You Don't Say ...

[BillyMac]

Originally Posted by Rich1

The tone is too conversational/informal for an article. While it is informative, it comes across as if these are your opinions or observations but there are no factual supports so in its current state I would want to run it as a sports column/editorial and not as news article.

Another thought I had was about you, the writer. As a reader, why should I listen to you? What are your credentials? A paragraph to establish that you ARE an expert as well as some carefully placed quotes from sources will give a more authoritative tone to the piece. For the record, I know you are qualified to write this. I am only suggesting that the average reader of the publication needs to know it.

As for the last paragraph, it should simply start with "Finally, two thoughts from people..." (no need for the "and"). However, I would dump the whole paragraph and move the quote by Coolidge to the introduction. Something like -- Calvin Coolidge once said, "the things I did not say never hurt me." Of course, he was not talking about basketball, but many referees would be smart to heed this sage advice as they communicate with coaches, players, and fans of the game.

Thanks. I made a few changes (see above), per your suggestion, to my opening, and closing statements.

This is being written more as an educational tool, rather than an article for the general public. It will, if accepted by my interpreter, only be published in our local board's newsletter.

I have included biographical information, however I have not posted that information here because we have been warned by our secretary-treasurer, according to IAABO guidelines, to remain anonymous on social media.

Also, for the record, I am not qualified to write this. I couldn't write myself out of a brown paper bag.