Arrogance.(long.Sorry;;)

[DrakeM]

Once again the "arrogant" tag has been slapped on me.
Lately I've been working some AAU and other things to stay in shape both physically and mentally so that when I go to Camps this summer I'm not behind the eight ball.
The guy assigning called me last night to give me more games and asked me about an incident that happened last Friday.
Here's the sitch....

Team from small town playing 5A (big school) team.
Small town team is good however and it is a tight game at half, (27-24 big school) but small town team only has 5 players.

About midway through 2nd half, one of the kids on STT, makes a comment about the quality of our officiating skills, and so I "T" him up. This is followed by the usual
"play ball and leave the reffing to us" statement.
Player won't leave it alone and so I issue the second "T" and toss him.
Now Coach (parent,volunteer) from STT stands up and says,
"WE ONLY HAVE 5 PLAYERS" so the kid tries to stay on the floor. I say "I don't care (ok, sounds arrogant) that the kid made the choice to say what he said and he's gone!"
Now, Coach from 5A team wants to be nice and tried to play with only 4 players. I don't allow it. So now Coach from STT make the comment to my partner that we are a bunch of "sissys". I must admit I don't think I've ever been called that before.
"T" from my partner, and Coach starts to head out the door!
I ask my partner if he tossed him, and he says, "Nope, he's leaving on his own." He actually didn't leave but stood in the doorway to the gym. As usual parents in the stand are making comment like, "WAY TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM THE KIDS", "NOBODY IS HERE TO SEE YOU", blah,blah,blah....
More discussion with 5A team about not allowing him to only use 4 players if he has 5 available.
Now Coach from STT in the doorway says "WHY DON'T WE JUST FINISH WITHOUT THE REFS!" SNAP! Back to reality! I've just got my ticket to leave this crap and go home!!!!
So I yell to my partner that we're leaving. His back hurts (not from carrying me however) so he's not arguing. I go to my bag and start to put my stuff away when the Site Super. comes over and tells us that we can't leave. He was actually pretty cool. I tell him that in order for us to stay, STT Coach needs to leave the Gym. He assures me that he'll take care of it.
Long story short, I finally tell the site Super. that if he wants to let 5A team finish with 4, then it's his call and I'll abide by it. Game finishes 4 on 4 and STT wins by three!

Anyway.....
Just telling incident to set up arrogance topic.
So assigner tells me that over the past couple of Tourny's, there have several complaints about me.
Some buzz words used..
Arrogant.
Cocky.
Bigger than the game. (I always like that one)
Acts like he's doing us a favor my being here. (another favorite)
According to assigner, "Nobody questions your ability" (calls etc.)
So, anway, I told him " Fine, if you don't want me to work, that's fine with me!!!"
He still wants me to work, just wanted to let me know the "feedback" he's gotten.

Anway, have any of you ever been slapped with the "arrogant" tag, and what did you change (if anything) to get rid of it.
Thanks, and sorry for the novella.
Drake

[mick]

Smile..., even when you don't feel like it.

[ChuckElias]

Drake, I've seen you work (although not closely enough to hear you interact with players/coaches) and I don't see a trace of arrogance in your game.

My guess is that the people who make that claim know or can tell that you have worked at much higher levels and assume that your decisions are made from a "because I said so" mentality.

But it's also possible that there is something very small that you do without realizing it. People who know you don't think anything of it, but people who don't know you pick up on it and have a negative reaction to it.

An example, a D1 ref on my board tells this story. Earlier in his career, maybe at a camp or a low-level college game, he got observed. And the observer told him that when he called a foul, he tended to "furrow his brow" for lack of a better term. Probably b/c he was concentrating on the fouler and shooter. But it made him look mad every time he called a foul. He didn't even know he was doing it. And the players would pick up on it and think that he either had it in for them, or had a chip on his shoulder. He had to consciously work on not looking . Maybe there's some little thing like that in your game that you're not aware of.

As I said, my guess is that's not the case. It's a case of people not knowing what they're talking about and looking for something to complain about. But next time you're on tape, it might be worth a look.

Chuck

[theboys]

Obviously, we don't know each other Drake, so what I'm about to say may be totally offbase, but...

Since the assignor indicates he's had "several" complaints, maybe there is something in your demeanor that produces that reaction from the teams you ref. Your reply to the assignor, " Fine, if you don't want me to work, that's fine with me!!!", indicates you may need to step back, take a couple of deep breaths, and listen with a less passionate mindset. If that's your approach to coaches and players, it could be construed as arrogant.

I'm telling you, as much as you guys (and ladies) argue about it, "presence" is key to your success as a ref.

As a coach, I really appreciate a ref that's "approachable". Don't get me wrong. I don't expect a ref to take a bunch of crap, but I would like him/her to be marginally friendly prior to the game, and willing to explain a call in a cordial manner during it.

