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  #1 (permalink)  
Old Fri Jan 26, 2001, 09:20am
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Question

Let me preface these questions with this.

I have three children (Twin girls who are 3 1/2 and another daughter who is 20 months old). My wife and I are expecting #4 in August.

My wife does not work outside the home.

I am currently officiating three sports: Football, basketball, and baseball. My favorite sport to officiate BY FAR is football. I do basketball because I enjoy being a part of a game in which I would love to have played but never had the skills. I picked up baseball because I played the game and I had a friend who thinks I can become a really good umpire. I'm going to give up baseball because I don't enjoy it. Too slow of a game for me.

My wife understands my desire to advance in football and grants me a lot of leeway. She doesn't complain too much about the basketball or baseball because she gets to spend the money I earn for the games on anything she wants.

My questions are these (and maybe answers from veterens would be helpful here):

How do you manage your family time? My kids are always in bed by the time I get home so I don't get to spend much time with them.

Do you have a spouse that complains about the time that you are gone and if so, how do you handle that? Have you made compromises? If so, what has worked?

For those of you with older children, does it get easier when the kids get older? How old were your kids when you started?

I may renew my license in basketball but not do any games. That way I don't lose any opportunity for promotion.

Let me know what your experiences are. They may be helpful in my final decision.


Thanks!

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Old Fri Jan 26, 2001, 09:39am
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Quote:
Originally posted by mikesears

Do you have a spouse that complains about the time that you are gone and if so, how do you handle that? Have you made compromises? If so, what has worked?

I won't try to address all of your questions, but I will respond to this one.

I try to keep my wife happy by doing everything I can do on my days off from officiating. When I am home, she just gets to relax. It makes me feel good knowing that I'm doing all I can do to "ease the pain" of being away from my daughter and her. Get those dishes done. Vacuum that floor. Do the laundry. Get the point?

There is no job (career, officiating, etc.) that is more important than our families. I know we sometimes forget that, but we shouldn't.

By no means am I perfect, but the effort I put out is appreciated by my wife.

Hope this helps.
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Old Fri Jan 26, 2001, 09:41am
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When my daughter was born, I gave up playing basketball 3-4 nights a week and officiating 2-3 nights a week. I gave this up for 3yrs. I currently spend every minute i can with my family. I don't go out, i don't party. I do go to the YMCA with my daughter a lot. We do a lot of activities togather. I take them on mini vacations when i go to camps in the off season. Bottom line when your not ref-ing, spend time only with them. OH and let them SHOP a lot!
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Old Fri Jan 26, 2001, 09:55am
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More than just veterans have a say on this!

Quote:
Originally posted by mikesears
Let me preface these questions with this.

I have three children (Twin girls who are 3 1/2 and another daughter who is 20 months old). My wife and I are expecting #4 in August.
I have two children with one due in two weeks!

Quote:
My wife does not work outside the home.
Neither does mine!

Quote:
I am currently officiating three sports: Football, basketball, and baseball. My favorite sport to officiate BY FAR is football.
Then drop the ones you don't have greatest interest in, and only do football!

Quote:
I do basketball because I enjoy being a part of a game in which I would love to have played but never had the skills. I picked up baseball because I played the game and I had a friend who thinks I can become a really good umpire. I'm going to give up baseball because I don't enjoy it. Too slow of a game for me.
You are not helping the image of fellow officials/umpires by merely staying in "just because". Get out before you come to hate the respective sports!...and before you get burned out on ALL/ANY officiating and, God forbid, start to hate your favorite sport--football. I have been asked to join football crews & baseball crews. I just say "no". My focus & love is for basketball officiating...and I'm sticking only to it for now.

Quote:
My wife understands my desire to advance in football and grants me a lot of leeway.
Then concentrate solely on this favorite sport and be the best you can be!

Quote:
She doesn't complain too much about the basketball or baseball because she gets to spend the money I earn for the games on anything she wants.
That is NOT why you should be in it!!!! Or why she should tolerate it!!!!!

