Communicating with Coaches

[maven]

Consider an alternative approach:

Coach: HE DIDN'T FOUL HIM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING AT!
You: Coach, I'll be happy to discuss it with you if you can lower your voice.

Crucial first step is to lower the volume. At that point either he will or won't. If he won't, tell him that's enough, then whack him. If he will, then:

Coach: OK, tell me how that was a foul.
You: Well, coach, what did you see?
Coach: I didn't see a foul!!
You: Sure, but what DID you see?

Here, you invite the coach to have his say, which is (or should be) what he's really after anyway. It also gives you a moment to collect your thoughts and review the play in your mind. Again, either he'll take advantage of this opportunity, or not. If not, then move along with the game. If so, then:

Coach: My guy was straight up and down.
You: OK, from my angle he brought his arms down into the shooter, then lifted them back up again.

At this point, you've both had your say. Time to close it down and move along.

Coach: He did not!/That's not what happened!/No way!
You: Coach if it happened your way then I missed it. Now we're going to get back to the game.

Following an approach like this allows you to remain respectful, gives the coach his say, but moves the game along at a reasonable pace. If it breaks down, warn in an even tone, "that's enough" (never: "not another word!" which almost always backfires). Then whack. If he gets personal, whack immediately.

Remember, you've brought a gun to a knife fight.

[zm1283]

I try not to engage them unless they ask me a question. Comments are ignored unless they cross the line or if he becomes persistent. When I've answered their question once and they keep repeating themselves, I will just give them an "Okay" and not my head, or tell them it is time to move on and that I'm done discussing the play. That puts the ball in their court and they can choose how to handle it from there.

I had two or three instances this season where I really didn't see a play very well and the coach was persistent. I just told him I didn't see it and it's very possible I missed it. You can't do that several times a game, but most of them that are fair will appreciate the honesty.

[Scratch85]

I've given up on trying to prepare statements to use on coaches. My experience is that the noisy complainers don't care what you say so my comments to them are short and over. If a coach wants to have a legitimate conversation, I have one with him.

I've also found "you may have a point", "I may have missed that one", "if it happened as you say then I missed it" and other conceding statements do little to relieve the headache.

I've never tried, "we will have to agree to disagree and move on." I have used, "absolutely a foul (or no foul) coach." and then I move on.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by Scratch85

I've never tried, "we will have to agree to disagree and move on." I have used, "absolutely a foul (or no foul) coach." and then I move on.

I have used the latter several times too. I just want the conversation to end. I really do not care how it happens.

Peace

[maven]

Originally Posted by Scratch85

I've never tried, "we will have to agree to disagree and move on." I have used, "absolutely a foul (or no foul) coach." and then I move on.

Coaches call that "being unapproachable," and often hold such officials in low(er) regard. Many officials don't care, and this point will fail to move them.

You can give a coach his say without being a pushover and without permitting him to be an a$$hat. It's not an either/or situation. Finding the right balance is a real art, but it distinguishes the best officials, IMO.

[Smitty]

Originally Posted by maven

Coaches call that "being unapproachable," and often hold such officials in low(er) regard.

I don't agree with this at all.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by maven

Coaches call that "being unapproachable," and often hold such officials in low(er) regard. Many officials don't care, and this point will fail to move them.

And if they do, Who cares!!! I will be around or have been around longer than they will. I have even told coaches "I will stop talking to you until you have something more repectful to say."

We worry way too much about what coaches think. And I say that with coaches and a ratings system they are involved in my state.

Peace

[Scratch85]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

We worry way too much about what coaches think. And I say that with coaches and a ratings system they are involved in my state.

Peace

This is very close to my belief and I too come from a rating system that until this year was 100% coaches' rating. This year it is 50%.

I prefer to say, I think we worry too much about trying to manipulate an amicable solution to every situation a coach throws at us. Call a good game, be respectful. The rest will work itself out.

[canuckrefguy]

Originally Posted by maven

coaches call that "being unapproachable," and often hold such officials in low(er) regard.

Originally Posted by smitty

i don't agree with this at all.

+1

Originally Posted by jrutledge

and if they do, who cares!!!

Originally Posted by jrutledge

we worry way too much about what coaches think.

+1000

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by maven

Coaches call that "being unapproachable," and often hold such officials in low(er) regard. Many officials don't care, and this point will fail to move them.

The way a coach talks to me shows what kind of regard he has for me. If he's being an a$$-hole in my game I don't care what he thinks about me tomorrow. He's going to correct his behavior today. If a coach wants an official to be approachable than that coach needs to be respectful. I've dealt with plenty of coaches who understand this and are successful coaches. I know in my 5 seasons of college games I have yet to come across a HC who turns into a douchebag, no matter how unhappy they may be. They have learned to get their points across and even earn some T's without crossing that line of being personally disrespectful.

Originally Posted by maven

You can give a coach his say without being a pushover and without permitting him to be an a$$hat. It's not an either/or situation. Finding the right balance is a real art, but it distinguishes the best officials, IMO.

This I agree with.

[Rich]

Originally Posted by maven

Coaches call that "being unapproachable," and often hold such officials in low(er) regard. Many officials don't care, and this point will fail to move them.

A$$hat coaches call any official who won't stand there and take a bunch of whining and complaining as being unapproachable.

[maven]

Originally Posted by Rich

A$$hat coaches call any official who won't stand there and take a bunch of whining and complaining as being unapproachable.

True enough, and they're wrong in their conception of what 'unapproachable' means.

That's not a reason to be unapproachable.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by maven

True enough, and they're wrong in their conception of what 'unapproachable' means.

That's not a reason to be unapproachable.

I think the point is we need to stop listening to coaches about what we should or should not do.

Peace

[egj13]

Originally Posted by maven

Coach: He did not!/That's not what happened!/No way!
You: Coach if it happened your way then I missed it. Now we're going to get back to the game.

Over the years as I matured...some argue I still haven't...this is the approach I most often take unless they don't offer me the opportunity to get to this point. I have no problem with saying "Not saying I haven't missed a call in my life but I saw X so that is what we are going with." 90% of the coaches I have encountered will drop it or at least begin to cool down after this. I think many of our compadres that refuse to admit error cause coaches to look at us like we think we are above the game.