What should I do

[DownTownTonyBrown]

I'm with Chuck E. Thank him but don't appologize unless you did something more out-of-line than what you have shared with us.

Believe me, at 16 years old, you will get far worse reprimands and they will be during a real game with a crowd and the coach for whom you are working rather than a volunteer shadow. Then you will feel like you are on the spot.

Kill'em with kindness. Smile. Even tell him he was right and that you have been working on standing up straight and moving your feet. That will make him feel good and will probably put you back into his good graces.

Forget about the Shut-ups. Move on man. You've got a lot of life and officiating left to do. Based upon what you have said and everyone's responses, we are all expecting great things from you!

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by ChuckElias


Finally, since Dan shared a story, I'll share one too. Dan was even there, so he can verify it. I attended camp this summer and was scheduled for whatever game was next. As the crew from the previous game came off the court, the observer made a big deal about positioning in a certain situation. A big deal. A very very big deal. So of course, about 2 minutes into my game, I make the very mistake that he'd talked about. The great thing (so I thought) was that I realized it and slid back to the proper position before the ball was put back in play. At the next time out, the observer says to me, "You. . . you're pretty good. But you're stupid!!!" Now, I could've said "But Edgar, I slid back into position, I fixed it, blah, blah, blah". But I didn't. I kept my mouth shut.

You learned an important lesson, albeit an unpleasant one. Remember it. Have a great season.

Chuck

Nice of you to share your story seeing as how it's my story also, except I end it by saying "...and the crew after my game made the exact same mistake!"

[LarryS]

As someone who has trained youth and adults (just no at officiating), I agree that the instructor's method leaves much to be desired. That said, burn the letter!

I also would not apologize. I would however tell him something along the lines of; "Judging from you reaction the other night, I didn't do a good job of communicating with you. If my comments offended you, I will try to do a better job in the future. Thank you for your help. Hopefully we can chalk that encounter up to youthful inexperience on my part and move on without it damaging what I hope is a benefical relationship. Obviously, I have a lot to learn about officiating and someone with your experience can be a great source when it comes to advice and guidance."

If you really don't care for the guy, you may feel like you need a bath when you get home, but then a hot bath is a great way to relax.

Oh...say that in front of others. If they saw the incident, their opinion of you just may skyrocket.

[ChuckElias]

Originally posted by Dan_ref
Nice of you to share your story seeing as how it's my story also, except I end it by saying "...and the crew after my game made the exact same mistake!"

Hey, sharing my stupidity is one thing. . .

[ewiar]

First, I think I should clarify something. I'm sure that I probably was bending at the waist when he called me on it. As I mentioned I've been reffing relatively seriously for four years so it's pretty ingrained in muscle memory. I didn't argue vociferously with him. I just started to say "Really? I thought I was moving my feet." when he cut me off. I haven't reffed official league-sanctioned high-school games but rather JV age (and skill) level tournaments for the local select team. I dont' plan on sending the letter and I don't think I really did when I made the initial post. The cathartic release seems to have quelled my outrage and I think I'll be able to just let it go.
Thanks a lot for your support and advice.

[Camron Rust]

Originally posted by ewiar
First, I think I should clarify something. I'm sure that I probably was bending at the waist when he called me on it. As I mentioned I've been reffing relatively seriously for four years so it's pretty ingrained in muscle memory. I didn't argue vociferously with him. I just started to say "Really? I thought I was moving my feet." when he cut me off. I haven't reffed official league-sanctioned high-school games but rather JV age (and skill) level tournaments for the local select team. I dont' plan on sending the letter and I don't think I really did when I made the initial post. The cathartic release seems to have quelled my outrage and I think I'll be able to just let it go.
Thanks a lot for your support and advice.

As others have suggested...

Try responses like "Really? OK" and leave it. Perhaps ask what you can do to fix it if appropriate. Don't ever say, "Yeah, but....". What you said ("Really, I thought...") was really only a rephrased version of "Yeah, but..."

You will often receive advice from people that will conflict with what others say and is sometimes not just a matter of opinion but flat out wrong. You can always choose to take it or leave it. However, you must use great care in determinining who expects only a "thanks" versus those who actually encourage thinking and discussion...particularly when they can impact your career. Some people have no real interest in helping you even though they appear or state that they are. Some "help" because they are required to, are asked, or think it will help them because their real interest is only their own career.

A favorite saying of mine:

A fool never learns from mistakes.
A smart man learns from his own mistakes.
A wise man learns from the mistakes of others.

Be the wise man. Observe what others do. See what helps and hurts them. Listen to what others say. Filter out the obvious BS. Consider the rest even if you disagree,they may be right. Apply what works for you.

Unfortunately, I have learned many of these things the hard way. I believe that I could have advanced more quickly and to a higher level had I been a better listener.


[Edited by Camron Rust on Oct 30th, 2002 at 07:20 PM]

[Jay R]

Hey, you're just trying to impress us with the word cathartic.

Seriously. Good luck in your officiating endeavours.

Jay

[Tim Roden]

Ewiar, stick around and you'll go a long ways. Most of the D1 refs you see on TV got their start at your age. It takes a bit of an ego to be a good one. You've got it. We do want to hear about your situations that you come across during the season. I know Rut wants to put his 2 cents in on them. good luck.

