The magic three-word defuser

[aceholleran]

Actually, I got this one from a restaurateur friend in dealing with complaining help or customers.

I have used it several times, with a great success ratio.

It is especially useful when the combatant goes on a tirade, trying to establish his veracity as opposed to insulting you. It's tailor-made for sitches where you don't want to run anyone, you just want the rat to shut his pie-hole and return to bench or position.

Examples:
"I know the book rule [you can really follow this with anything]: The runner gets the base he's going to plus one."

"That's a foul tip. It can't be strike three."

"You've been calling that pitch a ball the whole game."

"My guy's standing on the base. He can't be called out!"

"You can't bunt with two strikes."

and so on, ad nauseam.

Just wait a beat, maybe scratch your chin, and say, very calmly and lazily:






"Is that right?"




Try it; you'll like it.


Aceready2retireinCT

[ozzy6900]

My magic 3 words are "You're all done!"

[MichaelVA2000]

Originally Posted by ozzy6900

My magic 3 words are "You're all done!"

Three more: Knock it off!

[TussAgee11]

I sprinkled in a new one today to get a pitcher to stop complaining about balls/strikes/ and a non called IFF because there was no ordinary effort.

QUIT WHINING, ITS ANNOYING

Perfect for the type of game that was going on, a 3 hour marathon with below .500 teams. 11 run game. 1 team had just 9 players, 4 of them call-ups. 3 players told me during the game they just wanted to go home to watch the all-star game.

After my comment, the short stop and second baseman were laughing pretty good, and the pitcher zipped it up.

Wouldn't try it in a more competitive game though...

[SanDiegoSteve]

Originally Posted by TussAgee11

Wouldn't try it in a more competitive game though...

...it wouldn't have been necessary.

[briancurtin]

Originally Posted by TussAgee11

QUIT WHINING, ITS ANNOYING

Just cut that down to "quit it".

[njdevs00cup]

I use this line often when I work games on the regulation diamond myself. Coaches will often say, "Blue you got to get a better angle or you got see that!" My reply, "I Know"

[radwaste50]

Originally Posted by TussAgee11

QUIT WHINING, ITS ANNOYING

I don't speak Whinese

Have used this for the kids for years only once in baseball in a game similar to Tuss'

[Ump153]

Originally Posted by aceholleran

Actually, I got this one from a restaurateur friend in dealing with complaining help or customers.

I have used it several times, with a great success ratio.

It is especially useful when the combatant goes on a tirade, trying to establish his veracity as opposed to insulting you. It's tailor-made for sitches where you don't want to run anyone, you just want the rat to shut his pie-hole and return to bench or position.

Examples:
"I know the book rule [you can really follow this with anything]: The runner gets the base he's going to plus one."

"That's a foul tip. It can't be strike three."

"You've been calling that pitch a ball the whole game."

"My guy's standing on the base. He can't be called out!"

"You can't bunt with two strikes."

and so on, ad nauseam.

Just wait a beat, maybe scratch your chin, and say, very calmly and lazily:

"Is that right?"

Try it; you'll like it.


Aceready2retireinCT

I took a couple of Advanced A League umpires out for drinks a little while back. They told me they use an even more economical one word defuser that they stole from a bit on SNL's Weekend Update. Their's is simply

"REALLY?!"

[SanDiegoSteve]

Originally Posted by Ump153

I took a couple of Advanced A League umpires out for drinks a little while back. They told me they use an even more economical one word defuser that they stole from a bit on SNL's Weekend Update. Their's is simply

"REALLY?!"

I'm stealing this one! It's my new word, to go with the totally incredulous look they will receive as a bonus for playing.

[jwwashburn]

Varsity HS game
Zero outs
Bases Loaded.

The ball was hit and spun back and land on home plate. The catcher grabbed it, I pointed, the catcher touched home and tagged the batter who had not run-double play.

The Offensive Coach came out and said: "It was laying on top of home plate when he grabbed it."
Me: "Yes, that's right."
OC: "But, it was ON THE PLATE!"
Me: Yes, that's right.
Dad from the stands: HOME PLATE IS IN FAIR TERRITORY, LARRY!
Me: Play Ball.

[yo...blue...]

[QUOTE=jwwashburn;614162]Varsity HS game
Zero outs
Bases Loaded.

The ball was hit and spun back and land on home plate. I pointed, the catcher grabbed it, touched home and tagged the batter who had not run-double play.

QUOTE]

You pointed it fair...and then the catcher grabbed it? I think your timing might be a bit fast.

Unless of course the ball actually came to settle on the plate. Which I might find a little hard to believe.

[jwwashburn]

[QUOTE=yo...blue...;614172]

Originally Posted by jwwashburn

Varsity HS game
Zero outs
Bases Loaded.

The ball was hit and spun back and land on home plate. I pointed, the catcher grabbed it, touched home and tagged the batter who had not run-double play.

QUOTE]

You pointed it fair...and then the catcher grabbed it? I think your timing might be a bit fast.

Unless of course the ball actually came to settle on the plate. Which I might find a little hard to believe.

Thank you kind wiseass. I did type that incorrectly. However, I called it correctly.

[SanDiegoSteve]

Originally Posted by yo...blue...

Unless of course the ball actually came to settle on the plate. Which I might find a little hard to believe.

Umpired much? I've had plenty-o-balls that settled to a complete stop right on top of home plate before the catcher had a chance to field them. It's not all that uncommon. Sheesh, make a Federal out of it!

[njdevs00cup]

[QUOTE=yo...blue...;614172]

Originally Posted by jwwashburn

Varsity HS game
Zero outs
Bases Loaded.

The ball was hit and spun back and land on home plate. I pointed, the catcher grabbed it, touched home and tagged the batter who had not run-double play.

QUOTE]

You pointed it fair...and then the catcher grabbed it? I think your timing might be a bit fast.

Unless of course the ball actually came to settle on the plate. Which I might find a little hard to believe.

I had a 1 - 0 extra inning game end with an intended sacrifice bunt which ended up landing on home plate. The catcher airmailed the throw to attempt to retire the batter and R1 scored the winning run. To my complete shock, the catcher and defensive manager both knew that the ball on the plate was fair.