I suggest you have someone tape four or five games, then have an assignor review them with you. Or, better yet, have the assignor watch four or five games, and see if a pattern develops.

Good luck. Your concern shows you care.

[Mark Padgett]

Originally posted by DrakeM
Anway, have any of you ever been slapped with the "arrogant" tag,

Sure - plenty of times. Oh wait - you mean as an official. I thought you were talking about comments from my wife.

[BktBallRef]

Originally posted by DrakeM
So, anyway, I told him " Fine, if you don't want me to work, that's fine with me!!!"

Drake, I thought the exact same thing as theboys when I read that part of your post. That statement does come off with a bit of arrogance. But I might have said the same thing. And yep, I've been accused of it too. Imagine that!

As the others have said, it may be something you're not even conscious of. I'm sure you're an official who keeps control of the game. Oddly enough, some people view that as arrogance. Most times, these people are just looking for something to complain about. 2 or 3 get together and suddenly, there are several complaints.

Just make a mental note the next time you work these games and remember the mentality of the people you're dealing with. I've found that a handshake and introduction before the game goes a long way towards eliminating this type of thing.

[JRutledge]

Originally posted by theboys

I'm telling you, as much as you guys (and ladies) argue about it, "presence" is key to your success as a ref.

My business is sales. In that business I have to speak in front of people that I have never met, know little about in many cases or they know absolutely nothing about me personally. I have to carry myself in a certain way or my speeches or sales talks mean nothing. Many times when I speak in front of people I have a "script" of some kind to follow. I might not follow it word for word, but I follow some kind of outline to cover the major points. Well as an official I do much of the same thing. I try to come up with situations and try to match pre-reheared "scripts" to cover situations that I might face. One of the things it does is take out the emotion of my words. Because we can get upset at times out there or want to say something that we should not say, so these "scripts" help me say the right things or say what I have to in the proper tone because it is familiar to me. Maybe Drake you need to come up with some things that cover different situations so that you do not come off as arrogant. You can get the same point across by coming up with words that are not threatening or sound softer. And yes you need to practice them just as you do your mechanics or your positioning. You might even talk about this in your pregame or other meetings.

I have always said that we are salespeople. That is all officiating really is. No matter what we know, or how good our "product" is, we have to sell ourselves first and anything we do second. And because conflict is not built in these tests, handling conflict or have a presence is very important in what we do. It helps me in sales, it certainly helps me on a basketball court. But enough about my life.

Peace

[Dan_ref]

I had a game like yours a few weeks ago, except the coach wouldn't leave so we did. Wahooo! Lucky me!

Anyway, as usual Mick has some good advice. Smile every now & then if you don't want to appear too "arrogant" (whatever that means). Chuck hits on a good point as well: your obvious professionalism is kinda foreign to these folks, so they process it as "arrogance".

Do you get these kinds of comments when working your "real" games? I kinda doubt it.

[stan-MI]

Many officials who come off as arrogant are perceived that way because they insist on having the last word in any conversation with a coach or player, or having a snappy comeback for every snip from a coach, or interrupting a coach before he or she finishes talking. Sometimes it's beneficial to let a coach vent, or to let him think he's witty. Also, pay attention to the tone of your voice. Don't sound like a teacher speaking to a naughty second grader. And Mick's right, try to smile.

[fletch_irwin_m]

We have an official in our association, not me, but a real good friend. He has been tagged with the arrogant label. When you watch him officite it is obvious why. It is all in the way he runs and gets himself in position. It is hard to describe, he has a high heel kick, his hands are in front of him with his thumbs up and when he get into position, he has this sort of "John Wayne" approach. Unfortunately for him, it is natural. That IS the way he runs, and anytime you talk to him he squares up like John Wayne!! Great guy, not even CLOSE to arrogant, and we have those, it just boils down to his presence. What he has done to "correct" for this is work a little on his running style, but has tried to make himself more "approachable" by coaches. Sometimes he will crack a joke or say something lite hearted early on and that has been somewhat effective. Just some thouths.
BTW, I run like a duck and am just happy to be IN position. Although I do have a nie "ole" thing when there is a foul intransition!

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by JRutledge
I have always said that we are salespeople. That is all officiating really is. No matter what we know, or how good our "product" is, we have to sell ourselves first and anything we do second.

Jeff, I agree 100%. It's the same problem some folks (of course, not me!!!) have with appearing weak. You may not feel weak, but if your eyebrows are up, and you keep turning your head away from the action to listen, instead of firmly asking the person to wait; if your sentences all go up at the end, and if your grin appears rather foolish, well, it doens't matter how certain you are about your calls.

I've been thinking about it like a stage play. I have gone and watched the better refs and then tried to imitate specific physical motions I see in them. Drake, you are definitely one of the best refs, I've seen you and I know. But you might be able to learn something by watching someone who is good, but more relaxed, or appears more personable. At the JH and HS level, you might even talk to a coach after a game, and ask who he would suggest you watch. Or ask your assignor, who gave the comments.

