Watch your kid...or ref?

[zebra44]

Let's see how many honest replies I get. Your son or daughter is on the varsity basketball team.He/she is probably the 9th or 10th "man". You are an official. Do you go to your offspring's games, or do you ref your schedule? There is a guy around here that says "He probably won't play anyway, so I'm doing my games". He even wants to do the two games he has with his son's team, for the same reason, "What's the differece, he won't play anyway"! His partner has called me to fill those 2 games, and I was to fill the other 20 or so until the father decided otherwise. How have you folks handled it. I know what I would do.
(He also had a daughter that graduated 3 years ago, she was the starting point guard, he went to almost all her games)

[Edited by zebra44 on Dec 23rd, 2004 at 03:50 PM]

[OFISHE8]

Your kid is only in high school once. If you cannot show support now, when will it ever start? The games will be there over the next few years, your kid will not.

[OverAndBack]

I'd go to as many of his games as I possibly could, whether he expects to play or not. If he's at the end of the bench, I don't want to miss him playing on the chance he gets in. In either case, he needs parental support. I can ref until I'm 60 or so. If I lighten my schedule or only do games on days when his team isn't playing, that's fine by me.

[JugglingReferee]

Originally posted by OFISHE8
Your kid is only in high school once. If you cannot show support now, when will it ever start? The games will be there over the next few years, your kid will not.

Yup.

[OverAndBack]

The other thing is, if you officiate a game involving his team, you just know he's going to get in the game. You just know that's going to happen.

If I want to ref one of his games, I'll do it in the park, not if he's on the varsity.

FWIW, I'm skittish about coaching my kids above a certain age as well. If I was a high school coach, I'd think twice about staying in that position if my kid came up just because life is hard enough for them. I know there have been coaches who've shared the experience with their kids and all, but I'd like to spare them the talk from everybody else.

I guess if your kid is really, really outstanding or really, really not it's easier. So people don't question why he plays in the first instance and why he doesn't in the latter.

[Adam]

Originally posted by OverAndBack
I'd go to as many of his games as I possibly could, whether he expects to play or not. If he's at the end of the bench, I don't want to miss him playing on the chance he gets in. In either case, he needs parental support. I can ref until I'm 60 or so. If I lighten my schedule or only do games on days when his team isn't playing, that's fine by me.

I was that kid, and believe me, it meant a ton to have my parents at the games they came to. Go to the kid's games, ref on his off nights. It might mean a varsity ref needs to work some JV for a couple years, but there's nothing wrong with that either.

Adam

[tjones1]

Go to as many games as you could and schedule your games around his.

[Blackhawk357]

You need to support your kids. I speak from experience (read the Tough Transition thread). It doesn’t matter if he/she is on the varsity or not, go watch your kid.

I've turned back 9 varsity games so far to watch my boy play. He is a freshman on both the JV's and Varsity. He doesn’t get a ton of varsity time (5 qtr/nite rule) but I won't miss any of it.

My scheduling committee has been great about trying to replace those games with off night games. I guess that softens the blow some, but I'd do it anyway.

[refnrev]

Learn from my mistakes, my friends. My kid was the # 8 or 9 kid on the bench. I did other games when he was sitting the bench. He said it didn't mattter. Now I know that it did. I sent him the wrong message and I regret every second of it.
Now, after having long ago signed contracts he's a Varsity and JV wrestler. My wife or a friend tapes every move he makes and we watch his matches together when I get home from a game when I can't go to macthes. Won't do this next year, I guarantee it.

[ref18]

Here's one that will satisfy both parties.

See about reffing your kids games

Now that one was a total joke, I do not think anyone should be put in a situation where they have a conflict of interest.

Now, my sister played ball for the high school team (JV) and my Dad who also officiates got ot some of the games, sometimes he was working the game before or the game after. But he didn't make it to every one, but he tried to get to every one he could.

[zebraman]

If my little boy ends up playing sports (or debate or chess or violin or whatever), I will not be available to ref on the nights he has performances. Even if he's the last benchwarmer on the team, I'll be there.

Z

[RookieDude]

Originally posted by Ref18
See about reffing your kids games

I officiated my boys games...when they were in middle school. My assignor said the school would be very happy to have an experienced varsity official there...as would the visiting coach. So I did it.
My boys didn't really like it though...they said I usually called more fouls on them then anyone else. You know what, they were probably right.
They went on to race motorcross...not play H.S. basketball...so I did not have to make the choice of officiating or watching my boys participate.

BTW, I would not have officiated their H.S. games...just for the perceived bias, real or imagined.

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by zebra44
Let's see how many honest replies I get. Your son or daughter is on the varsity basketball team.He/she is probably the 9th or 10th "man". You are an official. Do you go to your offspring's games, or do you ref your schedule? There is a guy around here that says "He probably won't play anyway, so I'm doing my games". He even wants to do the two games he has with his son's team, for the same reason, "What's the differece, he won't play anyway"! His partner has called me to fill those 2 games, and I was to fill the other 20 or so until the father decided otherwise. How have you folks handled it. I know what I would do.
(He also had a daughter that graduated 3 years ago, she was the starting point guard, he went to almost all her games)

[Edited by zebra44 on Dec 23rd, 2004 at 03:50 PM]

Zebra -- If you were asking this question regarding you and your kid, I'd answer as the others have. But I don't think it's fair to ask it for someone else. You have no idea what that dad's relationship is with the kid, and what goes on between them. It's very possible that the kid doesn't want the dad there, or that the dad shows his love and support in many other ways. If the kid isn't playing much, maybe it's because he's there primarily for the exercise, and the competition isn't that big a deal to him. I really think you have to just respect the guy's privacy and not butt into his business, unless he asks.

[zebra44]

Where did you get the inference that I was going to "butt into his business"? I know what other officials in his position did around here, and the consensus is with the above posters. I merely wanted to get a broader scope of opinions, to see if his plan was deemed "acceptable".

[Adam]

While I don't imagine I'd do as this guy is doing, I would be slow to categorize his plan as unacceptable.