Tough Game

[garn05]

Newbie here. I had a girls jv game this morning (my 4th "official game" of the season, not counting middle school and rec games). My partner is a 4 year official. The game was pretty ugly; it started with a crash under the board and it was pretty much like that the whole way. I am the first one to admit that I need to have a better understanding of the switches on time-outs and be more attentive when subs need to come in. Anyway, halftime came and my partner told me that he thought I would be better than I was. He said I needed to use my ovaries to blow more powerfully into the whistle, and especially since I was a woman, that I needed to show those girls who is in control out there. He went on to comment on pretty much every aspect of my referee skills (or lack thereof). Second half, I did try to work on the things that seemed to bother him the most (I could tell by his frustrating looks what those were), but I am certain I wasn't doing a whole lot better than the first half. It was the worst game I have worked yet. I am trying to take the positives, while not dwelling how awful the game was. I am upset that i didn't do a better job (maybe call everything which would have meant a stoppage every 35 seconds or so) or what?? The few games I have worked prior to this were also girls jv games and I thought (based on my evaluation by varsity refs & my partners) that I was "progressing" alright. I don't know what I want to ask you all except do I just chalk this up to a learning experience? It just made me feel like I just want to throw away my whistle. Sorry to vent.....

[Jurassic Referee]

Whatever you do, do NOT chalk that up as a learning experience. That is not only one God-awful way to try and train somebody but is also one God-awful way to treat a fellow official. He did absolutely nothing to help you learn anything in that game.

I'm not even going to begin to tell you where I thought he went wrong. There's a way to train officials and that ain't it. My advice is to just wipe that one from your mind. And please don't even think about throwing your whistle away. We need all of the good young, dedicated people that we can get in our avocation.

From your post, I think that you've got the right attitude towards learning. Hang in there and don't let people like that get to you.

[grunewar]

Absolutely agree with the Jurassic one!

If you take anything away from this game it should be - as I learn, mature, and get better I will never treat another offiicial or person like he treated me. A perfect example how NOT to teach, learn, and mentor newer officials.

We've all had a bad game, or ten, forget em and move on!

Stick with it!

[ref3808]

It may have been a tough game, but even if he thought you were far behind the learning curve there is no excuse to treat you in that fashion. By vocation I work in training and development, and this "official" broke every rule that exists in the training field. For that matter, he loses on the old chestnut "treat others as you would want to be treated".

You have the support of most of the people on this forum, and will have if you continue to want to improve your skills. Keep at it.

[mbyron]

I agree with what's been said so far. Try not to be discouraged by the awful behavior of one partner. It's your misfortune to have encountered this bum so early in your career.

I will add that it's important to separate in your mind what you did badly from how you were treated badly. This game might just deserve throwing away; but if you want to learn from it, try to pick 2 or 3 things to look up. Get those right in the next game, and you will have improved.

I will also comment that girls JV is often difficult to officiate: there's so much contact, and that pressures officials to call based on advantage/disadvantage. That's a concept that most novices are still learning (hell, many advanced officials are still learning it!), and so you're bound to make lots of mistakes. Just realize it's part of the territory, and a rite of passage.

[wildcatter]

That's a really tough one to stomach. It's one thing to have a player or a coach rip into you - you get over it pretty quickly. But stripes on stripes badmouthing is awful and unacceptable. Ignore him, ignore his sexist comments and get back out there quickly so you can put this behind you.

Also remember, when players aren't too skilled and games are ugly, it's rare to come out of the game feeling great. You just move on. This game sounded ugly, and your partner, being the jagoff that he is, probably took his frustration out on you. Kudos to you for keeping your cool not kicking him in the balls.

[KJUmp]

Hang in there. As others have stated, we've all had bad game. I'm a newbie too, and one thing i've learned from the vets here, when you have have a bad game, try to take at least one thing from it that you could have done better, and work on it in your next couple of games. But most importantly, move on. Don't get discouraged, don't quit.
Your P treated you horribly, forget him....he's not worth wasting your time thinking about. As Jurassic said, your post indicates that you have the right attitude to become a fine official.
Good luck with the rest of your season.

[Freddy]

Originally Posted by garn05

Newbie here. I had a girls jv game this morning (my 4th "official game" of the season, not counting middle school . . ..

I agree with previous postings, except to add this: don't consider those middle school game opportunities less than what they could be for you -- opportunities to intentionally get better for the JV games you'll be doing. Don't discount them as anything less. They can really be a tool to help you shine up your mechanics and positioning for levels above that if approached with that intent.

Originally Posted by garn05

He said I needed to use my ovaries to blow more powerfully into the whistle.

HE SAID WHAT??? I know women referees who would have kicked him square in the male anatomy counterparts of the body parts you mentioned!!!

[rwest]

First of all, we all have games like that. If we quit the first bad game we had, we would never have made it out of our 1st year. If you enjoy what you are doing, then don't quit. Stick with it. You will get better. It sounds like you care about doing a good job. That's probably the most important aspect of being a good official. If you don't care, you won't read the rule book, attend clinics, etc.

