What should you do about bad parenting?

[Bad Zebra]

Originally Posted by Stan

Maybe this can shed some light on the subject.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...12-000010.html

Stan

This article is a great read. I see it as a very relevant link to insane parental behavior. The article is describing "helicopter parents". Hovering over EVERY facet of their kids' lives, including time spent in organized sports. That mentality manifests itself quite nicely when little Trevor or Joshua or Ashley is called for a foul...and mommy and daddy have to jump right in and "fix it". Their only option is to make the official the problem, not their little prince or princess' behavior. Maybe we should carry business cards for a local mental health pro and hand it out when someone fouls out.

[Stan]

Rainmaker, I agree, the article is a bit simplistic. However, I think it is applicable to the conversation. Excerpts of the article in red.

Originally Posted by rainmaker

I don't know, Stan. That's pretty simplistic -- the article, I mean. But whether or not I agree on that subject, I'm not sure it's relevant to the topic of parents who scream at refs.

Kids are having a hard time even playing neighborhood pick-up games because they've never done it, observes Barbara Carlson, president and cofounder of Putting Families First. "They've been told by their coaches where on the field to stand, told by their parents what color socks to wear, told by the referees who's won and what's fair. Kids are losing leadership skills."

I know this thread was started in jest, but it is a serious issue, and one that affects more and more people. I think the main problem is that parents believe that "anything worth doing is worth being perfect at" and they really can't see that a healthy childhood includes a lot of mediocre performance.

Parents need to abandon the idea of perfection and give up some of the invasive control they've maintained over their children. The goal of parenting, Portmann reminds, is to raise an independent human being. Sooner or later, he says, most kids will be forced to confront their own mediocrity.

These are the same parents who scream at teachers for giving the kids B's instead of A's, and then scream at the kids for "slacking off."

American parents today expect their children to be perfect—the smartest, fastest, most charming people in the universe..

It's okay for kids to "slack off" and go to community college, and live in two-room apartments, and take the bus.

—it's possible to get a meaningful education almost anywhere. Further, argues historian Stearns, there are ample openings for students at an array of colleges. "We have a competitive frenzy that frankly involves parents more than it involves kids themselves,"

There's no shame in not being Michael Jordan, or Lisa Leslie.

[CLH]

I think I've made a statement, good or bad, my stats this summer are. 3 coaches tossed, and 4 parents send home early, and technicals on many more coaches. Call me a hothead, but I don't have a very long rope with these idiots.

Oh and get this one, we tossed a coach and the administrator brought him back in at a time out to ask why he was ejected. Of course we were like what the hell are you doing? Then in a later game, admin tried to put 30 secs back on the clock that was ran off during a foul out substition, clock runs no matter what by their rules. Then later, we toss a fan, HE BRINGS HIM BACK IN! Not once, not twice, 3 f$%#'n times he let's the guy come back in and we stop the game to get him back out. Somtimes it's just one of those days.

[rainmaker]

Originally Posted by CLH

I think I've made a statement, good or bad, my stats this summer are. 3 coaches tossed, and 4 parents send home early, and technicals on many more coaches. Call me a hothead, but I don't have a very long rope with these idiots.

Oh and get this one, we tossed a coach and the administrator brought him back in at a time out to ask why he was ejected. Of course we were like what the hell are you doing? Then in a later game, admin tried to put 30 secs back on the clock that was ran off during a foul out substition, clock runs no matter what by their rules. Then later, we toss a fan, HE BRINGS HIM BACK IN! Not once, not twice, 3 f$%#'n times he let's the guy come back in and we stop the game to get him back out. Somtimes it's just one of those days.

Two weeks later...

administrator calls CLS: "Hey can you work some games for me this weekend?"

CLS: "Only if you're paying $150 per game!"

[26 Year Gap]

Originally Posted by Bad Zebra

This article is a great read. I see it as a very relevant link to insane parental behavior. The article is describing "helicopter parents". Hovering over EVERY facet of their kids' lives, including time spent in organized sports. That mentality manifests itself quite nicely when little Trevor or Joshua or Ashley is called for a foul...and mommy and daddy have to jump right in and "fix it". Their only option is to make the official the problem, not their little prince or princess' behavior. Maybe we should carry business cards for a local mental health pro and hand it out when someone fouls out.

Remember when players had to raise their hand when they were called for a foul? Can you imagine if that was still in the rulebook today?

[Back In The Saddle]

Originally Posted by 26 Year Gap

Remember when players had to raise their hand when they were called for a foul? Can you imagine if that was still in the rulebook today?

Perhaps we should reinstate that rule, to help little Johnny learn to take responsibility for his own actions. The hard part would be helping the coaches understand this concept.

[BktBallRef]

Originally Posted by CLH

I think I've made a statement, good or bad, my stats this summer are. 3 coaches tossed, and 4 parents send home early, and technicals on many more coaches. Call me a hothead, but I don't have a very long rope with these idiots.

NC AAU Girls has a great rule. If you toss the parent, the daughter goes to. Talk about cleaning things up!!!

[tjones1]

Originally Posted by BktBallRef

NC AAU Girls has a great rule. If you toss the parent, the daughter goes to. Talk about cleaning things up!!!

I'd go for this! How about a step farther? Whoever gets tossed, anyone assoicated with that person goes too.

[26 Year Gap]

Originally Posted by tjones1

I'd go for this! How about a step farther? Whoever gets tossed, anyone assoicated with that person goes too.

Are you from the midwest?

[ChrisSportsFan]

Originally Posted by 26 Year Gap

Are you from the midwest?

I am and it would be fun to tell them to: "take your teeth with you!"

[tjones1]

Originally Posted by 26 Year Gap

Are you from the midwest?

I am. Why do you ask?

[Stan]

Originally Posted by tjones1

I'd go for this! How about a step farther? Whoever gets tossed, anyone assoicated with that person goes too.

- and the horse they rode in on.

[dblref]

Originally Posted by REFVA

I guess I'm waiting for the day, which will probably never happen and I'll never know if it happens. that maybe one day the kids will shed some light on the parents when they see their father get thrown out and just simply say, " DAD you must be an "A$$, don't embarass me again"

I had something similar happen a couple of years ago during a summer league game (non-AAU) when a young lady (about 12-13 years old) missed the first of 2 free throws and her mom yelled at her to "get her head in the game". It was really quite in the gym and the player put the ball on the floor, turned to her mom and said "if you think it's so easy, why don't you come down here and do it, otherwise, SHUT UP!" I hate to think of the conversation in the car on the way home. BTW, the mom never said a word after that.

[dblref]

Originally Posted by Bad Zebra

Has anyone had the opportunity to clear a gym of everyone except the coaches, players and table personnel? Our local officials have done it several times in the past few years during AAU tournaments. Surprisingly effective when it seems parents have lost all perspective in the stands and sanity becomes a scarce commodity.

I think this happened in MD. last year. Seems that the parents were getting out of hand and on one particular Saturday, the only people allowed into the gym were the teams and the officials.

[26 Year Gap]

Originally Posted by tjones1

I am. Why do you ask?

cuz back east we say 'step father'