Watch your kid...or ref?

[zebra44]

Why am I getting pounded on this? I thought I was presenting a pretty safe inquiry. Excuse the s*** out of me.

[JRutledge]

I think no one can tell you what to do with your own kid. Some parents do not put a premium on sports and their academics are more important. After all these are just games. I know that I did not expect my parents to go to every game. They had jobs and other responsibilities. My Mom would go to home games, but never went to away games unless they were really close. This is really your call, not ours. I have no problem if you officiate the same night your kid is playing. I also would understand if you did not want to officiate. It just depends on your relationship with your kids and what you value as a family. Is Mom going to be there? That might be enough. There are so many different variables to this. Do what you feel comfortable with and if nothing else have this conversation with your kid. As Juulie said, it might not be as important for you to be there.

Peace

[Blackhawk357]

I wondered what all the commotion was about here, so I went back and re-read the original post. Don't know how this statement was missed, but until now, it went right over my head.

Originally posted by zebra44

His partner has called me to fill those 2 games, and I was to fill the other 20 or so until the father decided otherwise.

I will stand by my statement, that I will watch my kid's games at (almost) any cost. But certainly wouldn't condem anyone for, or push them to make a different decision, especially if I'm in line to get the games. I've got to give Juulie credit for sending me back to the start.

Maybe it's just too many years on the School Board, but this looks like a possible conflict of interest to me.

JMHO Everybody keep smilin' !!

Blackhawk

[Mark T. DeNucci, Sr.]

I think I am very well qualified to comment about this subject at this time.

Our sons are 14 (freshmen in H.S.) and 11 (6th grade) and both started taking swimming lessons when they were about 9 mon. old at the YMCA and they started playing team sports in the YMCA with pre-school basketball and added baseball when they entered elementary school. When they were in 2nd grade they started swimming for the Toledo YMCA Swim Team. When they turned 9 yrs old they started playing Toledo Park & Rec. basketball and baseball. The 11 yr old started playing football when 9 yrs old. Now that our older son is in H.S. he has stopped playing basketball (even though I think he would have made the freshmen team) to concentrate on swimming and baseball.

I do plan my officiating schedule, for the most part, around their basketball, baseball, and football games, as well as their swimming meets. Since I make every effort to schedule around the games and meets they have a different take on my officiating. They look upon my officiating as the same as them competing in their games and they have told me many times to go officiate. I have probably seen well over 99% of their basketball games, 90% of their baseball games, 100% of our younger son's football games, and over half of their swim meets. My scheduling of games around sporting events also applies to their school events such as band concerts, plays and other school functions.

My advice is this: family comes first. Children grow up too fast, which means that parents grow old sooner than they expected they would.

[nine01c]

Things sure vary in different parts of the country. In my area, if you have a kid on a school team, you just let your assignor know the dates you are unavailable to referee (the schedules are out early, and usually the assignors know the schedules before the refs or kids). I had the problem of a Freshman trying out and not knowing if he would make the team or not. It was understood that if he made the team, I would be unavailable for his home games and most of his away games. So, I got my schedule based on this (he made the team). However, we get games year by year (not several years in advance) and we do not sign any contracts.

We are allowed to referee at any schoool, even if we have children at that school. It is rare that a ref would officiate his own kid's game (basically never) but he may work the other levels, or gender. I will miss having a full basketball schedule to officiate, but I wil enjoy watching my son play (whether he be a starter or bench player). These next four years will go by fast and then I'll resume my usual work load.

[zebra44]

Blackhawk957, I wasn't condemning him because I feel I was robbed of games. I think this is what you are alluding to. I guess I was vague about the point of his deciding to miss his son's games only after he realized he wouldn't be playing much. Until he saw the "depth chart" he had planned on being there for his kid.

[SoFL_Rookie]

I was that 10th kid on my high school basketball team. My parents came to a few of my games and watched me keep the stat sheet. Don't know that I would have preferred they attended more. They spent a lot of time with me in other activities - debate team and church groups.

Most of the money I make officiating goes into 529 college plans for my son and for my niece. I guess my point is that it is not quite so easy a decision.

[roadking]

i schedule my officiating around my daughters games (fr/jv) wouldnt miss it for the world! i always stay for the varsity game to watch the officiating, most of the guys i know and worked camps with, but it never fails that i end up setting next to the parents that whine the most about the officials. it just reasures me that these parents dont have a clue most of the time!

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by zebra44
Why am I getting pounded on this? I thought I was presenting a pretty safe inquiry. Excuse the s*** out of me.

