Technicals

[Bad Zebra]

Sounds to me like you were probably justified whacking the coach for his comments and behavior but you threw gas on the fire by telling him to sit down. As stated by others, there's no rules basis for that and it probably escalated the situation with the head coach.

Additionally, the assistant was correct and was likely really trying to help you...your response to him sounds a bit dickish as well. Not trying to be harsh, but in my opinion, I'd say you could have handled the entire scenario better and you would have come off a good bit more professional. This is a perfect example where specific rules knowledge could have helped you (assuming its NFHS rule set). If this coach were to complain to your assigner, he'd have a legitimate gripe.

[Dad]

I've never seen a reason to treat coaches like enemies. There's going to be calls they don't like and they will let you know about it. Maybe you're being melodramatic, but it sounds like the first coach already had a foot out the door when he started complaining. Given it took the coach so long to act out you may have missed the call.

Your attitude towards the AC was uncalled for, imo.

[so cal lurker]

Originally Posted by Bad Zebra

Additionally, the assistant was correct and was likely really trying to help you...your response to him sounds a bit dickish as well.

You have got to be kidding. Asst coach, in the heat of the moment, telling the referee he handled it wrong was "really trying to help"? Hogwash. Among the *least* responsible things to ever come out of a coach's mouth during a game is "I'm a referee . . . ." While the Asst was right about the sit down comment, that doesn't mean he was really trying to help.

But to tankmjg24, take the advice to walk back through and figure out what you could have done differently. Think about more effective tools to end conversations without ratcheting up tension.

The rules have plenty of ways you can deal with this coach instead of having to MSU.

[Rich]

Originally Posted by AremRed

The rules have plenty of ways you can deal with this coach instead of having to MSU.

Exactly. Whack him and then tell him to sit down.

Originally Posted by Rich

Exactly. Whack him and then tell him to sit down.

Bingo.

[Bad Zebra]

Originally Posted by so cal lurker

You have got to be kidding. Asst coach, in the heat of the moment, telling the referee he handled it wrong was "really trying to help"? Hogwash. Among the *least* responsible things to ever come out of a coach's mouth during a game is "I'm a referee . . . ." While the Asst was right about the sit down comment, that doesn't mean he was really trying to help.

But to tankmjg24, take the advice to walk back through and figure out what you could have done differently. Think about more effective tools to end conversations without ratcheting up tension.

I've coached in youth leagues where I've also officiated, so this isn't really a far fetched scenario. I'm going to assume that he was being honest about actually being an official. Put yourself in the position of the assistant...you're taking over for a coach that has gotten tossed partly because a newbie kicked a rule and turned a simple T into a train wreck...would you say anything? I think I would. Not to be a dick...the official obviously has a low threshold at this point...but to maybe try to gain a little credibility with the official. I don't think the assistant was being irresponsible...in the end, he was correct.

[so cal lurker]

Originally Posted by Bad Zebra

I've coached in youth leagues where I've also officiated, so this isn't really a far fetched scenario. I'm going to assume that he was being honest about actually being an official. Put yourself in the position of the assistant...you're taking over for a coach that has gotten tossed partly because a newbie kicked a rule and turned a simple T into a train wreck...would you say anything? I think I would. Not to be a dick...the official obviously has a low threshold at this point...but to maybe try to gain a little credibility with the official. I don't think the assistant was being irresponsible...in the end, he was correct.

OK, who on here takes it well when a coach says "I'm ref and . . ." ?!?! And take that coach more seriously after he says it?!?! Anyone? Anyone?

If you think, immediately after the head coach was tossed, the asst coach was trying to be helpful, I have some great ocean front property in North Dakota that I can give you a great deal on . . .

And I don't think our OP really "kicked a rule," so much as he was sloppy in how he talked to the coach. As I read the scenario, he was just trying to tell the coach the conversation was over, and did it poorly. The coach used it as an excuse to act like a toddler.

[Dad]

Originally Posted by so cal lurker

OK, who on here takes it well when a coach says "I'm ref and . . ." ?!?! And take that coach more seriously after he says it?!?! Anyone? Anyone?

If you think, immediately after the head coach was tossed, the asst coach was trying to be helpful, I have some great ocean front property in North Dakota that I can give you a great deal on . . .

And I don't think our OP really "kicked a rule," so much as he was sloppy in how he talked to the coach. As I read the scenario, he was just trying to tell the coach the conversation was over, and did it poorly. The coach used it as an excuse to act like a toddler.

