Nasty coach

[Rita C]

He yells at the girls "That was lousy!" He throws his clipboard in disgust when there is a turnover. He yells, "I've told you a hundred times" and other such unhelpful meaningless tripe.

These are eighth grade girls. Girls I know from Little League softball. Girls I know who work 110%, especially when they get positively expressed constructive criticism. They deserve better treatment and would do better if they had a coach that would at least explain what they did incorrectly.

And there's nothing I can do because I'm the ref. Plus I really dislike this guy as coach.

Could I at least T him for throwing the clipboard? Sigh, fortunately I'm not assigned anymore of his games for middle school. Maybe I'll ask not to be assigned any of his games for high school as well.

I know the AD for the school. I'm tempted to suggest a coaching clinic for him? Or at least that she listen to him coach a game?

Rita

[REFVA]

Rita C, where are the parents of the girls that he coaches. I guess they don't feel anything or mind the way he speaks to them. I can tell you that they do but won't make any waves becuase these parents are looking for a meal ticket to their higher education. So if they make waves that stays with them and unfortunatly that will follow the girls into high school. I think making a comment to the AD might help..

The State commissioner the other day stated at the state clinic a very wise comment. "We at the high school level are preparing these kids to be good citizens and winning may not be the only thing in life. yes we all want to win, but don't sacrafice the career and the mental attitude of these kids. If you are here to win only, You should go back into your school tomorrow and resign your position". Of course it was being directed to the coaches who were also at the clinic.

First time I ever heard that said at the high school level.

[rainmaker]

Originally Posted by Rita C

Could I at least T him for throwing the clipboard? Sigh, fortunately I'm not assigned anymore of his games for middle school. Maybe I'll ask not to be assigned any of his games for high school as well.

I know the AD for the school. I'm tempted to suggest a coaching clinic for him? Or at least that she listen to him coach a game?

Rita

By all means, whack him when he throws the clipboard. Then, when he yells at you, toss him -- problem solved!!

I would definitely talk to the AD, especially if she's a personal friend. Kids definitely don't need this treatment and rarely, rarely does it yield the kinds of things we say we're working toward.

you might also talk to your assignor about telling other refs not to tolerate the clipboard thing, and to be very itchy about how he talks to anyone.

[Adam]

My guess is that if he's that irritated with his players, he probably gets irritated quickly with the refs. If so, it shows he's out of control. If not, well, I'm not sure it's not worse if he's doing that under complete emotional control. Something tells me it's all controled, but that's only a guess.

Either way, I'm with Julie, I'd be inclined to ring him up for tossing a clipboard; even if it's obviously in disgust at his team, it's middle school. I don't think it's any different than if he swore at them for all to hear.

He's taking a risk by doing that, that the refs aren't going to think he's tossing the clipboard in disgust at them.

[Back In The Saddle]

Whack him for the clipboard thing. That's unacceptable behavior no matter who it's aimed at. I wouldn't go looking for a reason to unload him either, no matter how much you dislike the guy. But if he chooses to go there...

I would definitely talk to your assigner about this guy's behavior. If enough people bring it up to the assigner, the assigner will likely pass it on to somebody who can fix the problem. And the assigner is almost certainly in a stronger position to address it with the AD than you are. Especially if he/she can tell the AD that many/several/numerous officials have commented on the behavior.

If you feel you must do something more direct, perhaps a letter to the AD or principal stating that you were in attendance at the game (without stating why) and outlining concrete examples of behavior you felt were inappropriate.

Just my $0.02

[eyezen]

Do not get involved. Penalize for behavior as you would for anyone else. Your objectivity is your livelihood. Karma will take care of the rest.

Originally Posted by rainmaker

I would definitely talk to the AD, especially if she's a personal friend. Kids definitely don't need this treatment and rarely, rarely does it yield the kinds of things we say we're working toward.

Disagree.

It's the AD's job to handle this, not yours. You're interjecting yourself into a situation that others are paid to handle. See above.

[rainmaker]

Originally Posted by eyezen

Do not get involved. Penalize for behavior as you would for anyone else. Your objectivity is your livelihood. Karma will take care of the rest.

Disagree.

It's the AD's job to handle this, not yours. You're interjecting yourself into a situation that others are paid to handle. See above.

I'll re-disagree. It's the AD's job to handle this, but it's everyone's business to express disapproval of the jerk's behavior, so that the AD knows she needs to handle it, and that she'll have lots of support for handling it. She needs to know for sure what's happening (which she may not), she needs to know that several people disapprove, and she needs to know that it's appropriate to work with the guy to change his behavior.

[Back In The Saddle]

Originally Posted by rainmaker

I'll re-disagree. It's the AD's job to handle this, but it's everyone's business to express disapproval of the jerk's behavior, so that the AD knows she needs to handle it, and that she'll have lots of support for handling it. She needs to know for sure what's happening (which she may not), she needs to know that several people disapprove, and she needs to know that it's appropriate to work with the guy to change his behavior.

Whose support? An independent contractor who was hired for about 90 minutes on a random Tuesday? And now that contractor, whom the AD views as little more than a necessary evil and a drain on the athletic budget, wants to advise the AD on personnel matters? The odds of this blowing up in the official's face are at least 50/50. Probably worse.

How would you react if the plumber you hired to fix the sink felt the need to call the next day to share his views on the way you raise your kids? How often do we joke about going into some obnoxious coach or fan's place workplace and giving our unqualified critique of how they do their work? It's only ever talked about because the sheer absurdity of the situation illustrates a point. But now you're actually suggesting that one of us actually do it!

Perhaps everybody should express their disapproval of this guy's behavior. But it's not appropriate for everybody to express it to the AD directly.

