Coach Berating Players

[griblets]

When working a summer tournament about 20 years, a coach was berating his 13-14 year old players terribly. It wasn't in an effort to help them. He was simply crushing their spirit. It was absolutely atrocious the way he belittled his players. I've always carried regret for not giving him an unsporting T for his behavior. I think the team's parents would have applauded.

Fast forward 20 years, and I had a similar situation last night with a BJV coach. It was obvious that the kids were not learning anything because the coach couldn't say anything positive. They were visibly upset with the treatment they were getting. It was sickening how he was treating them. He's going to drive many of those kids away from playing next year. I almost got an opportunity to rectify my regret from 20 years ago, but couldn't find the right situation to give him an unsporting T.

I wonder if anyone else has or would T a coach for the way that he treats and/or speaks to his team?

[deecee]

Originally Posted by griblets

When working a summer tournament about 20 years, a coach was berating his 13-14 year old players terribly. It wasn't in an effort to help them. He was simply crushing their spirit. It was absolutely atrocious the way he belittled his players. I've always carried regret for not giving him an unsporting T for his behavior. I think the team's parents would have applauded.

Fast forward 20 years, and I had a similar situation last night with a BJV coach. It was obvious that the kids were not learning anything because the coach couldn't say anything positive. They were visibly upset with the treatment they were getting. It was sickening how he was treating them. He's going to drive many of those kids away from playing next year. I almost got an opportunity to rectify my regret from 20 years ago, but couldn't find the right situation to give him an unsporting T.

I wonder if anyone else has or would T a coach for the way that he treats and/or speaks to his team?

No. Not our problem. If it's that bad the parents/school can deal with it. Unless he's dropping f bombs he can treat his players like garbage for all I care. He won't get the same luxury with me that's for sure.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by griblets

When working a summer tournament about 20 years, a coach was berating his 13-14 year old players terribly. It wasn't in an effort to help them. He was simply crushing their spirit. It was absolutely atrocious the way he belittled his players. I've always carried regret for not giving him an unsporting T for his behavior. I think the team's parents would have applauded.
Fast forward 20 years, and I had a similar situation last night with a BJV coach. It was obvious that the kids were not learning anything because the coach couldn't say anything positive. They were visibly upset with the treatment they were getting. It was sickening how he was treating them. He's going to drive many of those kids away from playing next year. I almost got an opportunity to rectify my regret from 20 years ago, but couldn't find the right situation to give him an unsporting T.

I wonder if anyone else has or would T a coach for the way that he treats and/or speaks to his team?

If the parents have a problem, then the parents are the ones who need to address this. I would if it were my child. I wouldn't expect a game official to take care of this.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by deecee

No. Not our problem. If it's that bad the parents/school can deal with it. Unless he's dropping f bombs he can treat his players like garbage for all I care. He won't get the same luxury with me that's for sure.

His first cross statement towards me would get an "I'm not one of your players" response from me.

[deecee]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

His first cross statement towards me would get an "I'm not one of your players" response from me.

I've used that line before in similar situations.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by griblets

When working a summer tournament about 20 years, a coach was berating his 13-14 year old players terribly. It wasn't in an effort to help them. He was simply crushing their spirit. It was absolutely atrocious the way he belittled his players. I've always carried regret for not giving him an unsporting T for his behavior. I think the team's parents would have applauded.

Fast forward 20 years, and I had a similar situation last night with a BJV coach. It was obvious that the kids were not learning anything because the coach couldn't say anything positive. They were visibly upset with the treatment they were getting. It was sickening how he was treating them. He's going to drive many of those kids away from playing next year. I almost got an opportunity to rectify my regret from 20 years ago, but couldn't find the right situation to give him an unsporting T.

I wonder if anyone else has or would T a coach for the way that he treats and/or speaks to his team?

Not my problem at all. There are places that have no issues with certain language being used or how it is used. Parents control that along with school districts that may or may not have certain standards. If as officials get involved in that type of stuff in those places, you might be getting rid of everyone in the first few minutes if you do not want to hear certain kind of language or certain kind of interaction.