Every time you step on the court you should learn something. You learn from every partner you have. Unfortunately, sometimes it's what not to do. That's what you learned from this guy. To acutally bring your ovaries into the discourse is total unprofessional and unbelievable.

Also, remember that there are fouls, violations and ugly. Ugly isn't always a foul. It's just ugly. We don't call ugly. We call fouls and violations. Leave ugly alone.

As others have suggested, concentrate on improving a part of your game each time you go onto the court. Being new, you have a lot to work one. That's not meant as an insult! We all did! Take it one game at a time. Work on two or three things each game. If you have a good partner let them know what you want to work on, but only if you can trust them and only if you respect their opinion.

Hang in there.

[CMHCoachNRef]

Originally Posted by garn05

Newbie here. I had a girls jv game this morning (my 4th "official game" of the season, not counting middle school and rec games). My partner is a 4 year official. The game was pretty ugly; it started with a crash under the board and it was pretty much like that the whole way. I am the first one to admit that I need to have a better understanding of the switches on time-outs and be more attentive when subs need to come in. Anyway, halftime came and my partner told me that he thought I would be better than I was. He said I needed to use my ovaries to blow more powerfully into the whistle, and especially since I was a woman, that I needed to show those girls who is in control out there. He went on to comment on pretty much every aspect of my referee skills (or lack thereof). Second half, I did try to work on the things that seemed to bother him the most (I could tell by his frustrating looks what those were), but I am certain I wasn't doing a whole lot better than the first half. It was the worst game I have worked yet. I am trying to take the positives, while not dwelling how awful the game was. I am upset that i didn't do a better job (maybe call everything which would have meant a stoppage every 35 seconds or so) or what?? The few games I have worked prior to this were also girls jv games and I thought (based on my evaluation by varsity refs & my partners) that I was "progressing" alright. I don't know what I want to ask you all except do I just chalk this up to a learning experience? It just made me feel like I just want to throw away my whistle. Sorry to vent.....

1. Ignore this situation and hope to never see this partner again.

2. Find yourself more middle school and younger games to do. My own personal feeling is that new officials are much better off spending their entire first year doing 4th to 6th grade games. These games provide an excellent opportunity to work on mechanics and foul/violation recognition in a slow moving enviroment. MS games should be considered upper level games.

3. I would avoid HS games to the extent possible in your first year. Unless you have officiated other sports or have officiated basketball where you did not need a license, you quite probably are in over your head doing HS games.

4. Try to find yourself a mentor who is willing to work these lower youth games with you. He/She can help you improve your mechanics, improve on your positioning, improve on your foul/violation recognition in a positive way.

5. Please do not take these statements in a negative way, at all as they are meant to help a typical young/new official to progress in a controlled way. This path will allow you to grow as an official with less pressure -- and a slower game. There is plenty of time to move up.

Good luck!!!

[garn05]

First, thank you so much for your advice and support by telling me to hang in there. I appreciate it more that you know.

I totally agree about first year refs (at least in my case) working mainly middle school and rec center games. I have immensely enjoyed those games and feel that I learned a lot. The refs I worked with were tremendously helpful and maybe due to the fact that it was those types of games, it allowed them to feel less pressured (and me too!!) to get every call right. I have a few more JV games this season, but after that, I will be working at the YMCA to ref where I intend to work on all my skills as well as reviewing my books. I do care deeply about what I am doing and have a lot of personal pride. I want to do good; I want the kids to be able to see me at a game and look forward to being on the court with me. Is that naive? (no one has to answer that...). Thanks again for having this forum to be able to gage my thoughts and actions.

[BillyMac]

Originally Posted by garn05

I had a girls JV game this morning, my 4th "official game" of the season, not counting middle school and rec games.

Middle school games do count. I've been a high school varsity official for almost twenty-five years and I still do Catholic middle school games, including "junior varsity" Catholic middle school games, which includes kids down to fifth grade. I do them for several reasons, it gives me some action on weekends, and on weekday nights when I'm free, I enjoy the camaraderie among the officials, coaches, players, and fans, the $30.00 games fees for a one hour game (6:00 periods), and most importantly, I see weird things happen in these games that you don't normally see in a high school game, so if, and when, they do occur in my high school game, I'm ready for that situation. It's not everybody's cup of tea, but it works for me.

[Adam]

Frankly, I think it's a bunch of crap.
1. Your partner was a moron. I've had bosses like that, and their results were just as bad as this guy's. I sure hope he feels better about his own lack of skills now, because that's the only reason he could have treated you that way.

2. I disagree that first year officials should only work ms games. No one here knows how good you are yet, so that sort of advice on this type of board is bogus, IMO. Is it perhaps better to have most of your games be ms? Sure, but I wouldn't listen to anyone but your assigner when they tell you what level you should or shouldn't be working.

3. Consider this whole thing a lesson in growing thick skin, and in how to treat newer officials when you gain experience.

4. I would have asked him how long his first marriage lasted.

[mbyron]

Originally Posted by Snaqwells

4. I would have asked him how long his first marriage lasted.

Heh!

[rockyroad]

Originally Posted by Snaqwells

4. I would have asked him how long his first marriage lasted.

You're giving him a lot of credit there, don't you think?