Coach refuses to shake hands

[johnny d]

Originally Posted by AremRed

Funny cuz I saw this same thing happen last year at a D3 game. Coach was pissed off about something and hung out at the far end of the bench and kinda waved when the refs went to shake the coaches hands. It was pretty clear he was staying away from the refs. He ended being a PITA during the game.

I guess this just goes to show that anything is possible at any level. I personally have never had this happen to me or seen this happen, nor have I ever heard of a college coach (or HS coach for that matter) pulling this kind of stunt from any official or assignor. I work in some leagues that are notorious for having coaches who can be PITAs, but I would be shocked if any of them even considered something as sophomoric as this. Like I said earlier though, the expectations at even lower level colleges are much higher, so I would be surprised if the coach at that D3 school is around for long.

[Adam]

Originally Posted by BadNewsRef

That handshake is part of this game. The coach has demonstrated he doesn't want to interact with us. There are many things a coach can do to cause interaction to cease, this is but one of them.

Exactly, I'm not bringing in previous game experience or negative interaction with this coach. He just started this game with a big fat "Eff You." Would be no different than if, in the course of the game, I needed to ask him a question and he responded by turning his back.

Responding to that behavior doesn't require being vindictive. He's just told you he doesn't want to deal with you. How does that play itself out?

Well, now I know that I can't count on him to help me with his players if they start going off the rails with sportsmanship. I'll deal with it myself, and that means I'm much more likely to need to use a technical foul.

I know I can't count on him to be reasonable if I need to remind him to get back into the coaching box.

I know that if a player fouls out, I'm just going to let him know and have timer start immediately rather than wait to see if he hesitates with the sub.

I know that if his bench is acting up, he's not going to be much help in dealing with them, so I'll use the tools I have.

I know that if he's asking stupid questions, he doesn't get the benefit of the doubt as to intent. The questions he'll get answered will be along the lines of "where's the throw in going to be".

He'll get my polite responses, but they'll be completely professional, short, and to the point. If he wants to be a jack-ass, I'm not going to get in his way.

[JRutledge]

I had a coach last year tell me after he was in my ear every time about calls, "Ref will you leave me alone."

I said "OK."

Then the very next trip on the court he started asking me a question about a call and my response was without missing a beat, "Didn't you tell me to leave you alone, you need to leave me alone." I then ignored him the rest of the game and he did not talk to me.

BTW this was a coach that was replacing the normal head coach and he was not used to officials at a certain experience level while acting as a head coach. His behavior reflected this.

Peace

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by Ed Maeder

Is this what officiating is about? Being vindictive. Work the game like any other and keep your emotions aside. We have to be bigger then that. Report and move on.

Basically you have been disrespectful, so I do not have to show you any courtesy. Talking to any coach is a courtesy. No where is it a requirement or honestly part of a requirement in officiating. Why would any of us want to talk to a guy/gal that cannot shake our hands in a ceremonial fashion that does not even show that you like or respect us in the first place? And it a person cannot shake our hands, they do not need me to say anything to them as that will be seen as another issue when I speak to them. If you wish to talk, that is on you. I have told coaches in the past when they have been disrespectful, "I am not talking you anymore." They need me much more than I need them. They need to know that sometimes.

Peace

[Ed Maeder]

Coaches are disrespectful to officials all the time. Does that mean we lower ourselves to their level.

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by Ed Maeder

Coaches are disrespectful to officials all the time. Does that mean we lower ourselves to their level.

How am I lowering myself by telling him/her where they have crossed the line? I am not yelling at them. I am not calling them names. I am telling them what there behavior has now done to our actions towards them and now you will have to pay the consequences. First of all we do this all day anyway. Unless you are someone that does not talk to coaches ever, when participants have crossed the line, we often let a coach know that either with a T or our words. I have not lowered myself to be straight with a coach. Because if I do not tell him, he is going to go around telling the story the way he chooses anyway. I have not said anything to certain coaches only for them to assume I was mad at them and half the time I am just officiating and minding my own business. If a coach wants to show disrespectful behavior, I have the right to let him know why I felt he was disrespectful. I have seen too many videos of coaches or players getting T'd up and what do they day, "I did not do anything." So why keep them in the dark and treat them like their behavior is acceptable and we are the problem? Maybe, just maybe they will realize their behavior and apologize for being disrespectful, which I would accept if it was honest and sincere. I have had coaches apologize many times when they realize when they are wrong and when they have crossed a line. And only does that happen when it is brought to their attention by someone, whether it is me or an observer.

