Lost my cool ( If I ever had it)

[Terrapins Fan]

I have done about 40 HS games this year and I work 2 church leagues ( including on I train and assign for ) I have done about 40 church league games ( about 3 to 5 per weekend. )

This is my 12th year. I love refereeing. I handle coaches and crowds well. Having said all that, for some reason tonight, I got tired of being blamed for poor coaching and lack of talent.

I "T"ed up a coach at the buzzed for the half. He had a 6 point lead. 1 of 2 shoots made and he has a 5 point lead. Anyway, at one point he takes a time out and I go to lead. As I am heading there, one of his players says " I don't like you", I think, "T" worthy, but I pass and warm him I don't need to hear that, he says "I don't care". Pass.

Coach goes down by 10 complaining all the way, the bad passes are my fault, the missed shoots all my fault. As game ends he goes into a tirade, blaming me for his loss, calling ME by name and saying I screwed him and I am nothing but a piece of crap and the worst official there. (I am the most experienced official there and the highest rated ).

I should have walked away, but I was tired of it, and I said, Yeah coach, I missed all the shoots and I made all the bad passes. He literally had to be held back from attacking me. I know I was wrong, but what could be said?

Anyone else ever get this? I have had coaches tell me I am the worst they have ever seen, I think we all get that, ( I hope ) but tonight, I had enough.

I love refereeing. If some of you remember, I had wondered the last 2 years about if I was coming back and I have had a great season. Very good experiences over all. Only about 4 or 5 "T"s for the entire year and most of those were in church league ( less experienced coaches and players ).

I have lost 20 pounds this season and feel better than ever. So, help me here, keep my mouth shut or is there something I can defuse the situation with?

[Adam]

I think you know what you did wrong afterwards, you said what we all think.

But maybe you shouldn't have passed on the second T?

[Camron Rust]

Originally Posted by Terrapins Fan

Very good experiences over all. Only about 4 or 5 "T"s for the entire year and most of those were in church league ( less experienced coaches and players ).

I have lost 20 pounds this season and feel better than ever. So, help me here, keep my mouth shut or is there something I can defuse the situation with?

Perhaps give up the leagues that put you in a no win situation. If they do not respect what they have in a quality official, perhaps they would prefer less capable officials.

[26 Year Gap]

Originally Posted by Snaqwells

I think you know what you did wrong afterwards, you said what we all think.

But maybe you shouldn't have passed on the second T?

Concur. 2nd T. He's outta there. Game improves. He can complain to the assignor.

[BktBallRef]

I quit wreck ball several years ago. But a friend who books some private schools picked up the local wrecks 2 years ago and I helped him when I could.

No more. I've come to realize that calling that crap actually hurts me when I'm work HS games. I finished out this year with him but I won't be calling it next year. Or ever again.

At this stage of your career, I would suggest you do the same. Give up the church league. Assign it if you like but I wouldn't officiate it.

As for your comments, we're all human. I don't imagine it's anything that you do on a regular basis. Learn from it and move on.

[refiator]

Originally Posted by Terrapins Fan

As I am heading there, one of his players says " I don't like you", I think, "T" worthy, but I pass and warm him I don't need to hear that, he says "I don't care". Pass.

If no one else hears the comments, good decision to pass. If loud enough for others to hear, he needs to be accountable.
I also gave up wreck leagues years ago because so many of the players are "has beens", and don't have the speed they once had to play proper defense, or moves on offense to avoid violations...and certainly don't have coaches that understand the rules.

[Adam]

Originally Posted by refiator

If no one else hears the comments, good decision to pass. If loud enough for others to hear, he needs to be accountable.

I don't get this thought process. He only needs to be accountable for what people other than the officials can hear? Seems to me the lesson here is that not holding him accountable was the mistake, regardless of how loudly he said it.

[JetMetFan]

Originally Posted by Snaqwells

I don't get this thought process. He only needs to be accountable for what people other than the officials can hear? Seems to me the lesson here is that not holding him accountable was the mistake, regardless of how loudly he said it.

Agreed. That player needed to keep their mouth shut and play, especially in a rec league. As for the coach, if you rang him up once and he kept going it's time for him to go. If he doesn't have someone else on the bench to coach the kids and he forfeits, that's his problem. As 26YG said, let him complain to your assignor.

At any rate, we've all had those days but I agree with the rest of the posts: give up the church/rec league stuff. It'll only aggravate you. For now, use this situation as a learning/growing experience.

[Terrapins Fan]

Originally Posted by BktBallRef

I quit wreck ball several years ago. But a friend who books some private schools picked up the local wrecks 2 years ago and I helped him when I could.

No more. I've come to realize that calling that crap actually hurts me when I'm work HS games. I finished out this year with him but I won't be calling it next year. Or ever again.

At this stage of your career, I would suggest you do the same. Give up the church league. Assign it if you like but I wouldn't officiate it.

As for your comments, we're all human. I don't imagine it's anything that you do on a regular basis. Learn from it and move on.

I agree, I do see that I have bad habits from Church league, we work with less experienced officials and we ball watch more.

At the league I assign, I don't ref many games, only when I can't find some one to cover a game.

I am with you, next year will be very limited in church league games if any at all.

[BktBallRef]

Originally Posted by refiator

If no one else hears the comments, good decision to pass. If loud enough for others to hear, he needs to be accountable.

So he's allowed to be as disrspectful as he wants to as long as no one else hears it?

[rsl]

I have reffed a church rec league for 4 years, but this year health stuff kept me off the floor. Instead, I trained the refs and coached a team. Every week I go early to watch the game before mine and sit with the fans.

The last two weeks in a row I have had people come up and say the new refs are terrible and they wish I was back. These are the same people who have been yelling at me for the last four years.

If you are going to do rec/church leagues, you just have to expect crap on occasion.

[26 Year Gap]

Originally Posted by rsl

I have reffed a church rec league for 4 years, but this year health stuff kept me off the floor. Instead, I trained the refs and coached a team. Every week I go early to watch the game before mine and sit with the fans.

The last two weeks in a row I have had people come up and say the new refs are terrible and they wish I was back. These are the same people who have been yelling at me for the last four years.

If you are going to do rec/church leagues, you just have to expect crap on occasion.

The "occasion" being whenever you have rec league games.

[Rich]

Originally Posted by rsl

I have reffed a church rec league for 4 years, but this year health stuff kept me off the floor. Instead, I trained the refs and coached a team. Every week I go early to watch the game before mine and sit with the fans.

The last two weeks in a row I have had people come up and say the new refs are terrible and they wish I was back. These are the same people who have been yelling at me for the last four years.

If you are going to do rec/church leagues, you just have to expect crap on occasion.

And for that reason (and others, including poor rates of pay) I haven't done a single one of these games in about 7-8 years.

[grunewar]

I actually just STARTED doing church leagues this yr and have had nothing but a positive experience. For me, so far so good. But, obviously, it's early and the jury may still be out......

[refiator]

Originally Posted by BktBallRef

So he's allowed to be as disrspectful as he wants to as long as no one else hears it?

Of course it depends on what he says, how he says it, etc. My point is that I would rather look for reasons not to call a T than for reasons to call a T.

If he walks by me and says "That call stunk" under his breath I am more likely to speak to him without calling a T than if he walks by and says that I am an "F-ing A-hole"