The magic three-word defuser

[Ump153]

Originally Posted by aceholleran

Actually, I got this one from a restaurateur friend in dealing with complaining help or customers.

I have used it several times, with a great success ratio.

It is especially useful when the combatant goes on a tirade, trying to establish his veracity as opposed to insulting you. It's tailor-made for sitches where you don't want to run anyone, you just want the rat to shut his pie-hole and return to bench or position.

Examples:
"I know the book rule [you can really follow this with anything]: The runner gets the base he's going to plus one."

"That's a foul tip. It can't be strike three."

"You've been calling that pitch a ball the whole game."

"My guy's standing on the base. He can't be called out!"

"You can't bunt with two strikes."

and so on, ad nauseam.

Just wait a beat, maybe scratch your chin, and say, very calmly and lazily:

"Is that right?"

Try it; you'll like it.


Aceready2retireinCT

I took a couple of Advanced A League umpires out for drinks a little while back. They told me they use an even more economical one word defuser that they stole from a bit on SNL's Weekend Update. Their's is simply

"REALLY?!"

[SanDiegoSteve]

Originally Posted by Ump153

I took a couple of Advanced A League umpires out for drinks a little while back. They told me they use an even more economical one word defuser that they stole from a bit on SNL's Weekend Update. Their's is simply

"REALLY?!"

I'm stealing this one! It's my new word, to go with the totally incredulous look they will receive as a bonus for playing.

[jwwashburn]

Varsity HS game
Zero outs
Bases Loaded.

The ball was hit and spun back and land on home plate. The catcher grabbed it, I pointed, the catcher touched home and tagged the batter who had not run-double play.

The Offensive Coach came out and said: "It was laying on top of home plate when he grabbed it."
Me: "Yes, that's right."
OC: "But, it was ON THE PLATE!"
Me: Yes, that's right.
Dad from the stands: HOME PLATE IS IN FAIR TERRITORY, LARRY!
Me: Play Ball.

[yo...blue...]

[QUOTE=jwwashburn;614162]Varsity HS game
Zero outs
Bases Loaded.

The ball was hit and spun back and land on home plate. I pointed, the catcher grabbed it, touched home and tagged the batter who had not run-double play.

QUOTE]

You pointed it fair...and then the catcher grabbed it? I think your timing might be a bit fast.

Unless of course the ball actually came to settle on the plate. Which I might find a little hard to believe.

[jwwashburn]

[QUOTE=yo...blue...;614172]

Originally Posted by jwwashburn

Varsity HS game
Zero outs
Bases Loaded.

The ball was hit and spun back and land on home plate. I pointed, the catcher grabbed it, touched home and tagged the batter who had not run-double play.

QUOTE]

You pointed it fair...and then the catcher grabbed it? I think your timing might be a bit fast.

Unless of course the ball actually came to settle on the plate. Which I might find a little hard to believe.

Thank you kind wiseass. I did type that incorrectly. However, I called it correctly.

[Kevin Finnerty]

Round goes to Washburn.

[fine retort]

[SanDiegoSteve]

[QUOTE=jwwashburn;614175]

Originally Posted by yo...blue...

Thank you kind wiseass. I did type that incorrectly. However, I called it correctly.

Originally Posted by Kevin Finnerty

Round goes to Washburn.

[fine retort]

Except for the "kind" and the "wise" parts.

[Kevin Finnerty]

And I can't stand it when you share a story about a really cool play and someone either:

A) Has a more-complex-version-of-that-play story

OR

B) Says something like, "Unless of course [whatever] actually [happened]," followed by something like, "Which I might find a little hard to believe."

[yo...blue...]

Originally Posted by Kevin Finnerty

Round goes to Washburn.

[fine retort]

That's fine, however, when the coach comes out and says, "why is that ball fair?", don't say, "I pointed it fair, and then the catcher grabbed it."

It's not just our job to get it right, we should also say it right. This is how ejections start.

[SanDiegoSteve]

Originally Posted by yo...blue...

