What's a person to think?

[rainmaker]

I had a great weekend doing 8th grade basketball for a big tournament with some really outstanding players. It was a college gym and for the finals the place was packed, noisy, hot and insane! What a blast!!

But I have a couple of sort of philosophical questions, of the "morning after" type. One of the schools which competed, is the small private school that my children attended/are attending. I did two of their girls' games. (The boys' team was nervous when they saw me walk in the gym -- they don't like how tight I call traveling!! But the assignor saved me for the girls' games). I like these girls who were playing. I like their little sisters and brothers and I like their parents. I especially like the two teachers who were coaches. They are two of the best teachers in the school, and my children have had both of them. This is a Christian school, with a heavy emphasis on sportsmanship and good attitude. So the last thing I expected was to have them "Working" me. In fact, I was shocked at how bad it got. I know that putting the tag "Christian" on a school doesn't guarantee good attitude, but I had expected better from these particular people. I mean, for Pete's sake, I have known them and worked with them about my children for years. So what is my "morning after" attitude? Well, I have lost a little respect. Maybe quite a bit of respect. Is that reasonable? Would it be better for me to compartmentalize a little, and sort of write this stuff off? Should I go and talk to them about it? What sort of thoughts are appropriate about the abuse I took from the stands -- full of people I have known and loved for years? I'm not quite sure what to think...


And then I remember the old family stories about my uncle who is a real MOUTH at a basketball game. His wife won't let him go to any games anymore because he ALWAYS gets thrown out. My cousin, who also was the person that got me started, used to ref. The first advice he gave me was, "Don't ever let Uncle Tom come to any of your games." My cousin had to eject his own uncle (!) from the first game (and also the last!) Tom came to watch. Yet Uncle Tom is one of the kindest, most gentle people you could ever meet, who would give you the shirt off his back if you were cold, and is an excellent middle school teacher beloved by thousands of students.

So what gives here? Any deep psychological insight that might make me more comfortable with this troublesome aspect of my new addiction?

You folks, that end up doing games for schools where you work, or otherwise with people you know, how do you handle this?

[Edited by rainmaker on Feb 18th, 2001 at 07:49 PM]

[JRutledge]

of officiating. "Christian" schools have some of the worst behavior. You would think that people that send their kids to such a school to get away from certain values that they think are taught or not taught at other schools would act like responsible human beings. But that is not often the case. Most of the comments and bad behavior I have seen at Catholic or Protestine schools. It is just the way it is, it just goes to show just because people claim to be something, that they do not always act like they "strive" to be.

[BktBallRef]

This is the one that concerns my wife the most when I walk out the door to officiate a local game. People you may think of as friends can quickly turn on you in the face of competition. It's moreso the uniform that they're attacking than you. But I'm sure that doesn't make you feel any better.

It's a difficult situation that can be best handled based on your personality. What do I mean? If you're the type of person who can easily forgive people and look beyond their faults, then you'll be able to deal with those folks the next time you see them, no matter what the circumstances. Although you won't forget what happened, they probably have. You're probably hurting more now than you will later. However, if you're hurt easily and hang on to such things, you're going to have difficulty dealing with these people. It might be best to stay away a few days until you've had more of an opportunity to reflect on it. If there was one particular person that you had difficulty with, you may want to talk to them. That's up to you.

No matter how you choose to handle this, you have a decision to make. Will you continue to work games for this school or any other that your children may attend? For many officials, it's taboo to work games where your kids go to school. But that's a decision you have to make. If this is the first time that you've worked their games, they probably didn't have much respect for your officiating. That usually comes when they see you work more games.

We have a local adult church league that I've worked for about 5 years. I knew a lot of the men before the league began play. During the first couple of years, it was tough. Seems like I would call 2 to 4 technical fouls per night. But now they're glad to see me walk into the building. The teams that have been in the league since it's inception, respect me, know that I know the rules, and know how far they can push before they cross the line. I think they get a kick out of the new teams that come in and have to learn the ropes the hard way. They may not always agree with my call but they know they're going to get a fair shake.

Take your time and think about it in a couple of days. Don't dwell on it. Good luck girl!

[Brian Watson]

Without meaning disrespect to anyone; Rainmaker I think you stumbled upon one of officiating worst kept dirty secrets. Induhviduals from parochial schools, some who you would think would be the easiest to work for, exhibit some of the worst sportsmanship around. This is not a broad indictment of all of these institutions, but, if most officials had to rank a "worst", I bet one would show up. I also find with some of these schools the kids playing exhibit even worse sportsmanship than the coaches. I don't know why it happens, maybe it is a napoleon complex because most of these schools are small, or the coaches lack experience, but I find it is just a fact. The church minister at a game I did earlier this year, during his pregame prayer, asked for sportsmanship, and for everyone to respect the officials (he also prayed for our guidance which I thought to be a bit humorous. If I stick a great block/charge call should I thank god first in my post game interview????), yet he was saying things I have never heard out of a fan in my life. I was stunned, and could not believe this was a religious leader spewing on the sideline.

