coach behavior

[dacollegegirl]

I am a mother who is new to the ball game, so forgive me if I am not to smart about things. My kids are in 5th grade and 4th grade basketball. My questions are: Is it common for coachs to hit the walls and such at ball games when they are upset with players so young and inexperienced? Is this improper behavior, as I suspect? And, what if he is not willing to change his behavior, and superintendent has no problem with his behavior?

[LarryS]

Originally posted by dacollegegirl
I am a mother who is new to the ball game, so forgive me if I am not to smart about things. My kids are in 5th grade and 4th grade basketball. My questions are: Is it common for coachs to hit the walls and such at ball games when they are upset with players so young and inexperienced? Is this improper behavior, as I suspect? And, what if he is not willing to change his behavior, and superintendent has no problem with his behavior?

I'll offer my 2 cents. "Is it common for coachs to hit the walls and such at ball games when they are upset...?" This depends on the league superintendent and the officials. An official, in my opinion, could consider this unsporting conduct even if it is not addressed to him. If I had a game where a coach at this age level conducted himself in that manner, I would tell him he needs to settle down before I misunderstand one of his outburst as being directed at me or my partner. The next outburst would get him a technical. If they are using Federation rules in the league, he has to remain seated the rest of the game. But that is just how I would handle the situation, other officials are different. This conduct, while it may be common, is certainly unacceptable.

"What if he is not willing to change his behavior, and superintendent has no problem with his behavior?" As I see it you have a few options. (1) Use this as a learning experience for your children by explaining why you think the behavior is inappropriate, make the most of this season and help you kids learn as much about playing the game as possible. (2) Find someone qualified and willing who knows what games at that level should be about (fun and skill development) to coach a team and have your children moved to that team. (3) Move you children to another league. (4) Pull them off the team and wait till next season. I have been in your position in the past, and chose option #1.

Sorry you are having a bad experience. Believe me, there are some excellent coaches out there...maybe you will be fortunate enough to find one next season.

[mick]

Originally posted by dacollegegirl
I am a mother who is new to the ball game, so forgive me if I am not to smart about things. My kids are in 5th grade and 4th grade basketball. My questions are: Is it common for coachs to hit the walls and such at ball games when they are upset with players so young and inexperienced? Is this improper behavior, as I suspect? And, what if he is not willing to change his behavior, and superintendent has no problem with his behavior?

dacollegegirl,
It would seem that Coach is too immature to be working with kids at that level. Hitting the wall is juvenile.
It would seem the superintendent has gotten what the superintendent is willing to pay for. The superintendent and the school board apparently want that role model for your kids.
mick

[RookieDude]

Dacollegegirl...be thankful that Superintendent didn't put out the big bucks and get a guy formerly from Indiana that not only hits walls, but hits kids and throws chairs across the court when things aren't going so well.

Seriously, some of these "little league" coaches try to immulate Coaches they have seen on televison. They figure if the "big time" guys can act like that, why can't they.
At this age level, 4th and 5th graders, many are WAY to competiive. (This includes parents also)
I'll leave it at that.

Dude

[Mark Padgett]

Sounds like this howler monkey hasn't had his distemper shot.

[Mark T. DeNucci, Sr.]

Originally posted by dacollegegirl
I am a mother who is new to the ball game, so forgive me if I am not to smart about things. My kids are in 5th grade and 4th grade basketball. My questions are: Is it common for coachs to hit the walls and such at ball games when they are upset with players so young and inexperienced? Is this improper behavior, as I suspect? And, what if he is not willing to change his behavior, and superintendent has no problem with his behavior?

No, it is not normal behavior. In fact, it is abnormal behavior and unacceptable behavior. If your child is playing for this coach I would advise you to run, not walk, to your principal or superintendent and set up an immediate meeting involving the coach and his immediate superior. As a parent of two boys (ages 9 and 12), I would never tolerate this kind of conduct by one of their sports coaches.

[Dan_ref]

I agree with MTD. This is unusual and unacceptable behavior for ANYONE dealing with kids. Get him replaced.

[bard]

I would just like to throw in my comment that I have not found this to be "common" behavior. (Unfortunately, it is not yet "uncommon" enough.) I, too, encourage you to voice your displeasure with the conduct to the appropriate superintendent, principal, and/or school board members. I was just elected to our local school board, and I would certainly want to know if I had a coach setting such a bad example for the school.

Good luck.

--bard

[Pirate]

Those of us that have been around the game long enough have seen this type of behavior many times. IMO, many of these coaches are there more for themselves and not the kids. These "insecure" coaches tend to be more concerned with how they are perceived (i.e., if they are winning, they must be more intelligent or better than the other coach/team) than coaching young kids the game of basketball. One suggestion I have (and I have seen it work before), is to videotape the coach during a game. Don't video the game at all, just him. Send him the tape and I think you'll be amazed at the results. If not, he needs to find another hobby.