Unless of course the ball actually came to settle on the plate. Which I might find a little hard to believe.

Umpired much? I've had plenty-o-balls that settled to a complete stop right on top of home plate before the catcher had a chance to field them. It's not all that uncommon. Sheesh, make a Federal out of it!

[yo...blue...]

Originally Posted by SanDiegoSteve

Umpired much? I've had plenty-o-balls that settled to a complete stop right on top of home plate before the catcher had a chance to field them. It's not all that uncommon. Sheesh, make a Federal out of it!

I've umpired 1,000's of games. From LL to Professional (Indy). Many guys on this forum know who I am, but it might take some time for them to figure it out.

I've never seen a baseball completely settle on top of the plate. I guess my catchers are just smarter than your's in my neck-o-the-woods.

Or maybe my plates are sloped...rolling towards the infield perhaps.

Washburn wrote something incorrectly in his post, and I called him on it. My apologies if you find my sarcasm offensive. I didn't think umpires could have their feelings hurt so easily.

If I was in attack mode I would say something about the guy that ejected a batter for not getting in the box. There are prescribed penalties for that. Prescribe that penalty once or twice and he could have gotten mgr and player. That would have been more fun.

Have Fun with this one...

[SanDiegoSteve]

Originally Posted by yo...blue...

I've umpired 1,000's of games. From LL to Professional (Indy). Many guys on this forum know who I am, but it might take some time for them to figure it out.

So...what am I, some rook? 3,400 enough for you? I think I've been around enough to have seen some balls hit in the dirt and settle on the plate. Especially here where there is so much loose dirt/sand/silt around the plate at some parks, where the ball hits the ground and stops.

Originally Posted by yo...blue...

I've never seen a baseball completely settle on top of the plate. I guess my catchers are just smarter than your's in my neck-o-the-woods.

Yeah, smarter than where the majority of major league ball players come from.

Originally Posted by yo...blue...

Or maybe my plates are sloped...rolling towards the infield perhaps.

Our plates are level.

Originally Posted by yo...blue...

Washburn wrote something incorrectly in his post, and I called him on it. My apologies if you find my sarcasm offensive. I didn't think umpires could have their feelings hurt so easily.

I am a master of sarcasm myself, but you weren't being sarcastic. Perhaps you should mix in a dictionary.

And it wasn't our feelings that were hurt, it was just that it seemed so ridiculous to nitpick about his wording in his own story. He didn't post the story for a grammar lesson. That, and pointing out spelling errors are two very bad things to do on a forum.

[jwwashburn]

Originally Posted by yo...blue...

I've umpired 1,000's of games. From LL to Professional (Indy). Many guys on this forum know who I am, but it might take some time for them to figure it out.

I've never seen a baseball completely settle on top of the plate. I guess my catchers are just smarter than your's in my neck-o-the-woods.

Or maybe my plates are sloped...rolling towards the infield perhaps.

Washburn wrote something incorrectly in his post, and I called him on it. My apologies if you find my sarcasm offensive. I didn't think umpires could have their feelings hurt so easily.

If I was in attack mode I would say something about the guy that ejected a batter for not getting in the box. There are prescribed penalties for that. Prescribe that penalty once or twice and he could have gotten mgr and player. That would have been more fun.

Have Fun with this one...

My feelings were not hurt. I am a neat guy and you are a wiseass. Why would my feelings be hurt?

[Ump153]

Originally Posted by yo...blue...

I've umpired 1,000's of games. From LL to Professional (Indy). Many guys on this forum know who I am, but it might take some time for them to figure it out.

Uh-huh. Sure wish I had dollar for every wannabe that claimed professional experience.

We may not know who you are, but pretty much everyone knows what you are.

[Kevin Finnerty]

Originally Posted by yo...blue...

My apologies if you find my sarcasm offensive. I didn't think umpires could have their feelings hurt so easily.

If I was in attack mode ...

Wow! You're placing a little too much importance on yourself.

Feeling hurt???

You must be kidding.