I guess sports is a Jekyl and Hyde potion that everyone.

[mick]

I worked a DIII mens' game the other night (a Baptist University and a Lutheran College) and after calling a third WWF foul on a post player (I showed holding, because I forgot the grappling signal), he immediately turned to me, visibly upset, and said, "Sir this isn't a girls' game you know."
mick

[bigwhistle]

rainmaker...

It is never a good idea to work at any school where a possible conflict of interest may occur. While it may have been your assignor giving you the games, you need to let him/her know that you can't work for the school under any circumstances. Nothing good can come fromm these situations.

Officials must maintain standards above reproach. While you had no intent to cheat, and did not do so, the perception will be there that favoritism will come into the game. If the other team finds out that your kid attends the school, do you think that they will suspect you of calling the game fairly? If the calls are going against "your" school, do you think that the fans will think that you are overcompensating to make sure that you are not intentionally favoring their team?

Stay away from these potential nightmares. Even if the assignor gives you grief, they will respect your integrity and it will pay off postively in the long run.

Rainmaker, it's great that you thought you were in for an easy game haveing knowledge of the schools and coaches. But once the game starts you are just another ref. I reffed a game at my alma-mater. The V head coach was my jv coach when I attended. When I arrived in the gym it was all smiles and memories. Middle of the fourth period, i was "terrible'. I t'd him and he told me I'd never work in his gym again. That was five years ago. After that game he came in and apologized for being a "jerk". I'm now on his tournament list. It's ok to be friendly before the game but never comprimise yourself or your integrity. Call what you see, and Have fun!!!!

[Dan_ref]

The bottom line is when you're working you need to
put your game face on. If you recognize a fan treat
them like any other fan and ignore them because you never
can predict how they will behave. If you know the coach
outside of basketball treat him professionally, don't
talk about next month's block party or discuss the latest
movies you've seen. If a fan says hello then return the
greeting politely and move on, even if it's your favorite
Uncle Bob. And understand that they are not yelling at you
they are yelling at the uniform (well, in almost all cases!). Tony gave some great advice, use this experience
to understand how *you* react to this type of behavior, it will help you in the future. If possible learn how to
not take these comments personally, remember it's only a
game but people become very emotional at these games, even
your favorite Uncle Bob!

[Kelly Kinghorn]

Rainmaker--

I think we need to remember that once the ball goes up, people's competative nature takes over (in most cases). I happen to believe that one's belief structure should permiate their entire behavior pattern, but this doesn't seem to be the case very often.

Coaches and players at all schools are competative and always want to win. Christian schools are not excepted and the coaches and players will act however they decide to.

I would let it go.

[rainmaker]

Thanks for all the replies. With regard to not working these games, I really tried to get out of them, but the way the whole situation stacked up, they were unavoidable. I'm quite sure I didn't favor my kids' school, and I don't think I went harder on them, either.

I guess there's just something about sports that can bring out the worst of us, and Christian or not, the worst can be very bad. In fairness, none of these peole came close to a T, and the second game wasn't as bad as the first. In the first game, I made a point of never calling the coaches by their names, but continued to say "Coach this" and "Coach that." They were both visibly surprised at first, but it may be that which made the second game better -- they felt more prefessional, maybe.

I may very well refuse to do their games next year. I'll see how I feel. I love doing this tournament, and would hate to pass on the whole thing. The advice here helps a lot. Thanks.

[williebfree]

I enjoyed all the posts on this thread! Each offered an honest assessment of what can be expected.

The FIRST game I ever officiated was the season-opener for my son/daughter's parochial school. It was actually an "away" game (20 miles from our school). I was hired by the "Away" team's AD/coach; only 3 hours before game time.

This experience was a total EYE-OPENER. The coaches of my kid's school were horrible. Constantly chipping; "3 Sec., OTB, travel, etc..." I had yet to learn the "universal stop sign" and didn't know what was "acceptable" conduct by coaches. Even if I did I do not think I would have had enough intestinal fortitude to whack them. In hindsight, it is obvious they figured out I was a "greenie."

It was a painful learning experience, but I am pleased to say that because of my subsequent experience, diligent study of the rule book and official's manual, and this chat forum, I have come a long way baby! I now gladly accept all games and feel competent and confident and these games are enjoyable experiences.

As far as your situation Juulie, give it time... I think you will come to a decision that is right for you!