Quote:
How do you manage your family time? My kids are always in bed by the time I get home so I don't get to spend much time with them.
I try to stick to no more than 3 games/week. If at all possible, I try to make it home by 5:30 to give my wife a 30-minute break before I leave for the night. I make a point to take my wife out on dates at least once every 2 weeks. I kiss my kids goodnight before I leave. I tuck them in when I get home. And finally, I talk to my wife about the happenings of the day...if she's still awake when I get home. I keep her as the focus of our marriage!

Quote:
Do you have a spouse that complains about the time that you are gone and if so, how do you handle that? Have you made compromises? If so, what has worked?
I went over some of these things above. She doesn't complain because she knows I'm an excellent official, plus, she understands my dream of making it to D-I and is willing to sacrifice WITH ME. On the weekends, the kids are all mine for at least one whole day while she "re-coups".

Quote:
For those of you with older children, does it get easier when the kids get older? How old were your kids when you started?
Can't answer that one yet but am looking forward to hearing some answers!

Quote:
I may renew my license in basketball but not do any games. That way I don't lose any opportunity for promotion.
Mike, don't take this the wrong way, but why should YOU be promoted? Why shouldn't some other official who is out there making family sacrifices, working his tail off, get promoted BEFORE a guy like you does?

Would you want fellow FOOTBALL officials doing this? I suspect not! If I were a football official who decided to sit out a year, I would not be so unrealistic to think that "...if I just stay licensed, I'll keep my place/rank..." What if you were the offical ranked just under me...working several games a week to improve, and some assignor/observer comes to you and says, "Mike, you've done a commendable job, but so & so is ranked above you. And since he sat out this year, I can't move you up in the rankings because..."

Step out for a year. Concentrate solely on football, and revisit basketball & baseball after taking a year off. Maybe your football officiating will improve ten-fold as you will be concentrating solely on football?!?!

Good luck!
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Old Fri Jan 26, 2001, 10:50am
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It does not get easier with older kids. Last night I missed my 4th grade daughters basketball game and my 7th grade daughters basketball game. Tonight i will miss my Jrs. Orchestra concert and my 7th graders basketball game. Tomorrow I will miss my 7th graders basketball game. As your kids get older they will become involved in more and more activities which you will want to attend. I officiate basketball only. All of January and half of February I will call 3 to 5 days a week. I miss a lot of family activities during that time. I did take a week off to attend the inaugural parade in Washington DC to see my high school daughter march. Take time with your family at every opportunity and have the good fortune to have loving and understanding spouse and children.
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Old Fri Jan 26, 2001, 11:00am
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Mike --

I'm not sure how assigning is done in central IL, but one thing you could consider is going to a "week-to-week" schedule. That is, you wouldn't agree to any games before the season starts, but as people cancel, etc. you could fill in. This gives you an easy (or relatively easy) way to avoid overworking -- yet you'd be filling a valuable position.
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Old Fri Jan 26, 2001, 11:14am
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Re: More than just veterans have a say on this!

Mike, don't take this the wrong way, but why should YOU be promoted? Why shouldn't some other official who is out there making family sacrifices, working his tail off, get promoted BEFORE a guy like you does?

In Illinois, we have three levels of advancement as far as the IHSA is concerned. Registered, Recognized, and Certified. If I left basketball without renewing my IHSA license I would have to start all over again. Next year, I am eligible to try to become Recognized. If I don't renew, I would have to do another two years before I would be eligible. So I hope I am explaining that I am talking about our certification system in Illinois and not about getting better or higher level assignments.
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Old Fri Jan 26, 2001, 04:18pm
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It does get somewhat easier as the kids get older. Mine are 13-17-22 and the 17 year old demands very little time. My challenge is to find a way to give him time! As for my wife, I didn't even like basketball before we married. It was the only sport she did like, so I learned it -- coached my step-children, and then moved into ref'ing. So she can only blame herself, and she often jokes about that. BTW, I help run our church league which consumes 13+ hours every Saturday! Enough background....

Rule #1, told me by the vets in our association, is at the end of the season you take some of that money your earned and go away for a few days with your wife -- just the two of you. This provides something for BOTH of us to look forward to.

Next, I don't work Sundays nor Mondays. That's not much, but at least those are weekly windows where I can be involved in the family. (My wife may schedule social events, but I try not to put anything on the calendar for those days.) Plus, spiritual growth is far more important than basketball and my behavior will demonstrate that belief to my children. I teach adults at church and our whole family is active there.

