Agreed. It's just a level of stress you don't need.

[Freddy]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I have a situation that I did not know I was going to have during the season. We have talked a lot about conflict situations with family members.

Well I started dating someone back in late summer and her cousin became a head basketball coach of a program. They are also rather close and talk to each other often. Her attitude is to be expected as she does not look to me to do anything differently than I do normally and would get on her cousin for makig the situation difficult for me if we ever had a game together. Well I have been assigned a game where her cousin's team will be participating in later this season. If this were you, would you work the game or not and why? Would the decision change if this were a fiancé or a spouse?

Peace

Easy one.
Could justifiably be a perceived conflict of interest.
Given the fact that your schedule is likely ideal without that one game, it's not worth the risk to keep it hoping nothing will come of it. If something does, that could, in the minds of those you need to satisfy, shipwreck your reputation in an unrepairable fashion.
It's only one game. One I'd advise you to turn back. It won't hurt you to do so. Don't do so, and the possibility of it hurting you exists.
Easy one.

[scrounge]

If it were at the JV level or below, I doubt anyone would care. But wouldn't even think of doing the game at the varsity level. Even if got out by accident and had nothing to do with anything, it's just the kind of juicy nugget that people will unquestioningly latch onto.

[johnny d]

Work the game. Double T the coach and toss them. On their way out, wish them merry Christmas and tell them you will see them at the family get together.

I really don't see a problem here. It is a cousin of someone you are dating, not the person you are dating. Anyone who thinks your integrity could be compromised for something so trivial needs to stop sniffing glue and get a life.

[JetMetFan]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I have a situation that I did not know I was going to have during the season. We have talked a lot about conflict situations with family members.

Well I started dating someone back in late summer and her cousin became a head basketball coach of a program. They are also rather close and talk to each other often. Her attitude is to be expected as she does not look to me to do anything differently than I do normally and would get on her cousin for makig the situation difficult for me if we ever had a game together. Well I have been assigned a game where her cousin's team will be participating in later this season. If this were you, would you work the game or not and why? Would the decision change if this were a fiancé or a spouse?

Peace

Three words: Not a chance.

If, somehow, that information gets out you’re in a no-win situation. Even the appearance of impropriety is enough to get any of us in trouble.

[MD Longhorn]

I would explain to your scheduler - and unless no other option was available, I'd not work the game. I KNOW I can be impartial. However, I also know that even if I am impartial - if it's known that I am dating a coach's cousin - no matter how that game goes, someone will perceive that I was not impartial (in one direction or the other ... or both.)

[johnny d]

Originally Posted by MD Longhorn

someone will perceive that I was not impartial (in one direction or the other ... or both.)

Who is this someone, fans, opposing coach, assignor, players? There is really only one person on this list whose opinion we should even be concerned about and if your assignor doesn't know you well enough or trust your integrity to work the game fairly than you have bigger problems than who your girlfriend is related to.

[SCalScoreKeeper]

I wouldn't take the game. I just completed my first season of volleyball & only blocked 1 team-my best friend happened to be the coach of that team and I was worried about the appearance of impropriety.

[MD Longhorn]

Originally Posted by johnny d

Who is this someone, fans, opposing coach, assignor, players? There is really only one person on this list whose opinion we should even be concerned about and if your assignor doesn't know you well enough or trust your integrity to work the game fairly than you have bigger problems than who your girlfriend is related to.

Any of the above. If you don't see the perceptional issue here, I can't help you see it. It's not about integrity --- perception DOES matter.

Put it this way. We all miss calls, right. What happens if you do a game in this situation - and you happen to miss one in favor of the girlfriend's cousin. And it's caught on video. Or heaven forbid TWO calls - both in favor of the same team.

"How can he miss that - it was obvious! The only explanation is that he didn't call it because of the cousin." And your assignor has no leg to stand on (or worse yet ... begins to question your integrity!)

[BillyMac]

Give the assignment back.

I've been retired from teaching, and coaching, in my hometown school system for about ten years. All three of my children attended my hometown high school, and participated in sports, while in attendance.

After ten years of blocking out all home, and away, games, all levels, boys, and girls, involving this high school, this is the first year that I felt comfortable not blocking it out. But after not blocking it out, I did tell my assigner to do what he thought was appropriate, and best for all involved.

[johnny d]

Originally Posted by MD Longhorn

It's not about integrity --- perception DOES matter.

Perception does not matter. Fans are going to think they got screwed regardless. Their only point of view is through their team-colored glasses. They don't need a reason or excuse to think you cheated them. Their opinion or perception has no meaning whatsoever.

The opposing coach. If he has dealt with you as an official and if he is professional, he is going to know better. Even if he isn't professional and thinks this is a problem why should that matter to any official. Let him put you on his scratch list. BFD!

Your assignor. Again, if he knows you and has any trust in your ability as an official, he will easily be able to defend you.

Finally, where are you going to draw the line? It is his girlfriend's cousin. Is the line her second cousin, third cousin, his babysitter's brother's best friend's dad? There are other coaches out there that JRut knows better than this coach and has had longer relationships with. Even though he has no known relationship to, should he stop working their games too? We have coaches that come to our referee association meetings. They have been known to go out afterwards and have a few cokes with some of the officials. Maybe I should stop working their games as well.

It is ridiculous. If you give people the chance to come up with reasons to disqualify you they will find a way. The choice is simple. If you know you can be objective, keep the game. If you have concerns, give it back. Don't let simple minded people whose opinion matters little make the choice for you because of some perceived wrong.

[Rooster]

Originally Posted by johnny d

Who is this someone, fans, opposing coach, assignor, players?

Ask Ed Rush... A lot of people, even here, know what he meant by what he was saying, yet it cost him and a lot of PAC-12 officials, dearly.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by Rooster

Ask Ed Rush... A lot of people, even here, know what he meant by what he was saying, yet it cost him and a lot of PAC-12 officials, dearly.

With all due respect that was not about a conflict of interest or having a relative attending one of the schools.

Peace