Has a player ever called you by your first name?

[Dad]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

I work with a lot of narcissistic a-holes then. The whole South must be full of them.

Coaches and players have never had a problem addressing me without knowing either my first or last name. I think a lot of officials have an exaggerated sense of how memorable they are to the players and coaches. I ran into a player at the barber shop the other day, a player I have ref'd frequently through his HS career. It wasn't "Hey Mr. Ref", it was "don't ref basketball?". These folks forget us as soon as we leave the gym. Whether or not they know my name is of little consequence to them, me, or my career.

Point taken. It's not that I care if you introduce yourself as Mr. BNR. It's more I'm boggled by people who's self-worth crumbles because a "child" who apparently isn't their "equal" calls them by their first name.

I think a lot of people, officials included, have an exaggerated sense of self. Which is most likely the problem in the OP. I'm not sure how being memorable is a bad thing when being memorable gives you a better chance at playoff games.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by Dad

Point taken. It's not that I care if you introduce yourself as Mr. BNR. It's more I'm boggled by people who's self-worth crumbles because a "child" who apparently isn't their "equal" calls them by their first name.

I think a lot of people, officials included, have an exaggerated sense of self. Which is most likely the problem in the OP. I'm not sure how being memorable is a bad thing when being memorable gives you a better chance at playoff games.

Coaches and players have nothing to do with HS play-off assignments here in VA, so being memorable to them is of no consequence.

[Dad]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

Coaches and players have nothing to do with HS play-off assignments here in VA, so being memorable to them is of no consequence.

Coaches matter here. Players don't.

[SD Referee]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

If they even know my first name, I do not respond by my first name to children or in this profession. I do not call them by their first name, so do not call me by mine. It is a respect thing for me. We are not equals.

Peace

Wow!!!!!!

So are you saying that you don't respond to any children that call you by your first name or your own children?

[SD Referee]

Originally Posted by rockyroad

Yes, they do.

Yes, you are correct. Some kids do and some coaches allow it.

If somebody calls me by my first name, I couldn't care less. I'm not too big time to be offended by it nor do I think I'm better than anybody.

[SD Referee]

Originally Posted by Dad

Point taken. It's not that I care if you introduce yourself as Mr. BNR. It's more I'm boggled by people who's self-worth crumbles because a "child" who apparently isn't their "equal" calls them by their first name.

I think a lot of people, officials included, have an exaggerated sense of self. Which is most likely the problem in the OP. I'm not sure how being memorable is a bad thing when being memorable gives you a better chance at playoff games.

Perfectly said!!!!!!!!!

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by SD Referee

Perfectly said!!!!!!!!!

My kids know better than to address an adult by their first name, unless they put Mr. or Miss in front of it. My 41 year-old wife addresses elders in the same manner.

It just the way some people were raised, and continue to be raised. There is nothing wrong with it. I have never heard a HS or college player address their coach by first name, it always "Coach", or "Coach So-n-so".

And it is definitely not acceptable around here for students to address teachers by their first names. A young man who graduated with my older son is now a substitute teacher at my younger son's school. My son wanted to show off one day when I was there and said "Hey FirstName" when the man happened to walk into the office. I made it perfectly clear that when they are on school grounds he will be addressed as "Mr. Evans".

[rockyroad]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

My kids know better than to address an adult by their first name, unless they put Mr. or Miss in front of it. My 41 year-old wife addresses elders in the same manner.

It just the way some people were raised, and continue to be raised. There is nothing wrong with it.

Did I miss a post where someone said there was something wrong with calling people Mr. or Mrs. or Miss???

It is admirable that you raised your kids that way. For the record, I did, too. But that has diddly squat to do with the original post in this thread.

Simple Question: If/when a player addresses you as "Hey, Bad" (since I have no idea what your first name is), how do/will you respond?

[Dad]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

My kids know better than to address an adult by their first name, unless they put Mr. or Miss in front of it. My 41 year-old wife addresses elders in the same manner.

It just the way some people were raised, and continue to be raised. There is nothing wrong with it.

