Coach refuses to shake hands

[Chris Whitten]

What would you do if a coach shook hands with opposing captain and coach, but refused to shake your hand in the coaches/captains meeting before tip-off? I was involved in a previous game that did not end well for him.

[BktBallRef]

Ignore it. Work the game as you would any other.

Be the bigger man.

[Raymond]

Well, for that game, that's one HC who's not get any questions answered nor allowed any leeway if he steps outside the box and makes any type of comments.

[RefCT]

I guess he can't truthfully answer the "we can expect good sportsmanship from everyone" question.

[WhistlesAndStripes]

Originally Posted by RefCT

I guess he can't truthfully answer the "we can expect good sportsmanship from everyone" question.

HE can if he answers no.

[BryanV21]

We were recently instructed to handle pre-game stuff differently in one league, apparently due to at least one coach not wanting his/her players to shake hands with the opposing coach.

In any other league we, the officials, will stand in front of the table while players are being announced. Once announced players come out, shakes hands or whatever with their teammates, go over and shake the hand of the opposing coach, then shake hands/fist bump with us officials.

Now, in that one league, players no longer shake hands with the opposing coach nor us after being announced.

The reason for this change was apparently because that one coach didn't want him/her or his/her players to be seen as unsportsmanlike. I don't get it.

[j51969]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

Well, for that game, that's one HC who's not get any questions answered nor allowed any leeway if he steps outside the box and makes any type of comments.

FWIW,

I am not treating him any differently than the other coach. I don't take any of this personally even if others may. We are all human, but if I am going to sell my integrity it will be for a HELL of a lot more than a basketball game (at any level). I guess in these situations you will find the left and right limits of your .

[Adam]

Originally Posted by j51969

FWIW,

I am not treating him any differently than the other coach. I don't take any of this personally even if others may. We are all human, but if I am going to sell my integrity it will be for a HELL of a lot more than a basketball game (at any level). I guess in these situations you will find the left and right limits of your .

No one said anyone is taking it personally. Calling out the integrity of those who disagree with you is absurd.

The coach makes it clear he doesn't want to communicate, and you think it's a lack of integrity to oblige?

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by j51969

FWIW,

I am not treating him any differently than the other coach. I don't take any of this personally even if others may. We are all human, but if I am going to sell my integrity it will be for a HELL of a lot more than a basketball game (at any level). I guess in these situations you will find the left and right limits of your .

Did someone make it clear that they were going to call a game differently based off of a coach not speaking to them? Who said we had to speak to a coach to do our job? I have had coaches that shook hands, were very friendly only not to say a single word to an officials, other than what kind of timeout they wanted to use in a game. I am not getting this "integrity" BS you and others keep trying to elaborate on.

Heck I can decide I am not going to talk to a coach during a game when they have shown they are unreasonable. This just happens to be before the game and a situation that most of us have never seen. I have yet to see a coach act that childish. I have seen coaches not look pleased with a person before the game and usually it is reflected later in their comments. So if a coach is immature to do this, I have the right to make his wish come true.

Peace

[refinks]

I've never had it happen to me directly, of course by the same token at the level I work, I could care less if coaches and captains shake my hand or not. It's appreciated if they do, but if they don't, it's moreso because neither one of us took the first step to offer our hand. At the non-varsity level, it seems most officials could care less about having the pregame meeting with coaches and captains, and vice versa. It is what it is.

Now, I'm with the majority of those on the forum. If the coach wants to act like a dipwad during the game, he'll be treated as such. I give one chance for the coach to correct his or her behavior and that's it. I am usually inclinced to serve up tea before I cut off communications with a coach however. I can only think of 1 time where I was "done" with a coach. 1st half of a tough BJV game, I made a call and I could tell the coach was curious why I called what I did. He didn't ask me directly, but I could tell by his body language he wanted an explanation. When I started to give him one, he apparently didn't like it, because he told me that he didn't want to hear anything else I had to say tonight.

Second half, he decides now he is ready to ask me about some calls during the game. My response was probably longer than it needed to be, but in no certain words, I told him that if he didn't want me talking to him in the first half, then I wasn't going to talk to him in the second half either, and that if he had any questions for me, that he could communicate with me through my partner, but that was it. Message delivered and received, on my way out after the game he stopped me and apologized for his actions in the first half. I told him that I understand how coaches work and that I'm more than willing to communicate with him, but when you tell me during a game that you're done with me, then you can't go back on it, that it applies for the rest of the game.

All ended well in this situation as he got the answers he was looking for and we left peacefully. I've had him several times since and we've developed a good rapport with each other. Sometimes you have to be firm but fair to a coach to get your message across. If the coach knows what he's doing, he'll receive the message. If he doesn't, he probably won't be coaching long.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

Well, for that game, that's one HC who's not get any questions answered nor allowed any leeway if he steps outside the box and makes any type of comments.

Originally Posted by j51969

FWIW,

I am not treating him any differently than the other coach. I don't take any of this personally even if others may. We are all human, but if I am going to sell my integrity it will be for a HELL of a lot more than a basketball game (at any level). I guess in these situations you will find the left and right limits of your .

What does integrity have to do with this?

Some folks are too concerned with having cozy relationships with coaches. My mechanics, signals, and voice communicate all the information a coach needs. If he wants more than that then his behavior needs to indicate such.

[Adam]

Originally Posted by j51969

I made a general statment that wasn't directed at anyone in particular. Why you and Adam took such offense to an opinion, which I am entitled to is beyond me. However, the highlighted words are yours not mine.

I had to go back and reread what I wrote that made you think I took offense to your opinion. Your opinion that I took exception to (I wasn't offended) is below:

1. You think others are taking this sort of thing personally. I disagree. One doesn't have to take it personal to deal with unsporting or childish behavior from a coach.

2. You implicitly accuse others of selling their integrity. I simply find that insinuation to be absurd.

Originally Posted by j51969

FWIW,

I am not treating him any differently than the other coach. I don't take any of this personally even if others may. We are all human, but if I am going to sell my integrity it will be for a HELL of a lot more than a basketball game (at any level). I guess in these situations you will find the left and right limits of your .

[j51969]

Originally Posted by Adam

I had to go back and reread what I wrote that made you think I took offense to your opinion. Your opinion that I took exception to (I wasn't offended) is below:

1. You think others are taking this sort of thing personally. I disagree. One doesn't have to take it personal to deal with unsporting or childish behavior from a coach.

2. You implicitly accuse others of selling their integrity. I simply find that insinuation to be absurd.

Agree to disagree,

However, the mere fact my general comment garnered this much attention implies some may be putting way more thought into one simple act than needed. I said I wouldn't sell my integrity over this. I also said I wouldn’t take it personally. Some of the opposing comments seemed to take it personal. There are about a dozen or so who seem to respond to the majority of the post on this site. Many times when someone else disagrees, or is in the minority on an issue the piling on ensues. Previous posts over the years you seem to be a very passionate and competent official. If I may not offer an open opinion without offending you in some way maybe you have lost your perspective and objectivity.

[BillyMac]

Originally Posted by BktBallRef

Ignore it. Work the game as you would any other. Be the bigger man.

Agree 100%.

[JRutledge]

Tell him I refuse to answer any questions because of his display when he is asking a question and move on. Then see how all that works out for him.

Peace