[CYO Butch]

If hitting the walls is all he is doing, it is childish and a bad example for his players. In that case, follow LarryS's advice option 1) and help you kids learn that there are better ways to deal with frustration. If he is doing more than that, there may be a serious problem. You should talk to other parents and find out their perspectives. If they are in agreement that there are potentially serious issues, have one of you (probably you) talk to the coach about your collective concerns. Do not start by ganging up on him - that will only make him more defensive and he won't listen. If that doesn't work, then collectively communicate with league officials. If you personnally have already done so (as implied by your post), do not be the spokesperson this time. The superintendant will think it is something personal or that you are a loose cannon.

As a coach, I can tell you that we all get frustrated, and that frustration may turn us into "howler monkeys". But that frustration needs to be controlled. It takes some longer than others, and some never learn. This guy obviously hasn't learned that your sons' age groups will never be able to perform up to his expectations and he most lower them appropriately. He may be able to figure it out, but he may just not belong coaching youngsters. Just as the refs call us "howler monkeys", we call loud mouthed parents "parents from h*ll". You seem to have hit on somewhat of a cross-breed between the two.

[Hawks Coach]

You shouldn't behave like this until you start coaching MS at least. Seriously, somebody needs to take this guy aside and have a talk with him. Sometimes behavior can be modified by taking the right approach. My assistant used to be very hard on a select few of my girls, and still can have his days, but he really does care and just gets frustrated at times and lets it show. Whenever we discuss it, he is aware and makes a supreme effort to control it.

We are all human in this profession, and sometimes the best thing is to approach somebody in a responsible way and let them know the issues that you have with their behavior. If it is an emotional issue for you, it is probably better to have someone who is more emotionally detached from the problem deal with the issue. Having one level-headed person direct the conversation can really lead to some positive results and maybe have benefits for everyone involved.

Don't write someone off until you have attempted to deal with the problem and your efforts are rejected. And don't expect a 100% reversal in behavior, but steps in behavior modification. A lot of times, the person involved has no idea the impact their behavior is causing, or what they look like from an outsider's point of view. But with steady feedback and a commitment to succeed, a person can change for the better.

[Richard Ogg]

I think you will find that most of us on this board can echo the same sentiment. As each of us try to encourage you, maybe we offer a little different twist.

You didn't indicate if this is a school league (we have that at this age in our city) or a recreational league (e.g., Boys/Girls club, CYO, YMCA, government recreational department league, church league, etc.) This will affect your action a small bit. For example, if it is a school team then they might well step in and immediately do something. Recreational leagues are more likely to try to weather the storm this year and not have the coach back for next year.

Leagues are different and impossible to predict by their affiliation. I help run a church league and I've throne coaches and parents out of the gym mid-game for an outburst. Certainly I always try to calm them first, but getting in their face doesn't always help. Since I approach them from a different level of authority, the debate generally goes the direction I intend it. But, our league is very much defined as not tolerating any of that, not from players, coaches, nor parents. Our league is well know in this area for being different like this and that attracks certain families, and others go to CYO for a more competitive atmosphere.

The value of my description to you? Recognize that leagues are different. Talk to as many parents as you can about the many different leagues, and their experiences. Recognize that this information is not likely available from parents who do not have older children. You want advisors who have already been there, not ones going down the same path as you. Decide what you want for your children, and choose a league accordingly.

I view youth sports (school or recreational) as a lesson on life. It can teach dependability, team work, interdependence, accepting responsibility, etc. Generally it can teach that success does not come without effort. These things are great! I also emphasize to coaches and parents that life is not fair, and neither is every call in a game. (Yes, as an official I make mistakes. Kids miss shots. Coaches make poor decisions.) When something in the game goes to our disliking, it is a perfect example for coaches and parents to demonstrate to the kids how to deal with these things in life. Emotional outbursts are rarely the best way. But equally bad is consoling the player by blaming the officials when a team loses. This teaches kids to not accept responsibility and to always look for others to blame. Sure, a bad call might affect the outcome of a game (but not often). But so did the missed free-throws, or the turnovers, etc.

I wish you luck. If you stick with this coach, and are not able to improve the situation, at least maybe you can teach your children that this is a bad example of how to deal with frustrations in life. That will not help the coach to teach your kids, but maybe that is good too.

[tharbert]

Let me add that if you are talking about a public school program and you do take this to the superintendent, do it as a group of concerned parents. If you caught the act on video, it may be helpful to provide the school officials with "examples" and let them figure it out. Complaining solo, while it may be justified, may not have the desired effect especially in a smaller school system.

[Hawks Coach]

My only concern is that support seems to be taken as equivalent to "that guy must go - good luck getting it done - here's some advice." I would not recommend that the solution be predetermined. You want one result - the players are no longer subjected to this behavior. This means either the coach changes or the coach quits coaching.

Human resources are valuable - more specifically, people that are willing to dedicate themselves to coaching (or reffing) kids are valuable. They won't always get it right the first time, but give them a chance. Don''t write them off until it is clear that you need to do so.

[Jay R]

To add to what Hawks Coach said. When I started coaching in my early 20s, I had a tendency to lose my temper with the kids. Within a couple of years, I had matured a bit, other coaches helped me to understand that this was not appropriate for the age level. I became a better coach and a more reasonable person.