And I will take it a step further. I think we as adults get way to worried about things that do not involve our kids. When I was a kid the language that was used in my presence was a lot worse than I hear to day in almost any situation and we are so concerned when a kid hears something that we were constantly exposed to years ago, but we act like we have to protect children from everything. If the parents have an issue, that is for them to address. But the reality is there are many things going on around kids that many of us do not seem to accept. Heck I was watching Rated R movies long before the age of 17 or 18 and heard Richard Pryor and other comedians long before I was that age and somehow I turned out not using that language in the right situations. There are a lot worse things we can worry about IMO.

Peace

[billyu2]

I think a case could be made to penalize the coach. Unsportsmanlike conduct is unsportsmanlike conduct. Doesn't matter who it is directed at. If the verbal abuse of the kids is unquestionably severe or vulgar, sure, the parents/school will likely deal with it later; but at the moment someone may have to step up. I would take the risk (right or wrong) of putting a stop to it.

[bob jenkins]

Originally Posted by billyu2

I think a case could be made to penalize the coach. Unsportsmanlike conduct is unsportsmanlike conduct. Doesn't matter who it is directed at. If the verbal abuse of the kids is unquestionably severe or vulgar, sure, the parents/school will likely deal with it later; but at the moment someone may have to step up. I would take the risk (right or wrong) of putting a stop to it.

It could, and there's a case play / interp to that effect. But, don't be that guy.

[packersowner]

If I felt that strongly about it, I would write an e-mail to the AD or school administrator the next day. At times, parents complaining to the AD come off as parents complaining. An official, in a neutral viewpoint, may carry more weight.

We have a VB coach in our area is sounds just like this guy. I always think to myself, I can't believe they let this guy coach/instruct youth. Its really disappointing and I am not one that believes kids need to be coddled, but dropping f-bombs in the locker room to me has no business in HS athletics.

[deecee]

Originally Posted by billyu2

I think a case could be made to penalize the coach. Unsportsmanlike conduct is unsportsmanlike conduct. Doesn't matter who it is directed at. If the verbal abuse of the kids is unquestionably severe or vulgar, sure, the parents/school will likely deal with it later; but at the moment someone may have to step up. I would take the risk (right or wrong) of putting a stop to it.

Please don't interject your personal morals or beliefs into this type of situation. This is for the parents or the school. The fact that this coach is coaching could mean that the parents/school are ok with it. Not our place.

[BigT]

Anyone be upset if the coach had a very tight lease that night from the officials?

[so cal lurker]

Originally Posted by billyu2

I think a case could be made to penalize the coach. Unsportsmanlike conduct is unsportsmanlike conduct. Doesn't matter who it is directed at. If the verbal abuse of the kids is unquestionably severe or vulgar, sure, the parents/school will likely deal with it later; but at the moment someone may have to step up. I would take the risk (right or wrong) of putting a stop to it.

Originally Posted by bob jenkins

It could, and there's a case play / interp to that effect. But, don't be that guy.

I often think these questions get answered on a forum like this with different people having different visions of the context and expectations of the league. High school? Yeah, don't go there. CYO 6th grade game or YMCA game where the ref is the only authority figure besides the coaches? May go there as the expectations and standards are different. Put another way, I think an internet forum is about the worst place to get an answer to the kind of question here because beyond the high level answer, it becomes so dependent on local expectations. (It is also difficult to see how bad is bad and what lines might have been crossed.)

[deecee]

Originally Posted by BigT

Anyone be upset if the coach had a very tight lease that night from the officials?

The leash would be the same...the first time he addresses, or tries to, the same way he talks to his players he's getting the line BNR mentioned above. "You're not going to talk to me like you do your players." He either adjusts or not, his choice.

[BigT]

Originally Posted by deecee

The leash would be the same...the first time he addresses, or tries to, the same way he talks to his players he's getting the line BNR mentioned above. "You're not going to talk to me like you do your players." He either adjusts or not, his choice.

Thanks

I feel I would go with a warning pretty quickly if border line behavior.

Monday I had a coach treating his kids badly (small school) and sure enough his true colors were showing and he treated everyone badly.

Soon it was an issue...

[stripes]

Originally Posted by bob jenkins

It could, and there's a case play / interp to that effect. But, don't be that guy.

+1. don't look for trouble.