Oh, I take it great. Rarely do I ever get a comment which gives my the green light to say whatever is on my mind.

[tankmjg24]

To answer a few questions, I am not sure what rule set we were technically playing by. The rules sheet on site did not specify, so we treated it like NFHS. The gym we were playing at was a college rec gym that did not have coaching boxes marked. The coach was for sure out of the box if there was one there, and I was trying to tell him to back off so I did not have to give the technical. Maybe I should have worded it differently, but he was pushing the max and was also screaming at me with an opposing player between us. I am not going to have a coach tell me what I cannot and can do, and for sure am not going to be told how horrible I am. The assistant was not trying to be helpful. You had to have been there to have a feel for the situation.

Originally Posted by tankmjg24

To answer a few questions, I am not sure what rule set we were technically playing by. The rules sheet on site did not specify, so we treated it like NFHS. The gym we were playing at was a college rec gym that did not have coaching boxes marked. The coach was for sure out of the box if there was one there, and I was trying to tell him to back off so I did not have to give the technical. Maybe I should have worded it differently, but he was pushing the max and was also screaming at me with an opposing player between us. I am not going to have a coach tell me what I cannot and can do, and for sure am not going to be told how horrible I am. The assistant was not trying to be helpful. You had to have been there to have a feel for the situation.

Sounds like you had way more reason to whack him than by enforcing the nonexistent coaching box. Personal, public, profane, or prolonged.

[deecee]

Originally Posted by tankmjg24

To answer a few questions, I am not sure what rule set we were technically playing by. The rules sheet on site did not specify, so we treated it like NFHS. The gym we were playing at was a college rec gym that did not have coaching boxes marked. The coach was for sure out of the box if there was one there, and I was trying to tell him to back off so I did not have to give the technical. Maybe I should have worded it differently, but he was pushing the max and was also screaming at me with an opposing player between us. I am not going to have a coach tell me what I cannot and can do, and for sure am not going to be told how horrible I am. The assistant was not trying to be helpful. You had to have been there to have a feel for the situation.

When the coach is teetering on a T I usually just say "I've heard enough" or "lets move on" - I have even used once or twice with coaches "another word on this and it's costing you 2 FT's" which is pretty direct. I try not to treat them like kids, even though they act like it often.

[Rich]

Originally Posted by tankmjg24

To answer a few questions, I am not sure what rule set we were technically playing by. The rules sheet on site did not specify, so we treated it like NFHS. The gym we were playing at was a college rec gym that did not have coaching boxes marked. The coach was for sure out of the box if there was one there, and I was trying to tell him to back off so I did not have to give the technical. Maybe I should have worded it differently, but he was pushing the max and was also screaming at me with an opposing player between us. I am not going to have a coach tell me what I cannot and can do, and for sure am not going to be told how horrible I am. The assistant was not trying to be helpful. You had to have been there to have a feel for the situation.

'was also screaming at me with an opposing player between us"

So, there's the problem, really.

"Knock it off." "That's enough."

Then whack him. No reason to not whack him there.

If I had a person say, "I'm a referee..." I'd stop him and ask why he isn't keeping the HC in check.

[Dad]

Originally Posted by tankmjg24

To answer a few questions, I am not sure what rule set we were technically playing by. The rules sheet on site did not specify, so we treated it like NFHS. The gym we were playing at was a college rec gym that did not have coaching boxes marked. The coach was for sure out of the box if there was one there, and I was trying to tell him to back off so I did not have to give the technical. Maybe I should have worded it differently, but he was pushing the max and was also screaming at me with an opposing player between us. I am not going to have a coach tell me what I cannot and can do, and for sure am not going to be told how horrible I am. The assistant was not trying to be helpful. You had to have been there to have a feel for the situation.

"You're horrible" = Wack. I'm never giving any sort of warning whatsoever for this behavior.

"screaming" at me = Most likely - Wack.

When a coach starts telling me what I can and can't do they've probably entered the realm of being a shitty coach. They don't get my attention anymore. To be fair, most coaches are pretty bad. Even at a high level I'm dumbfounded, often.

[so cal lurker]

Originally Posted by Dad

Oh, I take it great. Rarely do I ever get a comment which gives my the green light to say whatever is on my mind.

Dammit, there went my coffee all over my keyboard . . .