Drake, I also wonder, from some things you said in your original post, is WNBA out for you this year?

[Edited by rainmaker on May 1st, 2003 at 12:24 PM]

[Hawks Coach]

I noted several things that you did in this sitch that could be perceived as arrogant. First, I noted to your statement to the crowd. The phrase "I don't care," no matter how intended, makes you sound arrogant. You probably mean that it's not relevant, but if you really meant I don't care, that indicates a bit of an attitude. Additionally, you started down a road of trouble by responding to the crowd, and probably provided more fuel to the fire and more ammo for their argument against you. Ignoring them would have been a better position to take, or responding much more neutrally - "he behaved in xyz manner, and that is a T." In heated situations, neutral, non-judgmental statements are best.

The second thing I reacted to was your readiness to ditch the game. You had no cause to leave. You did have cause to eject the coach, but you don't indicate that you did so. It appears from my reading that, at this point, the situation got under your skin a bit. If it did, you may have been showing to all watching an attitude that they don't expect from a ref.

The last thing I noted was what has already been a addressed, your statement to the assigner, which can be taken muliple ways but may indicate to a listener that you think you are above it all.

You may only appear this way when things go south and players or coaches behave in an inappropriate manner. I would give the same guidance that I give my players when we deal with an unsportsmanlike team, a trainwreck of a table (fouls wrong, score wrong, etc.) or a difficult official. We control only our behavior. We may get frustrated by what is going on around us, but we still have a task to do - play a game. We must remain above the fray - I insist on that from my players, assistant coaches, and parents.

You have a task to accomplish that must override all other impulses going on in your brain. You need to be the leader on the court when everybody else is letting their emotions get to them. Emotional reactions in heated situations are the most difficult to control, but you must show that control. And is it possible that in the lower level games you allow yourslf to be frustrated by the completely unknowledgeable and immature behavior?

And maybe I am way off base and you already appear calm under fire, and that unbelievable calm makes you look aloof and arrogant - I'm not watching you, so it is hard for me to say. Just some thoughts based on your description of events.

[stripes]

Drake, I think I know more about this sit than anyone else here, with the exception of Kelvin (BTW, do you know how he is doing in the middle east?). I think a lot of the perception stems from the fact that you don't take crap from players, coaches, etc and too many of your partners will take an excessive amount. Your look is distinctive enough that you will be remembered by people. I have had plenty of people describe you to me to know that they might not know your name, but they do know who you are.

IMO, too many guys (nd gals for that matter) around here don't have the stones to take care of business, you do and will suffer by comparison. What league is playing right now? I have a stress fracture in my foot and am not running so I haven't done anything.

[A Pennsylvania Coach]

Originally posted by JRutledge

My business is sales. In that business I have to speak in front of people that I have never met, know little about in many cases or they know absolutely nothing about me personally. I have to carry myself in a certain way or my speeches or sales talks mean nothing. Many times when I speak in front of people I have a "script" of some kind to follow. I might not follow it word for word, but I follow some kind of outline to cover the major points. Well as an official I do much of the same thing. I try to come up with situations and try to match pre-reheared "scripts" to cover situations that I might face. One of the things it does is take out the emotion of my words. Because we can get upset at times out there or want to say something that we should not say, so these "scripts" help me say the right things or say what I have to in the proper tone because it is familiar to me. Maybe Drake you need to come up with some things that cover different situations so that you do not come off as arrogant. You can get the same point across by coming up with words that are not threatening or sound softer. And yes you need to practice them just as you do your mechanics or your positioning. You might even talk about this in your pregame or other meetings.

I have always said that we are salespeople. That is all officiating really is. No matter what we know, or how good our "product" is, we have to sell ourselves first and anything we do second. And because conflict is not built in these tests, handling conflict or have a presence is very important in what we do. It helps me in sales, it certainly helps me on a basketball court. But enough about my life.

Peace

I agree with Rut more often than most, and I'm going to do it again. I've never really weighed in on the "presence vs rules knowledge" debate. Rut makes an excellent analogy here, and I want to take it one step further.

Even the slickest salesman will eventually lose his customers if his product sucks. And a homely salesman with a product everyone wants will retire a rich man.

I'm taking my officiating test on June 2. I think it'll be nice to make a little extra money when I can squeeze it in with coaching, and if the parents ever get bad enough to make me want to give up coaching, I'll have a little experience officiating. I'm sure I'll do great on the rules test. But I know I'm going to have to work at the presence. I'm guessing it will come when I get confident in where I'm supposed to be when, and in my mechanics.

[Sleeper]

Perception is 9/10ths of reality (unfortunately). I think all of the suggestions that have been made are valid. I try not to say anything to the coaches other than answering direct questions. I had a guy from my chapter tell me this year, after my first heated confrontation with a coach in a tournament, that,"silence cannot be misquoted."