Reflections on taking some time off

[JRutledge]

Not trying to be funny here, but all of this comes with the territory. And this is not special to officiating when dealing with superiors or with colleagues. I would never totally quit because of these things, but to each his own. There are other things more important in life, but this sounds more like whining to me about what did not go your way. We have all been through stuff that did not go our way and we are still working. I am a little disappointed that you felt it that serious to quit, but this is not made for everyone either. This is at best a hobby that happens to pay money like an extra job. If you cannot deal with the crap that comes with it, save your sanity and get out.

I wish you the best, but I am not sure what you wanted the rest of us to say about your situation. I have heard that story many, many times before.

Peace

[fiasco]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I am a little disappointed that you felt it that serious to quit, but this is not made for everyone either.

It's called opportunity cost. Is what you're getting worth more than what you're giving up? It's different for everyone. So evaluating me based off how you feel or view the situation probably isn't very helpful.

I made the decision that the long hours, little pay and poor treatment from my assignor was not worth taking time away from my kids at their young age. I'm not sure what's so "disappointing" about that.

I am not sure what you wanted the rest of us to say about your situation.

Well, I kind of spelled that out, while acknowledging that I'm not sure either. Sometimes it's cathartic to just get something off your chest to someone else.

[Rich]

I have an almost 9-year-old. She plays softball (I'm the coach of the team), volleyball, and basketball.

I've missed some things. I'll admit it. I wish I would've made a few of those events, but not all of them. I'll admit that, too.

I've never been of the mindset that my life ended at the moment I had a child. Now that she's old enough to talk to, I've told her that I will try to get to some of her games and events, but she has to understand that I have my own games, too, and that those are important to me. If I give it up now, I'm not coming back in 10 years when she's off to college. I'd probably never come back.

If that makes me a shitty father, so be it. Mom's chosen to go to everything -- that's her choice. Probably makes it easier for me to not be at *every* *last* event.

When she's playing at the HS level, the balance may change, but I can guarantee I won't simply quit and follow her from event to event, either.

And since I'm coaching her team in the spring, I'll be cutting back on summer baseball work. That needed to go anyway.

[fiasco]

Originally Posted by Rich

If that makes me a shitty father, so be it. Mom's chosen to go to everything -- that's her choice. Probably makes it easier for me to not be at *every* *last* event.

I want to be clear that I'm not projecting my decision/thought process on anyone else here.

This was a very personal decision for me and, of course, everyone's circumstance is different.

Third, what's fantastic about our craft is you can choose to work a couple nights a week. Maintaining proper balance can be difficult, especially if you are trying to reach varsity levels on a consistent basis, or higher levels of play.

Really appreciate that.

I think I will start picking up a few kids rec league games here and there next year. But I really just felt like I needed to take this season completely off and spend it at home to clear my head from all the politics and jockeying for position that I was going through back in Idaho.

Rutledge is right. That stuff isn't for everyone. I went through that in a previous job, and I did the same thing then. I quit. Walked away and started my own business. So, maybe it is more about my personality than anything else.

[rockyroad]

Originally Posted by Rich

I have an almost 9-year-old. She plays softball (I'm the coach of the team), volleyball, and basketball.

I've missed some things. I'll admit it. I wish I would've made a few of those events, but not all of them. I'll admit that, too.

I've never been of the mindset that my life ended at the moment I had a child. Now that she's old enough to talk to, I've told her that I will try to get to some of her games and events, but she has to understand that I have my own games, too, and that those are important to me. If I give it up now, I'm not coming back in 10 years when she's off to college. I'd probably never come back.

If that makes me a shitty father, so be it. Mom's chosen to go to everything -- that's her choice. Probably makes it easier for me to not be at *every* *last* event.

.

Different strokes for different folks.

I chose to go the other route and give up a large chunk of my schedule rather than miss my sons HS games (when they were in HS). If that makes me a shitty ref, so be it.

[Rich]

Originally Posted by rockyroad

Different strokes for different folks.

I chose to go the other route and give up a large chunk of my schedule rather than miss my sons HS games (when they were in HS). If that makes me a shitty ref, so be it.

Well, I have 5 more years to figure that out.

[rockyroad]

Originally Posted by Rich

Well, I have 5 more years to figure that out.

Ouch.

Thanks for making me feel old.

[Rich]

Originally Posted by rockyroad

Ouch.

Thanks for making me feel old.

Nah, mine was born when I was 35. We enjoyed 8+ years of marriage before we decided to have a kid. Always fun to go to the school and see parents in their late 20s and early 30s and I'm in my mid-40s.

There's no right answer for any of this. It's all personal. One of my regular partners decided to pack it in for both HS baseball and basketball because he has 3 teenaged daughters and he wanted to coach and watch. I'm happy that this is the decision he wanted to make. I'm glad he stayed with FB, cause it would be hard to find a line judge as good as he's been.

I'm only working HS boys and those games are frequently played on different nights, so if she plays hoops, I'll probably not have to do much to see most of her games.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by Rich

I have an almost 9-year-old. She plays softball (I'm the coach of the team), volleyball, and basketball.

I've missed some things. I'll admit it. I wish I would've made a few of those events, but not all of them. I'll admit that, too.

