The magic three-word defuser
 

Actually, I got this one from a restaurateur friend in dealing with complaining help or customers.

I have used it several times, with a great success ratio.

It is especially useful when the combatant goes on a tirade, trying to establish his veracity as opposed to insulting you. It's tailor-made for sitches where you don't want to run anyone, you just want the rat to shut his pie-hole and return to bench or position.

Examples:
"I know the book rule [you can really follow this with anything]: The runner gets the base he's going to plus one."

"That's a foul tip. It can't be strike three."

"You've been calling that pitch a ball the whole game."

"My guy's standing on the base. He can't be called out!"

"You can't bunt with two strikes."

and so on, ad nauseam.

Just wait a beat, maybe scratch your chin, and say, very calmly and lazily:






"Is that right?"




Try it; you'll like it.


Aceready2retireinCT

My magic 3 words are "You're all done!"
:D:D:D

I took a couple of Advanced A League umpires out for drinks a little while back. They told me they use an even more economical one word defuser that they stole from a bit on SNL's Weekend Update. Their's is simply

"REALLY?!"

I'm stealing this one! It's my new word, to go with the totally incredulous look they will receive as a bonus for playing.:cool:

Varsity HS game
Zero outs
Bases Loaded.

The ball was hit and spun back and land on home plate. The catcher grabbed it, I pointed, the catcher touched home and tagged the batter who had not run-double play.

The Offensive Coach came out and said: "It was laying on top of home plate when he grabbed it."
Me: "Yes, that's right."
OC: "But, it was ON THE PLATE!"
Me: Yes, that's right.
Dad from the stands: HOME PLATE IS IN FAIR TERRITORY, LARRY!
Me: Play Ball.

[QUOTE=jwwashburn;614162]Varsity HS game
Zero outs
Bases Loaded.

The ball was hit and spun back and land on home plate. I pointed, the catcher grabbed it, touched home and tagged the batter who had not run-double play.

QUOTE]

You pointed it fair...and then the catcher grabbed it? I think your timing might be a bit fast.

Unless of course the ball actually came to settle on the plate. Which I might find a little hard to believe.

[QUOTE=yo...blue...;614172]Thank you kind wiseass. I did type that incorrectly. However, I called it correctly.

Round goes to Washburn.

[fine retort]

[QUOTE=jwwashburn;614175]Except for the "kind" and the "wise" parts.:p

And I can't stand it when you share a story about a really cool play and someone either:

A) Has a more-complex-version-of-that-play story

OR

B) Says something like, "Unless of course [whatever] actually [happened]," followed by something like, "Which I might find a little hard to believe."

Agreed.

When I've heard similar comments in the past I've replied, "Yes! I saw that too."

That is also a fine retort.

I wish I could have a hidden camera on some of these guys when they later re-read ... err ... discover the rule, and realize we are right and they're wrong.

I like it and I agree with SSD, I am stealing this one!

I like the "Really?" also.