Gold Medal Jokes

[ROMANO]

Originally posted by Mark Padgett
Juulie - here's the one I told you last season. Juulie and I were working a game together. It just so happens that Juulie is a Quaker and I am Jewish. I told her I actually knew a joke about Quakers and Jews. I mean - what are the odds? Here it is:

There was a Jewish synagogue and a Quaker meeting house (I think that's the correct term) down the street from each other. One night, there was a fire and the synagogue burned down. The Quakers offered to let the Jewish congregation use their meeting house for services until the temple could be rebuilt.

As the months went by, members from each group occasionally attended the services of the other group. It turns out that quite a few of the Jews decided they really liked the Quaker meetings.

When the temple got rebuilt, the rabbi was holding the first services when he noticed a large number of his congregation was missing. He asked the temple president where they were. The temple president told the rabbi that they had all joined the Quakers.

The rabbi said, "What! Some of my best Jews are Friends?"

MARK
i really like you'r stuff but this to much..the jews aren't a jokes...
this IS to much i'm going to call BRAD now!
AND PS
What kind of fun does a priest have?
Nun.
Three Jewish sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said, "I've got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys reading the Torah and you know she can't see very well? I sent her a large brown parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $1,000,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks. She wrote to the first son, "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

She wrote to the second son, "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes and the driver is SO rude."

She wrote to the third son, "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
Three Jewish sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said, "I've got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys reading the Torah and you know she can't see very well? I sent her a large brown parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $1,000,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks. She wrote to the first son, "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

She wrote to the second son, "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes and the driver is SO rude."

She wrote to the third son, "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by ROMANO

MARK
i really like you'r stuff but this to much..the jews aren't a jokes...
this IS to much i'm going to call BRAD now!
AND PS
What kind of fun does a priest have?
Nun.
Three Jewish sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said, "I've got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys reading the Torah and you know she can't see very well? I sent her a large brown parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $1,000,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks. She wrote to the first son, "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

She wrote to the second son, "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes and the driver is SO rude."

She wrote to the third son, "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
Three Jewish sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third said, "I've got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys reading the Torah and you know she can't see very well? I sent her a large brown parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $1,000,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks. She wrote to the first son, "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

She wrote to the second son, "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes and the driver is SO rude."

She wrote to the third son, "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

the joke so nice he told it twice!

Anywho...

A priest and a rabbi were playing golf with Jesus. The priest hits the ball & it lands just off the green. The rabbi hits the ball & it lands 20 feet from the hole. Jesus hits the ball, it bounces off a tree and skips by a bunny, who picks up the ball in its mouth and scampers off. Just then, an eagle swoops down out of the sky, grabs the bunny & soars off...suddenly a huge thundercloud forms in the distance, a bolt of lightening cracks and hits the eagle. The eagle drops the bunny, who drops the ball upon hitting the ground...and the ball rolls into the cup. The rabbi turns to Jesus and says: "Are you gonna play golf or screw around?"

[ROMANO]

[/B][/QUOTE]

the joke so nice he told it twice!

Anywho...

A priest and a rabbi were playing golf with Jesus. The priest hits the ball & it lands just off the green. The rabbi hits the ball & it lands 20 feet from the hole. Jesus hits the ball, it bounces off a tree and skips by a bunny, who picks up the ball in its mouth and scampers off. Just then, an eagle swoops down out of the sky, grabs the bunny & soars off...suddenly a huge thundercloud forms in the distance, a bolt of lightening cracks and hits the eagle. The eagle drops the bunny, who drops the ball upon hitting the ground...and the ball rolls into the cup. The rabbi turns to Jesus and says: "Are you gonna play golf or screw around?" [/B][/QUOTE]

THAT BECAUSE I'M A JEWISH...
anywhy are you going to start a jews jokes post?..
if you do..please tell me

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by ROMANO


THAT BECAUSE I'M A JEWISH...
anywhy are you going to start a jews jokes post?..
if you do..please tell me

OK, we'll make it Jewish...

Sarah has been married and divorced 6 times. Finally, she put an ad in the local Jewish paper that said she needed a man who will not beat her, who will not run away from her, and who is good in bed. Some time later Sarah is at home and there's a loud knock on the door. She opens the door and she sees a guy with no arms or legs.
“Hello” she says, "can I help you?"
“I’m Abe, and I’m here about your ad in the Jewish paper.”
“How do I know you can meet my requirements?” Sarah says.
“Well, I can’t beat you because I have no arms, and I can’t run away from you because I have no legs” he replies.
“But how do I know you’re good in bed?” she asks.
“How do you think I knocked on the door?

[mick]

mick
Senior Member

Registered: Nov 1999
Posts: 3194
Thus it was, and thus it is.
I judge these jokes based upon personal propriety. I ask myself: do these make me laugh, may they make my wife laugh and would I have been able to make my Mom laugh.

Chuck's rope - punniest
PA Coach bell - psychist.
PCCougar's priest - guilt
Romano's Shema prayer - religious
Padgett's parrot - food
Husker blue's sandals - sex
Padgett's eating properly - health
Padgett's underwear - yech

Special mention:
Juulie – Jewish mom’s lightbulb

I offer a gold medal to Padgett, who can be warped, yet has the savoire faire to offer humor that may be served with any meal.

mick

[rainmaker]

Originally posted by mick
Special mention:
Juulie – Jewish mom’s lightbulb

Sheez, and I didn't even get the check in the mail yet!

[Mark Padgett]

Originally posted by mick
mick
I offer a gold medal to Padgett, who can be warped, yet has the savoire faire to offer humor that may be served with any meal.

mick

Gee, thanks. That and three bucks will get me a latte.

SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!

[ROMANO]

Originally posted by rainmaker

Sheez, and I didn't even get the check in the mail yet!

HI JUULIE...like you like me...

[rainmaker]

I told my dad about the contest, and he sent this.

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the First one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew down to the Ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more."I'm so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one. "Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second. "O K," said the first. So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner had they fallen asleep, then a big fat tomcat up and gobbled them up. As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...

"I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS."

[mick]

Originally posted by Mark Padgett

Gee, thanks. That and three bucks will get me a latte.

SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!

un cheque blanche


Cash it in Feeble land.