I've never been of the mindset that my life ended at the moment I had a child. Now that she's old enough to talk to, I've told her that I will try to get to some of her games and events, but she has to understand that I have my own games, too, and that those are important to me. If I give it up now, I'm not coming back in 10 years when she's off to college. I'd probably never come back.

If that makes me a shitty father, so be it. Mom's chosen to go to everything -- that's her choice. Probably makes it easier for me to not be at *every* *last* event.

When she's playing at the HS level, the balance may change, but I can guarantee I won't simply quit and follow her from event to event, either.

And since I'm coaching her team in the spring, I'll be cutting back on summer baseball work. That needed to go anyway.

We used to live in a time where parents worked, had other lives and somehow we were OK as their children. I never get parents that stop doing everything just to go to a game there kid will not even play in. Then again I am not an official that would be working every single night like I had nothing else going on in life. Heck in many cases people use this money they make in officiating to take care of their kids activities. It is not like we are doing this for free. My parents would go out of town for their jobs and would sometimes miss something. I got over it.

Peace

[BillyMac]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

Heck in many cases people use this money they make in officiating to take care of their kids activities.

In my case, a college education for my three children. Back then, I worked games anywhere, at anytime, sometimes six, or seven days a week. And I worked a part time job bartending in the summer (I was a teacher). That's all over now, my kids appreciate their college degrees with little, or no, college loans, and they often thank me for that. So now I just work the games that I want to work, high school, and Catholic middle school, games. No more youth recreation leagues, mens leagues, church leagues, travel games, summer games, AAU games, etc.

[Toren]

First of all experience is the greatest teacher. So if you ever decide to wear the uniform again you will be better for it.

Second of all, never worry about what you can't control. Trust me when I say this, coaches don't care who the nicest officials are or who they get along with, they want the best officials, period. So continually working and mastering our craft will allow you to walk into any gym on any given night without fear of having to "impress" a coach for his vote. The votes will eventually come when you are ready.

Third, what's fantastic about our craft is you can choose to work a couple nights a week. Maintaining proper balance can be difficult, especially if you are trying to reach varsity levels on a consistent basis, or higher levels of play.

Good luck in your new settings.

[Rich]

Originally Posted by Toren

First of all experience is the greatest teacher. So if you ever decide to wear the uniform again you will be better for it.

Second of all, never worry about what you can't control. Trust me when I say this, coaches don't care who the nicest officials are or who they get along with, they want the best officials, period. So continually working and mastering our craft will allow you to walk into any gym on any given night without fear of having to "impress" a coach for his vote. The votes will eventually come when you are ready.

Third, what's fantastic about our craft is you can choose to work a couple nights a week. Maintaining proper balance can be difficult, especially if you are trying to reach varsity levels on a consistent basis, or higher levels of play.

Good luck in your new settings.

We're rated by the coaches here, too, and our non-conference assignments are typically made by the schools. Hasn't stopped me from whacking coaches who needed it and I never think about my schedule when I need to drop the hammer (which doesn't happen often).

I haven't been at a (not-so-local, so I'm not that sad) school in a few years -- I called a fifth foul against their star player for a blatant illegal screen and my usual 2-3 non conference games there went to zero overnight. My regular partners still are asked to work there.

But that's how things work sometimes and I'm too old and have too much integrity to worry about how a particular call is going to piss someone off.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by Toren

...Third, what's fantastic about our craft is you can choose to work a couple nights a week. Maintaining proper balance can be difficult, especially if you are trying to reach varsity levels on a consistent basis, or higher levels of play.

...

I currently have Mon-Wed blocked out for my HS assignors b/c I'm in school.

And b/c I'm having some problems with my 15 year-old, I'm limiting my availability to my HS assignors even after the semester ends.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by fiasco

It's called opportunity cost. Is what you're getting worth more than what you're giving up? It's different for everyone. So evaluating me based off how you feel or view the situation probably isn't very helpful.

I made the decision that the long hours, little pay and poor treatment from my assignor was not worth taking time away from my kids at their young age. I'm not sure what's so "disappointing" about that.



Well, I kind of spelled that out, while acknowledging that I'm not sure either. Sometimes it's cathartic to just get something off your chest to someone else.

I am just commenting on what you stated. If you cannot take the heat of what this entails, then quit. Again this is not for everyone. Everyone does not have the personality to handle these situations and all it involves. You have found other things in your life more important, that is no different than any other decision in our lives. You made this decision public and it is really not my goal to "help you out" or suggest that you should come back. If you want to get out that is your decision and you will have to live with that decision. I know when I hang it up it will be my decision as well. We all have a different threshold of what we will tolerate and you have met that point. I did so with another sport and did not need validation to come to that conclusion. That sport was simply not important enough and I valued other things.

Good luck with your decision.

Peace

[fiasco]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I am just commenting on what you stated. If you cannot take the heat of what this entails, then quit. Again this is not for everyone. Everyone does not have the personality to handle these situations and all it involves. You have found other things in your life more important, that is no different than any other decision in our lives. You made this decision public and it is really not my goal to "help you out" or suggest that you should come back. If you want to get out that is your decision and you will have to live with that decision. I know when I hang it up it will be my decision as well. We all have a different threshold of what we will tolerate and you have met that point. I did so with another sport and did not need validation to come to that conclusion. That sport was simply not important enough and I valued other things.

Good luck with your decision.

Peace

LOL...ok, JRut!