How do you shake it off?

[Coach12]

Hey Blue,

I've been working with young people for a good while and I still have not found a way to make everybody happy.

Just part of the job.

I have always wondered how the umpires manage to go day after day being seen as the bad guy so often. How do you grow that thick skin?

There are times when I have a hard time dealing with the abuse I get as a coach.

My hats off to ya,
Coach12

[officialtony]

I figure my reponsibility is to the people who pay me. Because they pay me they have a right to evaluate and judge my effort. They also have a right to verbalize that evaluation of my effort. I am not responsible to anybody else and thus, I don't worry about what they think, ie. coaches, parents, players, plain old fans. Because they are not part of the process, I don't allow them to become part of a problem.
You on the other hand, have taken on the responsibilty of coaching, nurturing, teaching, and playing a number of " athletes " in an athletic contest. As a result of that, you are held accountable by parents, grandparents, friends, other relatives, and - most importantly - the players themselves.

[whiskers_ump]

In truth, coaches probably get more grive than umpires. (I know some of you won"t
agree with this statement, umpires that is.)You, the coach have to please not only
your players, but the parents of these players. That in itself is usually a major
task. Like umpires, coaches make mistakes. Start the wrong pitcher, pinch hit at
the wrong time, don't attempt to sacrifice when situtation dictates, and many other things.
Grow a thick skin coach, and just do the things you think will work best. No one promised
any of us life would be easy or fair.

Good Luck.

[Blu_IN]

Originally posted by Coach12
Hey Blue,

I've been working with young people for a good while and I still have not found a way to make everybody happy.

Just part of the job.

I have always wondered how the umpires manage to go day after day being seen as the bad guy so often. How do you grow that thick skin?

There are times when I have a hard time dealing with the abuse I get as a coach.

My hats off to ya,
Coach12

First off, good umpires are not seen as the bad guy every game. Once in awhile, you will run into a team that will ride your back during the course of the game, but that simply can't be helped.

You grow thick skin through experience. But even with experience, many umpires never learn to shed their rabbit ears. Those that can't, usually don't last long in this profession.

[JEL]

Originally posted by whiskers_ump
In truth, coaches probably get more grive than umpires. (I know some of you won"t
agree with this statement, umpires that is.)You, the coach have to please not only
your players, but the parents of these players. That in itself is usually a major
task. Like umpires, coaches make mistakes. Start the wrong pitcher, pinch hit at
the wrong time, don't attempt to sacrifice when situtation dictates, and many other things.
Grow a thick skin coach, and just do the things you think will work best. No one promised
any of us life would be easy or fair.

Good Luck.

Been on both sides of the coin, whiskers, and I will be the first to agree with you there.

officialtony also makes a very good point, that is the critique of the fans, players, and coaches is not something of concern to the umpire. Those mentioned can in no way judge an umpires performance in an un-biased fashion. It is very nice to hear good comments from them after a tough game, as well as appreciated.

In the long run, I want MYSELF to say to MYSELF; You did a good job!

I am my own worst critic, or best critic as the case may be. I have yet to have a "perfect" game. Many have been close, but there is always something I should have done just a bit better.

My performance is judged based on me alone, (a partner's work can influence that also). A coach's performance is based usually on the final outcome and play of others!

Coach, It is never easy dealing with the abuse you get as a coach, or umpire. You just have to keep focused on the fact that you are making a difference, building character, doing something good. Those who are the "abusers" are the ones with the problem! The complainers and hecklers are always the minority of the whole. Remember that you are probably respected and held in esteem by 90% or better of your players, parents, and fans. Also the 10% would never attempt to take on the job you do.

Thanks also for coaching, cause without you we wouldn't have any games to call!

[Antonella]

First of all: none of us IMO has the REAL thick skin.
Second: when I hear people yellin' vs an umpire/coach they're normally sitting on the stands, doin' nothing but that (criticize).
Here in my town we have a said: 'when you do nothing, you can't be wrong'.
Coaches and umpires (and players and officials and...) are the ones who take care of SOFTBALL.
Let the rest of the world behind you with this awareness.

Ciao!

A.

[mick]

Originally posted by Coach12
I have always wondered how the umpires manage to go day after day being seen as the bad guy so often. How do you grow that thick skin?

Coach12,
Is it thick skin, or confidence?

I think confidence plays a big role in going onto the field.
I figger I get hollered at for one of two reasons.[*] 1. I made the sheets brown.[*] 2. The complainer is ignorant.

For #1, I fix it and deserved the pain.
For #2, I gave up dealing with ignorant people a long time ago. No one can deal with ignorance. Not a problem.

One thing, I have noted over my years of observing shouting matches, is that the louder an umpire yells, the more defensive and the more unsure that umpire is.

mick

[Dakota]

Originally posted by JEL
I am my own worst critic, or best critic as the case may be.

Boy, if that isn't the truth (for me). The coach yelling about the bang-bang play where I saw the runner clearly slide under the tag (and he wanted the out) rolls off the back pretty easily. But, I'm still bummed about my game last night. My calling of the strike zone stunk out the place. I didn't get a single complaint, but I was not happy. Just one of those games, but, still, my self-criticism stays around a lot longer than the coach's, fan's, or player's.

[coachsara]

I've been on both sides of the coin too. Let me be the first to say though, coaching has definitely been a much easier "job" than being an umpire. When it comes to coaching everyone who knows me knows it is something I'm most passionate about. I have no children (which makes me unbiased of players) of my own yet but all I want is to see kids learn a few lessons on and off the field. I
Being an umpire however, and moreover being a FEMALE umpire, I catch grief each time I walk onto the field. I played on a nationally ranked team when I was a youth and I take great pride in doing my best when I step onto the field as an official. I know the rules, I hustle, I always am in good position to see each of my calls.
I have no doubt in my mind that I would not catch 1/2 of the grief I do if I was a man.
I considered myself thick skinned before I began umpiring. Sometimes the insults get through but most of the time they slide right off.
As for being a coach and taking the flak...you just need to remind folks that you're in control. Sometimes you have to be a hardass rather than trying to please everyone. That won't happen-ever.