Zeb, I wasn't trying to start a pig pile. I don't approve of them. The question you asked is an interesting one, and very pertinent to most of us who have children.

I just think we shouldn't pig pile onto your ref person who ins't going to his kids games. It may be out of line for him, but we can't know that. I have always tried to strike the balance between the importance of my kids activities and the importance of my reffing. The way I balance those might look wrong to someone else.

No one knows what's best, and whether I'm doing what's best, or whether your acquaintance ther is doing what's best, except for a very few people who know the family well. I think that privacy is something every family deserves.

Originally posted by zebra44
Blackhawk957, I wasn't condemning him because I feel I was robbed of games. I think this is what you are alluding to. I guess I was vague about the point of his deciding to miss his son's games only after he realized he wouldn't be playing much. Until he saw the "depth chart" he had planned on being there for his kid.

I editted to add this in. I see now what you're driving at. This does change the perspective a little. "If the kid's not a star, then wth." Even so, it may be that the kid himself is embarassed and doesn't want the dad there. Does seem kinda strange, though.

[Edited by rainmaker on Dec 24th, 2004 at 12:04 PM]

[ChuckElias]

Around here, we have HS game 4 or 5 nights a week, so for me it would be fairly easy to take the nights off when my daughter would be playing and still work a reasonable (10-12 game) schedule. Plus, I could still work my college Saturday games.

But if I could only choose one, I'd have to choose to be there for my kid. I can't believe anybody wouldn't. . .

[Snake~eyes]

Officiating is more of a hobby for most of us(I think most). Just think of it that way.

[Nevadaref]

Our state has a rule that you CANNOT officiate any VARSITY contest in which a family member is a participant. If you do you are suspended for one year.
Also, teachers may not officiate the VARSITY games of their own school.

[Rich]

Originally posted by Mark T. DeNucci, Sr.
I think I am very well qualified to comment about this subject at this time.

Our sons are 14 (freshmen in H.S.) and 11 (6th grade) and both started taking swimming lessons when they were about 9 mon. old at the YMCA and they started playing team sports in the YMCA with pre-school basketball and added baseball when they entered elementary school. When they were in 2nd grade they started swimming for the Toledo YMCA Swim Team. When they turned 9 yrs old they started playing Toledo Park & Rec. basketball and baseball. The 11 yr old started playing football when 9 yrs old. Now that our older son is in H.S. he has stopped playing basketball (even though I think he would have made the freshmen team) to concentrate on swimming and baseball.

I do plan my officiating schedule, for the most part, around their basketball, baseball, and football games, as well as their swimming meets. Since I make every effort to schedule around the games and meets they have a different take on my officiating. They look upon my officiating as the same as them competing in their games and they have told me many times to go officiate. I have probably seen well over 99% of their basketball games, 90% of their baseball games, 100% of our younger son's football games, and over half of their swim meets. My scheduling of games around sporting events also applies to their school events such as band concerts, plays and other school functions.

My advice is this: family comes first. Children grow up too fast, which means that parents grow old sooner than they expected they would.

I think there are two messages that you can send here -- one, get to a bunch of games since you're kid is participating. Two, you can also send a message that while you think your kids' games are important, that you have a life too and aren't going to give back your ENTIRE schedule.

My parents didn't come to a lot of my games. They worked and I understood. For many of us, officiating is an important part of our lives and while we'll cut back, it's doubtful we will give up all of it for 4+ seasons.

I wouldn't condemn either decision, in other words. It's very personal.

[David M]

I officiated a GV game last year at the local high school. My stepdaughters, one a freshman at this school the other an 8th grader, came to watch. After calling 2 PC fouls on the home teams best player the home crowd did not like me very much (I am relatively new to the town so they don't know me). When I got home my wife told me the girls asked her why I was trying to hurt their team. It is the last game I will do at this school until both graduate!

[LarryS]

First...everyone is different and have to make decisions based on their own relationships, family needs, etc.

For me it is very easy. I WILL attend every competition for my daughter's sqaud (competitive cheerleading) just like I attended every one of my son's marching contest when he was in high school.

I am just getting back to officiating after taking a year of because off my job. The assignor for our chapter has not had a chance to see me work or get to know me. When I received my updated schedule he had given me a varsity game on a day where I am to be watching my daughter (only varsity game on my schedule so far). Without blinking an eye, I called and turned the game back.

When I interviewed for this job two years ago, during the last interview I told them that I would need to be off when my children had competitions, school programs, etc. It was not negotiable. For me...nothing short of being too ill to physically make the event...will keep me from watching my kids.