Petty. True respect isn't in a name.

Go to a school these days, many of the teachers now having kids calling them by their first name. Guess which teachers have obviously more respect from their classroom?

While once upon a time, it was a social thing to address people by their last names. Heck, friends did it to each other all the time. It's been antiquated. Now, often, older people are just pegged as being on a power trip. It has very little with people showing others' respect, nowadays.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by rockyroad

Did I miss a post where someone said there was something wrong with calling people Mr. or Mrs. or Miss???

It is admirable that you raised your kids that way. For the record, I did, too. But that has diddly squat to do with the original post in this thread.

Simple Question: If/when a player addresses you as "Hey, Bad" (since I have no idea what your first name is), how do/will you respond?

I saw the posts where people who introduce themselves as Mr. or Miss are considered to be A-holes and narcissistic, so my response is in that context.

When I say no player knows my first name, I'm dead serious. I am not part of any of the local sports circles, my only connection is that I officiate basketball. I don't have any close friends who have kids who play in my leagues. I'm a military brat and spent 22 years in the military myself. It is very easy to for me to be disconnected.

If a player addressed me by first name I probably would not even realize he was speaking to me, I would just assume he was calling out to a teammate. But it has never happened, and the Asperger's in me doesn't allow me to worry about hypotheticals.

BTW, just got a tornado warning, have to evacuate to a secure room.

[Rich]

I should've listened to my first instinct on this thread.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by Dad

Petty. True respect isn't in a name.

Go to a school these days, many of the teachers now having kids calling them by their first name. Guess which teachers have obviously more respect from their classroom?

While once upon a time, it was a social thing to address people by their last names. Heck, friends did it to each other all the time. It's been antiquated. Now, often, older people are just pegged as being on a power trip. It has very little with people showing others' respect, nowadays.

Are you trying to tell me what's going on in the schools that I'm inside of every year? Are you that arrogant to tell me what's going on where I live?

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[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by SD Referee

Wow!!!!!!

So are you saying that you don't respond to any children that call you by your first name or your own children?

I do not respond to people that I feel are being disrespectful. I come from an age and honestly a culture where that is not OK. If that bothers you, that is not my problem. And we are not even talking about a situation that is a social setting where there might be modifications to that. I work in my business and I call people by their last name unless they are very specifically giving me permission to call them by their first name. If they are of a certain age that still is hard for me to do because that is what I taught to show respect.

Peace

[Raymond]

I also have 2 supervisors whom I always address as Mr. I could work the Final Four and that wouldn't change for these 2 individuals.

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[VaTerp]

If we are going to say that adults who have teenagers and minors address them by their last names are a-holes, self absorbed, and/or narcissists whose self worth crumbles when children address them by their first name then I'm going to say that adults who allow teenagers and minors to call them by their first name are immature, low self-esteem, losers who crave the attention and the social acceptance of children.

Ignorant generalizations can cut both ways.

Personally, I do not allow players or other children to call me just by my first name. But It's not a big deal really. And the only time I really think about it is when its brought up on this forum.

My view was shaped by the way I was raised, and probably more significantly, its what I prefer based on my experiences that include coaching HS basketball, running youth sports leagues and other recreation programs, and being a HS classroom teacher in my early, mid, and late 20s. At the time it made me feel old to be called Coach or Mr. "my last name" so I was usually called Mr. "last initial." When I coached I was in my early 20s and I think some of the players may have referred to me as Coach "first name and one of my 7 year daughter's friends refers to me now as Mr. "first name."

In the grand scheme of things I don't give this much thought but my personal opinion is that kids are not my peers and there are some boundaries, expectations, and structures that adults should have in their interactions with kids, which includes how we are addressed. That's for me and my kids. If others have varying opinions that's all well and good and I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

We do are captain's and coaches meetings separately here in VA. I hear some partners introduce themselves by their first names and some as Mr. so and so. Me, I don't say my name at all. I don't see the need.

Again, at the end of the day this is a personal choice that is not all that important to me. But some of the generalizations that are always made when this topic comes up here are just silly.