As long as you can go to bed at night feeling that you're doing what's best for the kids and not lose sight of that then you should be fine.

[tcannizzo]

Believe me, negative feedback is much worse for a coach than an umpire. Sure, a coach can cut a player - or whatever. But then you have to recruit to fill the spot, and then train them to catch up with the team - it usually isn't worth it, so you stick it out until the end of the season or until there is a nuke.

Don't get me wrong, I love coaching as well as umpiring, but with umpiring there are no strings attached.

[Blu_IN]

Originally posted by coachsara
Being an umpire however, and moreover being a FEMALE umpire, I catch grief each time I walk onto the field. I played on a nationally ranked team when I was a youth and I take great pride in doing my best when I step onto the field as an official. I know the rules, I hustle, I always am in good position to see each of my calls.
I have no doubt in my mind that I would not catch 1/2 of the grief I do if I was a man.
I

I met my wife on the umpire circuit many years ago. She no longer umpires but that statement is 100% correct. I would watch her work a game if I was not on a game myself and my blood would absolutely boil listening to the crap she had to put up with. She was a good ump and was definately not deserving of the comments she received.

I also see this of the younger female umpires that work in the same association as I do. We are blessed to have many quality umpires in my association and many whom are female. However, coaches (both female and male coaches) feel as if they can do crap to female umpires. Every time I see this, I get so infuriated I want to go hit a wall to vent some steam. I can't stand watching coaches take advantage of umpires because they feel they won't put them in their place.

And when I finally get these problem coaches on my field, they don't say a damn word to me. I walk up to the field to begin the game, see the coach, and decide it is finally time for him to be put in his place. Alas, they must figure out when I walk on the field that I am not one to try that crap on. And that might be the most frustrating thing of all.

[coachsara]

I just wish it wasn't that way though. I have another umpire that I am usually partnered with when we go to tournaments. This umpire is also female. We're both young (I'm 28, she's 23) and I know that doesn't help matters. I've been umpiring for a few years but she's new. However, I have complete confidence in her. She always hustles and I'm not sure anyone knows the rules better than her. We call league games together as well. One coach complained to the park commissioner that "these young girls should not be on a field together". The commissioner replied to him that when he looks at us as umpires he doesn't see young. He sees two women that grew up playing competitive softball and who are skilled in what they do.

We've been called everything in the book this year-including racist F#@king bi$%ches. (that got the 14-under coach a forfeit of his game he was winning)

I worry more about going to a tournament, working with someone new, and him thinking oh crap, its a woman and I'm going to have to take up for her. I don't want my partner to have that mentality.

Its been such a learning experience and I know I will continually be challenged. I wish I didn't have that added stress when I walk onto a field but I do. I think I'm learning that my breaking point needs to come a lot sooner than what I've let it in the past.

[noobie]

Originally posted by JEL
I'm still bummed about my game last night. My calling of the strike zone stunk out the place. I didn't get a single complaint, but I was not happy. Just one of those games, but, still, my self-criticism stays around a lot longer than the coach's, fan's, or player's.

I had one of those zone nights last night. Coulda kicked myself, but I guess the players know this is SP.

Just to make things worse, I had a brain stoppage during a late inning play in a tight game ... completely made the wrong call ... everybody else on the field knew it except me. Fortunately, somebody mentioned the right keyword that brought the play back to my brain during the ensuing argument ... I was able to reverse myself and make the right call. Working this one-ump system, I'll take any help I can get sometimes (not that I should need any). I guess I can stop kicking myself now: learn from it and go on.

Some nights, I just think I should stay home. Or maybe leave my incredibly high standards home? But today's another day: I'm taking myself down to that field and call another couple tonight. Wonder if my standards are gonna make the trip with me (of course they are! ).

coachsara: God bless ya. Hang in there. I can't stand bigots of any kind. Keep going ... p**s 'em off with your professionalism, and you win Give in to 'em, and you lose. I think you're a winner in a game you shouldn't have to play.

[baldgriff]

Words of wisdom from a guy I used to work with:

You are only as good as your next call.....

[chiquita]

Great Thread!
I am also a female umpire. I played competitive softball for 20 years, including 6 years on the All Marine Corps Team. I have umped for 10 years, but I still probably blow a call once a night. But I learn from it, and move on to the next game. I agree that the men are much harder on female umps. After being in the Marine Corps you learn to let things roll off, and I am thankful for that. So I ignore 99% of the whining and complaining. Sometimes it's hard to keep from laughing when you hear someone yelling about a rule, and they are completly wrong. I try really hard not to smile at people that are really stupid.
BUT, I will not allow profanity directed at or about me and I will not allow a player to walk up on me in an aggressive manner. Last night I had a player in the dugout say "that F#$%ing B*&%^ needs to get some glasses!" He got the boot. The manager also a player, ran out to the plate, and screamed "you can't F&*#ing penalize a player for what they say in the dugout!", and slammed his scorebook on the ground. He was also sent home early, which dropped the team to eight, so the game was forfeited.

Also, one of leagues sells beer. The teams are not allowed to drink during the game, but they ARE allowed to drink before. Most of my irrate players are during the later games and they are buzzed up. I have informed the athletic director, but ofcourse making the money from beer sells is more important......