Funniest things you've ever heard

mikesears · #1 (**permalink**) Tue Sep 30, 2003, 02:34pm

We all know that in the heat of battle, we have a tendancy to speak before we think. Thus, I thought I'd ask everyone to contribute to this post.

What are the funniest things you've ever heard coaches, players, fans, or other officials say during a game?

wedickinson · #2 (**permalink**) Tue Sep 30, 2003, 03:10pm

Recently an umpire discovered two opposing players lying on the ground and appeared to be 'scuffling' with one another. The umpire immediately ordered the two players to halt the activity, but they continued rolling on the ground 'locked up' together. The umpire threw a flag and the referee appeared on the scene about that time.

As the two officals continued to request the players to break it up, one of the players finally spoke......indicating the playerers' face masks were locked up and they couldn't separate.

the referees request to dis regard the flag was granted by the umpire.

JRutledge · #3 (**permalink**) Tue Sep 30, 2003, 03:52pm

This weekend I had a coach say to me about the opponent when the line was in a "two-point" stance, he said this to me. "When they are in this stance (he was demonstrating), they cannot go into a 3 point stance. They are always set in a two-point stance."

Then I heard yesterday, "if they touch him, it can only be a roughing the kicker." I had to catch myself on that one, coming from a coach.

It might not be as funny to everyone or funnier than other stories, but when you are dealing with people that should know better, it always makes me laugh.

Peace

Matt-MI · #4 (**permalink**) Tue Sep 30, 2003, 07:27pm

Did a JV game yesterday and the chains were only 8 yards long. On a first down our L was setting chains 2 yards past the down box. It was almost halftime before Home coach notices and starts yelling that it's 1/10, not 1/12.

lawref · #5 (**permalink**) Tue Sep 30, 2003, 11:02pm

In a frosh game, the coach was yelling to one of the B players to change his position on the LOS. The R player responded, "But they're (A) not lining up right!" The Coach said, "They don't have to line up like we do it in practice!"

MD Longhorn · #6 (**permalink**) Wed Oct 01, 2003, 08:10am

Linejudging a game early last year (my rookie year), I hadn't yet learned how to get the coaches to settle down, and my coach was riding my on every play. This was a 7th grade "C"-team game, and around here 7th grade normally plays on Monday nights.

Finally, after about 3 quarters of this, referee (25 year vet) lobs the flag over to my side for UC on the coach, and comes over to talk to him. "Coach, that's enough. You'd think from all your yelling that you were coaching on Monday Night Football. Oh, ... wait ... I'm sorry - it IS Monday night - I take it back, you must know what you're talking about." It was all I could do not to laugh in front of him.

Not 5 plays later, I finally get up the nerve to flag and eject him (he made a comment that we were obviously biased - how much was the other coach paying - something I knew was WAY over the line), and referee comes over as he's helping walk the guy off the field and says, "Coach - there's a reason you're coaching the C team. Think about it."

Probably not the most professional thing he could have said - but funny as heck to me.

ump76 · #7 (**permalink**) Wed Oct 01, 2003, 10:00am

Was on the wing in a jv game last year. Other wing official had an obvious block in the back. As I relayed the foul to my sideline I said "Coach, #58, block in the back" He said "on us", I said "Yes, Sir" , he said "Could not have been us we haven't blocked anybody all night, especially in the back" All I could do was grin.

Snake~eyes · #8 (**permalink**) Wed Oct 01, 2003, 10:29am

Towards beggining of a season coach was raggin on the opposite wingman so referee told him to stop. Coach said he was just asking a question and referee says "no you weren't be quiet." Then coach says "can i ask you a question?", referee says "no" and blows ready for play whistle.

Then I'm sure everyone has the fans who are yelling stuff like "That's not PI, that was an uncatchable pass," and "Foward lateral."