If that is not how you roll, then so be it. I am good telling coaches what is up and have the "juice" to be supported by telling them what is up. And that is not going to change how I call the game or if they get a foul or not or call a violation or not. I have told coaches to "knock it off" only to have them assume I made a call against them. I have been around long enough not to care what they ultimately think.

Peace

[Ed Maeder]

I also have been around long enough to not care what they ultimately think. So why do you care if they shake your hand or not. I have worked into a very good working relationship with most coaches and players throughout the years and a lot of that is by earning their respect. Not by doing what I please on the court or field, but by doing what is best for the game. We agree to disagree.

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by Ed Maeder

I also have been around long enough to not care what they ultimately think. So why do you care if they shack your hand or not. I have worked into a very good working relationship with most coaches and players throughout the years and a lot of that is by earning their respect. Not by doing what I please on the court or field, but by doing what is best for the game. We agree to disagree.

What's best for the game sometimes is shutting down communication with a coach.

[Ed Maeder]

Disagree

[JRutledge]

Originally Posted by Ed Maeder

I also have been around long enough to not care what they ultimately think. So why do you care if they shack your hand or not. I have worked into a very good working relationship with most coaches and players throughout the years and a lot of that is by earning their respect. Not by doing what I please on the court or field, but by doing what is best for the game. We agree to disagree.

I think unprofessional behavior needs to be addressed. If you wish to not say anything I am fine with that fact. Just like you are not looking for my approval, I am certainly not looking for your approval off this situation. But I am going to likely say something at some point. We all do not do the same things anyway. We are not robots. We are individuals and there is a reason some individuals get to certain levels and others never get a shot. And even out of those individuals that are successful, you will hear a lot of different approaches with the same ultimate results. Just look at a guy like Jim Burr and Tim Higgins. Two totally different approaches but similar overall officiating success.

And I do not care to work with coaches. They are there to coach, not to tell me how to do my job. If they do not understand that fact, I will let them know. My goal is to call the game the right way that is asked of us by rules and philosophy, not to please a coach. Again, they need me much more than I need them. I will be onto the next game very soon and not have them the rest of the season. And if I have them later, they know where I stand. There is a reason in most cases when I have a coach one time, I do not have to deal with their crap the next time.

Peace

[Ed Maeder]

Originally Posted by JRutledge

I think unprofessional behavior needs to be addressed. If you wish to not say anything I am fine with that fact. Just like you are not looking for my approval, I am certainly not looking for your approval off this situation. But I am going to likely say something at some point. We all do not do the same things anyway. We are not robots. We are individuals and there is a reason some individuals get to certain levels and others never get a shot. And even out of those individuals that are successful, you will hear a lot of different approaches with the same ultimate results. Just look at a guy like Jim Burr and Tim Higgins. Two totally different approaches but similar overall officiating success.

And I do not care to work with coaches. They are there to coach, not to tell me how to do my job. If they do not understand that fact, I will let them know. My goal is to call the game the right way that is asked of us by rules and philosophy, not to please a coach. Again, they need me much more than I need them. I will be onto the next game very soon and not have them the rest of the season. And if I have them later, they know where I stand. There is a reason in most cases when I have a coach one time, I do not have to deal with their crap the next time.

Peace

I respect your thoughts as I always have on this forum.

[MD Longhorn]

Originally Posted by Ed Maeder

Coaches are disrespectful to officials all the time. Does that mean we lower ourselves to their level.

No, it does not. But we DO address it when they are. This particular circumstance is no different.