what does a ref think when a player argues or talks?

[Hawks Coach]

In my experience, the more seasoned and better (the two are not always equal!) refs tend to referee with a confidence that shows the minute they step onto the court. They speak with authority whenever they addrress a player or coach. They carry themselves in a manner that lets you know they are in charge.

When things get heated, these officials maintain a neutral composure which allows them to make a strong statement toward a player or coach, yet not to personalize that statement. If they issue a T, they do that with the same mannerism that they call travelling. They have the experience and confidence in that experience to observe and address a situation and not get dragged into a personal confrontation with a person whose intent is precisely to have that sort of confrontation. The key is to remain emotionally detached (to all extents possible) from an emotional situation. It is definitely a practiced skill.