Funniest things you've ever heard

[Sleeper]

8th grade game, flag a kid for blocking in the back on a TD run. Coach is chewing on him from the sideline. Kid has enough, steps out of the huddle and says to the coach,"There was no way I could have hit him in the back, coach, I was holding him.

[don16954]

Two weeks ago we had an overtime game. It was third and goal from the 6. Offense ran a crossing pattern and defense held prior to the pass. Our back judge threw the flag. He initially signalled interference, but then caught himself and stated that it was prior to the pass, so the correct call would be holding. The Defensive coach, who was on my side of the field, only saw the initial signal of interference. When our referee signaled defensive holding, and walks off half the distance to the goal and replay third down the defense coach goes crazy and yells,

"You can't change your mind. You called interference. You have to go with his first call" I advised him that holding was in his team's best interest, becuase holding was half the distance replay down, interfernce was half the distance, automatic first down. He replied, "So, he can't change his mind after he signals a calls." He continued to be irrate about our back judge changing the call from defensive intereference to holding, and how that was wrong. Finally, one of his players got him to quiet down because the boy comprehended the advantage before the coach did. His team, though he tried to help the other team by wanting us to give them two more downs with the interference call, held for the 2 plays and won the game 22-16.

[stevegarbs]

The linesman on our crew got off this line a few weeks ago when working with a coach who was a well-known whiner. Finally tiring of his carping, our L simply said, "Please don't help me officiate any more."

Polite, and to the point. Of course, the coach told his spotter on the radio, "He just told me to shut up!"

One note I might add to this thread, although we officials can laugh at some of these quick comebacks, we must recognize it is a very fine line to walk when providing a smart answer to a coach. One of the best adages to remember is "No one can misquote silence."

[cmathews]

while not a funny story I have a question for Don...what is your back judge doing signalling anything???? In our area we are taught to find the R and tell him what we have and he will do the signalling...it kind of keeps these things from happening but it is a funny story

[JMN]

R in a youth game.

The kicker is hammered by the oncoming rush and is down on the field. I toss a flag for roughing and then after the play bring on the medical person.

The K head coach is yelling as he comes onto the field to check on his kid. He continues to tell me how "this shouldn't be allowed, how could I let his kid get hurt, you guys are supposed to protect the kids"

After he's done venting, I remind him that "Coach, I flagged the penalty, but I can't keep him from getting hurt. Football is a violent game"

He just muttered to himself and spat as he walked off the field!

[WVREF]

Probably most old timers have had this one at least once. Punt, right before snap R large scale substitution leaves 12 players on field all participating. Inform R coach of illegal participation 12 men on field. Naturally his question is "What's the number?"

[bluezebra]

HS Varsity game. I'm working umpire, and throw a flag on an "O" interior lineman. Instead of the usual, "I didn't do anything", he looks up at me (he was sitting on the ground), and says, "How the Hell did you see me do that"?

Bob

[bluezebra]

Originally posted by WVREF
Probably most old timers have had this one at least once. Punt, right before snap R large scale substitution leaves 12 players on field all participating. Inform R coach of illegal participation 12 men on field. Naturally his question is "What's the number?"

That's like signalling illegal motion (two backs moving at the snap). Coach: "Which was the second guy"?

Bob

[JugglingReferee]

Here in Canada, the "chuck zone" as I've heard some players call it, no doubt from US influence, is 1 yard. I understand that the NFL rule is 5 yards. Perhaps NC2A and NF are the same.

Anyways, in the OV league that I do, players and some coaches constantly tell me that they're allowed to knock a player for 5y beyond the LS, and I remind them that the rule is in fact 1y. (This is my preventative officiating...)

There is this one coach who has been coaching OV for 3 seasons now, and is an assistant for a University team, and claims that he played University ball. I will never dispute that claim, but him and I had a conversation last year about the chuck zone and he agreed that he understands now that it is 1y. Sure enough this past summer I had his team again, and we had the same discussion. I've heard that he's brought up the same point in the University league too.

I guess it's not a HAHA funny story, but what does humour me is that if this gentleman would take a little more time to recall what he's previously admitting to, and to remember the rule, he would be better off, because then he could (a) coach his kids properly, and (b) focus more on the game.

