[Richard Ogg]

It does get somewhat easier as the kids get older. Mine are 13-17-22 and the 17 year old demands very little time. My challenge is to find a way to give him time! As for my wife, I didn't even like basketball before we married. It was the only sport she did like, so I learned it -- coached my step-children, and then moved into ref'ing. So she can only blame herself, and she often jokes about that. BTW, I help run our church league which consumes 13+ hours every Saturday! Enough background....

Rule #1, told me by the vets in our association, is at the end of the season you take some of that money your earned and go away for a few days with your wife -- just the two of you. This provides something for BOTH of us to look forward to.

Next, I don't work Sundays nor Mondays. That's not much, but at least those are weekly windows where I can be involved in the family. (My wife may schedule social events, but I try not to put anything on the calendar for those days.) Plus, spiritual growth is far more important than basketball and my behavior will demonstrate that belief to my children. I teach adults at church and our whole family is active there.

My kids are still up when I get home, so I can interact or help with that tough homework question then. My wife is a late owl, so we talk about the day including my game(s).

Parenting is a fulltime commitment, but cannot consume all your time. (Mortages and food require money....) We give up things to rear our children. That's a cost we gladly pay. This year the early Junior High basketball season was in desparate need of officials since many are doing football. I worked only one day. Why? My daughter plays, and I went to her games instead. I lost points with my assigner I'm sure, but that is just a cost of parenting.

As in most areas of life, communication is critical. Your family should know the duration of your involvement. You should know the "temperature" of your family. If the need arises, bail from b-ball for the week and focus on the much more important things. Regardless, plan to take a day or two of vacation from your day job during the season to invest in the family (maybe on a school holiday?).

Don't allow your enthusiasm for sports cloud your value system -- our families are far more important.