[Richard Ogg]

I think you will find that most of us on this board can echo the same sentiment. As each of us try to encourage you, maybe we offer a little different twist.

You didn't indicate if this is a school league (we have that at this age in our city) or a recreational league (e.g., Boys/Girls club, CYO, YMCA, government recreational department league, church league, etc.) This will affect your action a small bit. For example, if it is a school team then they might well step in and immediately do something. Recreational leagues are more likely to try to weather the storm this year and not have the coach back for next year.

Leagues are different and impossible to predict by their affiliation. I help run a church league and I've throne coaches and parents out of the gym mid-game for an outburst. Certainly I always try to calm them first, but getting in their face doesn't always help. Since I approach them from a different level of authority, the debate generally goes the direction I intend it. But, our league is very much defined as not tolerating any of that, not from players, coaches, nor parents. Our league is well know in this area for being different like this and that attracks certain families, and others go to CYO for a more competitive atmosphere.

The value of my description to you? Recognize that leagues are different. Talk to as many parents as you can about the many different leagues, and their experiences. Recognize that this information is not likely available from parents who do not have older children. You want advisors who have already been there, not ones going down the same path as you. Decide what you want for your children, and choose a league accordingly.

I view youth sports (school or recreational) as a lesson on life. It can teach dependability, team work, interdependence, accepting responsibility, etc. Generally it can teach that success does not come without effort. These things are great! I also emphasize to coaches and parents that life is not fair, and neither is every call in a game. (Yes, as an official I make mistakes. Kids miss shots. Coaches make poor decisions.) When something in the game goes to our disliking, it is a perfect example for coaches and parents to demonstrate to the kids how to deal with these things in life. Emotional outbursts are rarely the best way. But equally bad is consoling the player by blaming the officials when a team loses. This teaches kids to not accept responsibility and to always look for others to blame. Sure, a bad call might affect the outcome of a game (but not often). But so did the missed free-throws, or the turnovers, etc.

I wish you luck. If you stick with this coach, and are not able to improve the situation, at least maybe you can teach your children that this is a bad example of how to deal with frustrations in life. That will not help the coach to teach your kids, but maybe that is good too.