[bigwhistle]

Coin toss between captains of Furr and Kasmere high school. Kasmere wins the toss and says "defer" when asked for his option. The mensa candidate that was captain for Furr immediately says "That's not right! We're the Furr! They are the Kasmere".

[MD Longhorn]

Conversation between me and a JV coach (with a pretty good team, I might add) last night. The QB had just thrown an overhand backward pass to the WR that went at least 3 yards backward (and about 20 yards laterally). WR didn't catch the ball, and ALL of the players knew immediately it was a fumble and scrambled for it.

Coach: Why didn't you blow that dead?!?!?!
Me: It was a backward pass, sir.
Coach: Right, an incomplete backward pass! It's our ball!
Me: No sir, a dropped backward pass is a live ball.
Coach: Jesus Chr---! How new are you! An incomplete pass is an incomplete pass! Dead ball!
Me: No sir, in laymans terms, an incomplete backward pass is just like a dropped pitch - it's live.
Coach: How can you call it a pitch, the quarterback's arm went over his head! This is absurd!
Me: Coach that's enough. I've got a game to call. Before I flag you, do me a favor and go talk about this play with your varsity coach (I'd seen him on the sideline, not really involved, but watching the game He's a very good coach, one of the few that I know of that REALLY knows the rules). I'm sure he can clear this up for you.

As soon as this happened, I knew I had to relay the conversation to you all in this thread.

Sure enough, about 10 minutes later I get a solid apology from the guy. He looked like he was pretty embarrassed.

[jfurdell]

Public address announcement from a game this weekend, regarding inflatable plastic noisemakers:

"The Cheer-sticks are meant to be hit together! They are not for hitting other people!"

[Patsfan2431]

I got a funny one for you guys. This past weekend i was working FJ and i was in position on the sidelines to drop the bean bag on the PSK. The def coor. from the sidelines came over to me and asked me to watch a player. I agreed. The ball was snapped and the HL called illegal procedure on the offense. The def. coor goes ballistic at me telling me i need to watch the game and help my fellow officials because they obviously dont know what they are doing (mind you, i am 30+ yards down the field away from the play). the following dialogue takes place:

Me: Coach, i'm back here with you, how can i possibly see the procedure call from back here.

Coach: dont try to fool me, i know you didn't see the penalty.

Me: Right Coach, i didn't see it, how could i

Coach: (begins to yell at the other officials) see, see your other official here didn't see the penalty. You guys are cheating us!

Me: Coach calm down, i didn't see the penalty because i cannot see the line of scrimage from way back here, nevermind call a penalty on the line of scrimage.

Coach: Why arn't you watching the play then, are you trying to play some game with me...I'll go N**ger on you on this field

Me: **Looking at him like he has three heads** Ok coach...

I laughed the whole play and it made for a great laugh on the way home with the other guys. I never heard that before and dont know what it means. Looking back, it's technically a threat, but it was too funny to flag.

[Simbio]

I'm a line judge and I'm sure others have had this happen before where there are only 6 men on the line of scrimmage so you have an illegal formation. When you explain to the coach that he only had 6 men on the line, the coach will ask "What number" or "Who was off?"

Last Saturday I was the "R" and we had 6 men on the line of scrimmage on a play. The coach went ballistic on our linesman that called it saying "It's your job and responsibility to make sure he's on the line of scrimmage." I went over to the coach and informed him that it is his (the coaches) responsiblity to make sure his player knows where the line of scrimmage is and asked him to find for me in any rule book where it says it's the officials duty."

[JMN]

two plays this weekend:

1) Youth game. HL calls illegal formation when there are only 6 guys on the line. After repeated attempts to explain why it's an illegal formation, the coach finally with resignation decides one last try to prove us wrong: "OK, if it's an illegal formation, then it's a dead ball foul!" Sorry coach.

2) Working BJ on Friday night. Play out of bounds. Extracurricular activity. Wing flags a late hit. I clean up behind him and escort B7 back to the field who had just got the flag. I said, "B7, play under control, that's a dumb penalty, a late hit out of bounds!". He responded, "Why don't you penalize them?" I said, "I will if they hit your guys out of bounds, but they didn't", He says, "I wasn't doing anything illegal. I was just protecting my guys!"