Final story,

My association had to eject a chaincrew volunteer. The R told him to be careful what he yells cause he's on the other teams side. The guy gets real defensive and says that he's just cheering for his kid. The guy decides to quit but not only does he quit he gets in the referees face and they exchange some words. So R ejects him. Later we found out he was a Congressmen, Rep. from Arizona.

jimkref · #9 (**permalink**) Wed Oct 01, 2003, 12:05pm

Last week in a non league game, first year school playing all ages (HS) against an older small school JV team. Coach well known to all of us as a fun guy. old school trailing by 4 with a minute left, uses last time out. Coach asks "what would it take to get another time out?". My partner tells him "Coach, figure out a way to score 4 points, and I will GIVE you one in overtime".

ump76 · #10 (**permalink**) Wed Oct 01, 2003, 12:13pm

I was at a JV game last year working the wing. My other wing official had an obvious block in the back. As I went to the coach I told him "Coach, #58, block in the back."
He said "On us", I said "yes, sir" , he said "Couldn't have been us, we haven't blocked anybody all night, especially in the back" I couldn't help but grin.

ABoselli · #11 (**permalink**) Wed Oct 01, 2003, 12:21pm

I'm the R in a youth game, play is run and one RB goes the wrong way, messing up the play. QB comes over to him yelling, "You went the wrong way!" to which the RB replies, "I made a mistake. I'm not perfect. Are you?".
"Tough to argue with that, 14" I said.

Best perspective on football I've ever heard.

I'm the line judge on a varsity game and the QB from the other team keeps running over to his sideline to get a play after each down. The coach on my sideline asks loudly and increduously, "Let me ask you somethin. Can he run ALL the way over there on each play and run ALL the way back?" to which I reply "Sure he can, coach".

"I thought so." was his disheartened reply.

bluezebra · #12 (**permalink**) Wed Oct 01, 2003, 12:35pm

First HS game (LA CITY, "B"), working LJ, keeping time on huddle. Every time visitors have the ball, I hear, "Too much time", from the home bench. Finally there's a dead ball near the home bench. As soon as the ball became dead, an assistant coach starts counting, "Thousand one, thousand two..." Next dead ball is in front of bench again. I turn my head and say, "Coach". "Yes". "See the guy in the white hat"? "Yes". "When he does this (I give 'chopping' sign), I do this (simulate starting stop watch)". "OH".

Same game, same team. Pass play. WR covers TE, goes downfield. I flag for ineligible downfield. Next pass play, ditto. Third time, I'm in front of their bench (near end of 1st half). "Coach, number XX is covering your tight end". "Thanks". Home team takes kickoff, ball dead near home bench. First play from scrimmage, pass. Three guesses, first two don't count.

Bob

seanireland · #13 (**permalink**) Wed Oct 01, 2003, 01:21pm

Punt. Receiver blocks in the back. I give the flag. Coach on sideline yells, "How can it be a block in the back? We are the receivers, How can it be a block in the back?" The other coach had to grab him and escort him to the sidelines. How many punt plays is there NOT a block in the back?

Kickoff. I flag and whistle off sides by the kicking team. The K coach was right behind me on the play. He says to me, "Good thing you threw the flag. If you wouldn't have, I was going to throw a flag myself." We both smiled at each other for the ONE good call I made all day.

Pass Interference. I flag pass interference on the offense because he is blocking downfield before he catches the pass. The defensive coach comes storming on the field yelling, "You're blind! Bad call! My guy didn't interfere." I told him. "I know. It is OPI." Coach goes off field, "Great call. Way to see the play. We'll take it."

Tbone · #14 (**permalink**) Wed Oct 01, 2003, 02:19pm

Reverse play

Me: Coach, #2 holding
Coach: What number?
Me: #2
Coach: #2 is the quarterback, he can't be called for holding!!!!!!!!
Me: He can if he is a blocker on a reverse
Coach: (a few second pause)...I hate that play.

d1ref2b · #15 (**permalink**) Wed Oct 01, 2003, 02:36pm

During a varsity game last season I had the home team coaches screaming at me, I work LJ, for a facemask that was not there. I actually responded to them with, "Your wife must be out here on the field because I know you are not yelling at me like that". After a brief pause, they all laughed.