Smart-alec comebacks

[Rich]

Originally Posted by River Ref

Remember that anything you say can and will be used against you.
I'd say it was about my second year of learning to officiate. I was at a camp to learn the 3 man. The wknd tournement game I was in was between two coaches who must have squared off on multiple occassions before and you could see the tension between them.
These teams were seated side by side on the base line with the scorers table in the corner. I thought my biggest worry was how in the heck am I suppose to learn rotations and proper reporting with a set-up like this.
Late 3rd quarter team A calls a time out. Before end of time out I see water all over the floor and tell coach to clean it up quick. Team A can't find a towel or anything (thanks game management) and so I ask coach B if they might have a rag or towel.......his responds....and here we go now...."Ain't my f---ing water". He was busy instructing his girls and making use of the delay. A rag was found under his bench and I wiped up the water with my foot. As I return with the rag,the coach grabs it from my hand and asked"And where would you like me to put it" .......My bad is coming......With a smile on my face and a chuckle I said "Well I'm not going to tell you to stick it up your a--" Minutes later I rotated out (4 man working 3) and did I ever get an ear full from the camp coodinator. I had seen his assistant leave the bench shortly afterward. Off to the coordinator I guess now.
I'm sure my words were twisted and used against me while I was only trying to lighting things up a bit.
Lesson learned.........Stick to the facts and choose your words carefully and move away from hot head coaches

You should've whacked his assistant for leaving the bench area. I'm only half-kidding.

And you need to know when you have built up enough credibility where you can use that line.

Last night I used a team's Slip-Not. Coach, who I know well, laughed and said I owed him a call. I told him, "No problem, but I'm not telling you which one it will be." We both laughed.