[eyezen]

Originally Posted by rainmaker

I'll re-disagree. It's the AD's job to handle this, but it's everyone's business to express disapproval of the jerk's behavior, so that the AD knows she needs to handle it, and that she'll have lots of support for handling it. She needs to know for sure what's happening (which she may not), she needs to know that several people disapprove, and she needs to know that it's appropriate to work with the guy to change his behavior.

You do not know the whole story. All you know is what you see in a 3 foot by 14 foot box for 32 minutes. But now you've gone beyond your duties as an official and interjected yourself into an issue that others are paid to handle. If this AD is that clueless that she doesn't know what's going on, then that is an issue for the principal, supt, & BOE. (or whatever the chain of command). He could be the best thing going for that program, you don't know.

Insert anecdotal evidence... I played for a coach who was well known in my HS association for his boorish sideline behavior. In fact he even has a nickname. But when others talk about him I just kinda of keep qiuet. All they know is by what they know working his games. He was a HOF coach in our state. He was old school and demanding and even sometimes demeaning, but pushed you beyond your capabilities, physically and mentally. On the flip side he is a churchgoing and very dedicated family man. He was here for ~25 years until he retired, obviously those in charge of his employment thought enough of him to keep him around. He is well respected by former players, to the point that many return to give back to the program throughout their adult life. He turned a lot of boys into men.

Now I realize this is somewhat different as you story is about JRHigh girls, but trust me things won't get to the point where the snowflakes are going to melt, the helos will make sure of that.

[eyezen]

Originally Posted by Back In The Saddle

Whose support? An independent contractor who was hired for about 90 minutes on a random Tuesday? And now that contractor, whom the AD views as little more than a necessary evil and a drain on the athletic budget, wants to advise the AD on personnel matters? The odds of this blowing up in the official's face are at least 50/50. Probably worse.

How would you react if the plumber you hired to fix the sink felt the need to call the next day to share his views on the way you raise your kids? How often do we joke about going into some obnoxious coach or fan's place workplace and giving our unqualified critique of how they do their work? It's only ever talked about because the sheer absurdity of the situation illustrates a point. But now you're actually suggesting that one of us actually do it!

Perhaps everybody should express their disapproval of this guy's behavior. But it's not appropriate for everybody to express it to the AD directly.

Also this.

[mick]

Originally Posted by Rita C

He yells at the girls "That was lousy!" He throws his clipboard in disgust when there is a turnover. He yells, "I've told you a hundred times" and other such unhelpful meaningless tripe.

These are eighth grade girls. Girls I know from Little League softball. Girls I know who work 110%, especially when they get positively expressed constructive criticism. They deserve better treatment and would do better if they had a coach that would at least explain what they did incorrectly.

And there's nothing I can do because I'm the ref. Plus I really dislike this guy as coach.

Could I at least T him for throwing the clipboard? Sigh, fortunately I'm not assigned anymore of his games for middle school. Maybe I'll ask not to be assigned any of his games for high school as well.

I know the AD for the school. I'm tempted to suggest a coaching clinic for him? Or at least that she listen to him coach a game?

Rita

During half-time is usually a good time to privately tell the coach that while you are not suggesting how to coach his team, his ferocity is becoming a bit of a distraction to refs and fans, alike.

[REFVA]

I go back to my earlier post, Where are the parents, if he is so demeaning, arogant, loud mouth, puts the girls down, I would never have anyone speak to my daughter that way. where are the parents. I agree with BITS. We are officials paid to do a service, how many coaches have we seen in our careers that do that all the time. If you want to make a comment to the AD, fine. If the Ad hasn't seen the behavior, it's becuase he/she knows a lot more about this coach than we do, as well as the parents do to. he may be the best coach next to slice bread we don't know. Whack him for the clip board make a comment and move on. IMO.

[REFVA]

During half-time is usually a good time to privately tell the coach that while you are not suggesting how to coach his team, his ferocity is becoming a bit of a distraction to refs and fans, alike.
MICK

Mick, as a fan, maybe I would talk to him and say that. As a ref, you are opening a can of worms that I think you may want to stay away from..You open yourself to a bunch of remarks. I think T'ing him up for the clipboard will shut him up.

[mick]

Originally Posted by mick

During half-time is usually a good time to privately tell the coach that while you are not suggesting how to coach his team, his ferocity is becoming a bit of a distraction to refs and fans, alike.

Originally Posted by REFVA

Mick, as a fan, maybe I would talk to him and say that. As a ref, you are opening a can of worms that I think you may want to stay away from..You open yourself to a bunch of remarks. I think T'ing him up for the clipboard will shut him up.

I noticed that.
I prefer to **warn** , then *whack*.

[gordon30307]

Originally Posted by Rita C

He yells at the girls "That was lousy!" He throws his clipboard in disgust when there is a turnover. He yells, "I've told you a hundred times" and other such unhelpful meaningless tripe.

These are eighth grade girls. Girls I know from Little League softball. Girls I know who work 110%, especially when they get positively expressed constructive criticism. They deserve better treatment and would do better if they had a coach that would at least explain what they did incorrectly.

And there's nothing I can do because I'm the ref. Plus I really dislike this guy as coach.


Could I at least T him for throwing the clipboard? Sigh, fortunately I'm not assigned anymore of his games for middle school. Maybe I'll ask not to be assigned any of his games for high school as well.

I know the AD for the school. I'm tempted to suggest a coaching clinic for him? Or at least that she listen to him coach a game?

Rita

A cliche that I live by "no good deed goes unpunished" applies in this case. Your heart is in the right place but you have no business suggesting coaching changes or issuing a technical for behaviour that is not directed at you. If he's as abusive as you describe he'll eventually get what he deserves. Your job is to officiate the game in an objective manner. Leave the decision on who coaches what to the AD and Principal. Good Luck this season.