After game situation

[youngref33]

I was wondering if I handled this situation correctly?

Working an AAU tournament.
One team is more aggressive and reaching all the time.
Parents and coaching are saying I am being bias to one team.
I my opinion I was not.

After the game..two parents preceded to come up to my partner and myself I complain about me being bias. My partner supporting me the whole time, one of the parents turned to me and said "you know what you should do?"
I turned to him and said "sir, I really don't care what your opinion is"
Then he proceeds to tell me that I would care if "we took this outside". I looked to him and said "real mature sir" and walked away.

Talking to another official, he told me I was the professional and handled it wrong.
Any suggestions on how to handle dumb situations like this?

[Nevadaref]

1. There is nothing illegal about reaching. I hope that you weren't calling fouls for reaching.

2. Never engage in any conversation with the parents before, during, or after an AAU contest. Nothing positive can come from it. Simply pretend that you don't hear them and walk away. Between games go find a restroom or a place to get a drink away from everyone. Just get the heck out of there until they depart.

[Bad Zebra]

In my experience withh AAU parents, I have found it best to avoid ANY post-game contact. Invariably, it will end badly regardless of how close or one sided the final score. Wait in the locker room for the gym to clear. Don't respond to ANY comments directed your way, good or bad.

I have gone so far as to instruct/require the site administrator to get a local law enforcement member to the site if I'm not "feeling the love" at the end of the third quarter. You can usually get a sense of their emotional level by then. Any horse's a**es will usually make their presence known by then.

IMO, you made a mistake by engaging the parent after the game. Learn from it. There WILL be others if you continue with AAU ball

[AKOFL]

Don't tell them you don't care what they have to say even though we don't. Be less confrontational. Let them rant all they want if you can't get away. Thank them for their oppinion (without sounding sarcastic which will be very hard) and leave it at that. Thier feed back on your skills should be like water off a ducks back. Officials must be calm at all times, even though we have to deal with parents who know little to nothing about what it is we do. Just my 2 and a half cents.

[Mark Padgett]

Originally Posted by youngref33

Then he proceeds to tell me that I would care if "we took this outside".

"That would be fine with me, sir, as long as I can stop at my car first to retrieve my weapon. BTW - the last guy to mess with me is now referred to as Legless Louie. OK - let's go."

[refiator]

Smile and say "I appreciate your feedback".....and walk away.

[Mark T. DeNucci, Sr.]

My favorite line to an idiotic parent in recent years is this: "Mom/Dad, do you really want your child to see you leave the facility in handcuffs in the backsead ot a police car? If you do not, then get away from me immediately."

MTD, Sr.

Originally Posted by youngref33

Talking to another official, he told me I was the professional and handled it wrong.
Any suggestions on how to handle dumb situations like this?

IMO the following was the first situation handled wrong:

Originally Posted by youngref33

Parents and coaching are saying I am being bias to one team.

The end of the game should've come long before the... end of the game. Coaching staff questioning our integrity is an absolute T & subject to DQ.

Originally Posted by youngref33

After the game..two parents preceded to come up to my partner and myself I complain about me being bias.

It's a shame the we have to do this, but, start walking in the opposite direction! If you can't get away, "thank you sir/ma'am" generally works fine.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by youngref33

I was wondering if I handled this situation correctly?

Working an AAU tournament.
One team is more aggressive and reaching all the time.
Parents and coaching are saying I am being bias to one team.
I my opinion I was not.

After the game..two parents preceded to come up to my partner and myself I complain about me being bias. My partner supporting me the whole time, one of the parents turned to me and said "you know what you should do?"
I turned to him and said "sir, I really don't care what your opinion is"
Then he proceeds to tell me that I would care if "we took this outside". I looked to him and said "real mature sir" and walked away.

Talking to another official, he told me I was the professional and handled it wrong.
Any suggestions on how to handle dumb situations like this?

IMO, your mistake was allowing yourself to be approached. I make myself very unapproachable after every game. Walk away before anything can be said.

But once you were engaged I have no problem what so ever with your comments. You are under no obligation to be polite to a$$hole parents or coaches after a game.

[Mark Padgett]

Originally Posted by youngref33

Parents and coaching are saying I am being bias to one team.

If a coach accuses you of being biased, that's an automatic T in my book. A good response to inane comments from parents is: "Coming from an expert like you, that means a lot".

[just another ref]

In response to criticism after a game, I have used the following:

To someone I know: You may be right, but you're not qualified to criticize.

To someone I don't know: Fine, anything else?

Originally Posted by Mark Padgett

"That would be fine with me, sir, as long as I can stop at my car first to retrieve my weapon. BTW - the last guy to mess with me is now referred to as Legless Louie. OK - let's go."

You always have a classic waiting Mark.

[Tio]

The downside of AAU games is that often officials are sitting with or near the fans. I tend to agree that dialog can only lead down a "bad road." If a fan challenged me to "go outside", I would absolutely file a formal complaint with the league and your assigning body.

[M&M Guy]

Originally Posted by Mark Padgett

"That would be fine with me, sir, as long as I can stop at my car first to retrieve my weapon. BTW - the last guy to mess with me is now referred to as Legless Louie. OK - let's go."

I have as much of an off-the-wall sense of humor as anyone, and for the most part, understand your comments as being very tongue-in-cheek. (I hope...)

I just think it needs to be pointed out to youngref33 that this comment was intended as humor, and this approach should never be used in real life. No matter how many times we really want to do this, or if we really do have a gun in the car.

[Ref_in_Alberta]

Originally Posted by youngref33

I was wondering if I handled this situation correctly?

Working an AAU tournament.
One team is more aggressive and reaching all the time.
Parents and coaching are saying I am being bias to one team.
I my opinion I was not.

After the game..two parents preceded to come up to my partner and myself I complain about me being bias. My partner supporting me the whole time, one of the parents turned to me and said "you know what you should do?"
I turned to him and said "sir, I really don't care what your opinion is"
Then he proceeds to tell me that I would care if "we took this outside". I looked to him and said "real mature sir" and walked away.

Talking to another official, he told me I was the professional and handled it wrong.
Any suggestions on how to handle dumb situations like this?

Best thing to do in these situations, IMHO (and others already) is not to engage. Having said that...

- I have in the past suggested that if the person questioning my officiating come to our rookie clinic in the fall and start refereeing because our local board is always looking for referees and their expertise would be awesome.

- "tell you what sir/ma'am, I'll let you critique my preformance if I can critique yours and your son/daughter's preformance afterwards... I'll be just as honest and forthwright as I'm sure you're about to..."

- good ole "Thank You." and keep on walking works...

- I had a partner one night respond to a parent who had made a comment on how bad we were say "Well sir, we may of been bad but at least we weren't 25 points bad..."

Originally Posted by youngref33

Then he proceeds to tell me that I would care if "we took this outside".

"Sure... if I'm not there in 5 minutes, start without me."
Then proceed to call your local law enforcement and have the jacka$$ arrested for uttering threats...

But like I said, along with others the best way to deal with this situation is to walk away from it and not get involved.

My 2 cents...