My kids are still up when I get home, so I can interact or help with that tough homework question then. My wife is a late owl, so we talk about the day including my game(s).

Parenting is a fulltime commitment, but cannot consume all your time. (Mortages and food require money....) We give up things to rear our children. That's a cost we gladly pay. This year the early Junior High basketball season was in desparate need of officials since many are doing football. I worked only one day. Why? My daughter plays, and I went to her games instead. I lost points with my assigner I'm sure, but that is just a cost of parenting.

As in most areas of life, communication is critical. Your family should know the duration of your involvement. You should know the "temperature" of your family. If the need arises, bail from b-ball for the week and focus on the much more important things. Regardless, plan to take a day or two of vacation from your day job during the season to invest in the family (maybe on a school holiday?).

Don't allow your enthusiasm for sports cloud your value system -- our families are far more important.
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Old Mon Jan 29, 2001, 08:56am
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I do three sports as well.

It took my wife and I some time to adjust but our "rules" seem to work pretty good right now. It was rough in the beginning, I was already an official when we met, and she did not understand the time and commitment that we make. Now she knows, and is pretty supportive of everything.

1) I limit my schedule to 2 games a week, unless she tells me to pick up more games. This way there is room to scheudle other things during the week, if we have nothing going on, I'll pick stuff up.

2) Saturdays are off limits except in September, January, and May. These are the three big months for my sports.

3) This is an unofficial rule, but after each season we take a trip. After Vball, and Bball it is a long weekend. After track it is a 10 day trip. This is a good way to spend some of those hard earned game checks, and recharge for the next season.

We don't have kids yet, but I think we have set up a good system.
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Old Mon Jan 29, 2001, 02:01pm
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Exclamation Thanks all - my decision

Drum roll please . . . . . . . .

I've decided to go ahead and renew my basketball license when the time comes. I'm only going to do one or two games a week and I will take several weeks off during the season.

I think my wife and children can handle me being gone one or two nights a week. My assignor will also be aware of my comittment to my family.

I've also resolved to never listen to fans and to take what I need from coaches and either dismiss or stop the rest of it.

Again,

Thanks for all of your support and comments!
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Old Mon Jan 29, 2001, 05:42pm
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Talking

Brian,

Keep Takin' those after season trips and it won't be long before you have kids.
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Old Mon Jan 29, 2001, 05:56pm
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Does it get easier as the kids get older? It did with me. Fortunately, I was able to work my schedule around my two daughter's events, so I missed very few. As my son got older and got into basketball (3rd grade), I made sure I was not reffing when he had games. Then, when he reached 7th grade, he started reffing in our rec league.

He is now 20 and we have reffed together many times. In fact, we have a game together this week. If you have a kid old enough to start, there's really no feeling better for an official than to ref with your own kid.
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Old Tue Jan 30, 2001, 09:07am
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Mike, You sound like a considerate husband and a wonderful father!
Here's my situation:
I am a 37-year-old mother of three (boy 10-yr-old, boy 8 yr-old, girl 6 yr. old). I'm only in my second season as a basketball official.

I have tried to limit myself to being out-of-the-house in the evening to three times per week. It is more difficult for me in that my husband works often until 8:00 or 9:00 PM and I must rely on high school babysitters when I am out.

As your children get older, they will get involved in their own extracurricular activities (as stated above) and you will find it difficult "missing" occasional activities due to your officiating assignments.

There will also be times when you leave the house and it will be difficult. Last night I had a 6:00 PM High School JV game. Fifteen minutes before the babysitter was due to come, my 8-yr-old said he didn't feel well, I took his temperature...it was 103! I gave him a dose of Childrens' Advil. Told the sitter to keep him quiet on the couch. Took my cell phone. Called my husband at work to let him know about the homefront situation. And went and worked my game. I made a good effort to keep my mind focused on the game and did my best. It was difficult, but I got through it. Naturally, I was being evaluated last night!
Anyway, the point is...when you have young children situations like the above are not unusual. Just do your best...and keep on keeping on!!!

Best of luck to you and your young family! I hope your wife enjoys good health during this pregnancy and my thoughts are with you both for a safe and healthy delivery in August!

-Becky
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