[Paul in Seattle]

Got to agree with BigWhistle here. It is not impropriety we need to avoid as officials--it is actually much more complex than that. We need to avoid the -appearance- of impropriety. I'm certain you didn't favor or bend over backwards to show disfavor to your kids' school, but I wouldn't want to be in this situation. I'm a teacher, and no way to I officiate my school's games. Period. Once I was mistakenly assigned a JV game, and I hated every minute of it. Couldn't get in the groove--every call I made, I stopped to think if it looked fair, if it looked like I was favoring or disfavoring my kids. Yuck.

Originally posted by bigwhistle
rainmaker...

It is never a good idea to work at any school where a possible conflict of interest may occur. While it may have been your assignor giving you the games, you need to let him/her know that you can't work for the school under any circumstances. Nothing good can come fromm these situations.

Officials must maintain standards above reproach. While you had no intent to cheat, and did not do so, the perception will be there that favoritism will come into the game. If the other team finds out that your kid attends the school, do you think that they will suspect you of calling the game fairly? If the calls are going against "your" school, do you think that the fans will think that you are overcompensating to make sure that you are not intentionally favoring their team?

Stay away from these potential nightmares. Even if the assignor gives you grief, they will respect your integrity and it will pay off postively in the long run.

[glind]

This is a great topic. I deal with this all the time because of the small area I live in. The schools around here for JV, Freshmen, and Middle school games always use refs from the town and alot of times they are teachers at the home school. There are only of few of the these guys that I think should not work at there home schools because of giving advantages, but for the most part I think that the games go well and it saves the schools a lot of money because they don't have to pay milage. I work games at the school I gratuated from (3 years ago) I now live about 40 miles away. I do have some fans think that they should get the advantage because they are at home (the "homer" advantage as they tell me). Usally their comments just give me a good chuckle because they have never even opened a rule book and have no idea what they are talking about. I have worked JV games there for 3 years now and both coaches have told me that they are happy when they see my name for their game. The other 2 schools I do JV games at are the town I live in (which I don't know alot of people because I haven't been here that long so I don't have alot of people say anything to me because they think that I am an out of towner) and a town 10 miles south (which was the high school that my high school combines with for the football season so I know a lot of people from that town.)

Short story: The first varsity baseball game I ever did was one year out of high school and it was with my "old" high school team. I made sure that the AD of the home team that hired me knew that and he told me that he had seen me call games and said he confident that I could call a good game. Before the game it was kinda uncomfortable because I was tring to be professional but it was hard because everyone knew me. First inning I called a kid out tring to steal second which took them out of the inning and my old coach got a little upset but I stood my ground and told him what I saw (it was an easy call the kid never mad it to the base, ball and glove was between) The rest of the game went well as it turned in to a blow out and there were no real big calls)

In the area I live in for all of the under class games I work for basketball I have to get my own games so it becomes alot easier to get games at schools were you know the AD and also that are close to your home as schools here in the northwoods tend to get spread out. One of the conferences that I get varsity games for I have to travel 2-3 hours to get to the schools but that is were I could break in because they are in need of officials.

So I guess what I am saying is that I would not give up a game because of the town it was in or who was playing if they feel comfortable giving me the game than I will take it. I have reffed both of my younger sisters and my younger brother in their games. My sisters were in a summer high school tourney that I reffed and My brother is in 7th grade and I have done many of his games.

Just call the game regardless of who is playing and call it like you don't know anyone and don't take the things people say personally, just like the others said they are just yelling at the stripped shirt it doesn't matter if it is you or someone else, they will yell. That is until we make all fans pass a rules test before they are allowed in to the game!!!! (like that will happen)

[Richard Ogg]

My first year I worked a JV game that my son played in. Very unusual situation, and everyone knew in advance. I took no grief, but it was VERY close all the way and little fun for me. (Long story, previously documented on this board.)

I now work the 7/8 grade games for my school with no problem. (Its a Christian school, and I am on the board of the church that operates it.) My normal level is high school, but I treat every game the same. Point is, when I step on the Junior High/Middle School court, a level of professionalism comes with me that exceeds what they (fans, coaches, everyone) usually see. This makes a big difference (in my opinion), and I'm normally treated very well. (Hope I don't have to retract that statement in a few days.... )

As for observing poor behavior, that is disappointing. I see this sometimes when sitting the stands as well. First, remember that forgiven implies the need for forgiveness. We are not perfect -- none of us. Second, maybe there is an opportunity to speak to someone at a later time. I'm in that position, but most people are not. Maybe it makes sense to share your observations with a key leader in the organization. Maybe you can't. Either way, we have to push on beyond the situation. Good luck.

[Paul LeBoutillier]

Yes, Christians can be dorks too, (and MOST of my games are private Christian schools) but in all fairness it is a REGULAR thing to have high school age kids come up to me after a game and shake my hand and thank me for officiating.