[RookieDude]

Hey Kid,
The way you articulate things shows me you probably won't be in "smallsville" forever. You'll run off to college and hopefully continue your career officiating in whatever town you move to. Therefore, don't spend too much time worrying about this veteran dude because he probably won't be officiating in your area.

Be aware that there is a fine line between "kissing up" and being "polite", some officials get this confused!
I've seen some officials at camps following so close to the evaluators that if the guy stopped suddenly the officials nose would have to be surgically removed.

Remember this word so you can articulate even better:

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the basketball "assigner" rather than working hard.

RD

[LarryS]

Originally posted by RookieDude
Hey Kid,
The way you articulate things shows me you probably won't be in "smallsville" forever...

Be aware that there is a fine line between "kissing up" and being "polite", some officials get this confused!
I've seen some officials at camps following so close to the evaluators that if the guy stopped suddenly the officials nose would have to be surgically removed.

RD

I may be the only one that feels this way but I doubt it. If you view the games at Freshman, JV and Varsity level as "smallsville" I hope like hell I never have the pleasure of working with you. To me that implies you feel the games are not that important. NEWS FLASH: That game just may be the crowning moment in someones athletic career. Very few make it to the college level, and even fewer make it to the pros. Every game should be view as the most important game you will ever call. I worked 7th grade girls last night. From a skill standpoint, both teams left a lot to be desired. However, it was their first ever UIL sanctioned game. Kinda important for them.

As for "kissing up", you need to realize (as my father says) "Ten minutes of successful kissa$$ may be better than twenty years of experience". Many people view helping the assignment sec. or board members (calling an extra game at a camp when there is a no-show, helping them carry things in when they have a trunk full of material/equipment, thanking them for their help, etc.) as kissing up. I view that as being a decent human being. I also realize that these people are human. That means if they have a choice to make when it comes to a game assignment, they are more likely to choose (skill levels being virtually the same) the official that is polite, willing to work hard and help others in any way over an official that has a bad attitude and can be a jerk.

Just my opinions.

[JRutledge]

Originally posted by LarryS

I may be the only one that feels this way but I doubt it. If you view the games at Freshman, JV and Varsity level as "smallsville" I hope like hell I never have the pleasure of working with you. To me that implies you feel the games are not that important. NEWS FLASH: That game just may be the crowning moment in someones athletic career. Very few make it to the college level, and even fewer make it to the pros. Every game should be view as the most important game you will ever call. I worked 7th grade girls last night. From a skill standpoint, both teams left a lot to be desired. However, it was their first ever UIL sanctioned game. Kinda important for them.

As for "kissing up", you need to realize (as my father says) "Ten minutes of successful kissa$$ may be better than twenty years of experience". Many people view helping the assignment sec. or board members (calling an extra game at a camp when there is a no-show, helping them carry things in when they have a trunk full of material/equipment, thanking them for their help, etc.) as kissing up. I view that as being a decent human being. I also realize that these people are human. That means if they have a choice to make when it comes to a game assignment, they are more likely to choose (skill levels being virtually the same) the official that is polite, willing to work hard and help others in any way over an official that has a bad attitude and can be a jerk.

Just my opinions.

Larry,

Whether you like it or not, whether I like it or not, everyone does not have the same view of every level. JV games might not make one official happy and make another official estatic. I understand that it is PC to think that everyone should treat every game as the State Finals, but that is not true and will never be true. Most kids have dreams of the higher levels, I think officials should not be crucified for the same feeling. Sometimes officials appreciate those varsity and college assignments after doing Freshman games. Some of the reasons an official might not like doing Freshman games, might be all the problems and confusion that happen during them. You get kids at the table that make your job harder. You have coaches that are yelling at you like you cost them the season over one travelling call and the fans might be more rude and cruel. Or at least you can hear them more often. I agree that officials need to work hard and give the game their best effort, but that does not mean they have to like the level they are officiating. I do not like alot of lower level games, simply because I will be doing 2 person mechanics instead of 3. After doing 3 on almost every single varsity and college contest, going back to 2 means more running and working harder to get good angles. I feel like I have to call things I do not always see.

Believe me I understand your point and we should officiate our best at all times. But what officials think about some of those games is not all going to be the same. No reason to critisize the family for what they say to us.

Just my opinion.

Peace

[ChuckElias]

Originally posted by LarryS
Every game should be view as the most important game you will ever call.

Well, I guess I understand the sentiment, but I don't agree with it. I agree that you should view the game as your job and do the best job that you can in that game. View it as the most important game to the kids at that moment. They deserve your undivided attention and your best effort. If you don't feel like being there, then you should be somewhere else and let another official handle the game.

But it's just silly to say that you should view it as the most important game you'll ever do. If I work a JV girls game, I've already worked much bigger, more important games. So it can't possibly be the most important game of my career. And if I view that JV girls' game as the biggest game that I will have from this moment on, then I may as well hang 'em up.

Why? Because I work hard in each game so that I'm ready for that first game at the next level. I work my butt off in my JV games so that I'm sharp for my Varsity games. I work my butt off in my HS Varsity games, so that I'm sharp when I try to impress the observers at camp. I work my butt off at camp so that I'm ready for my first college game of the season. I work my butt off in my college games to improve myself for the chance to crack D1. So even when I am doing a varsity college D2 game, I do not view it as the most important game I'll ever do.

This doesn't apply to everyone, I realize. Not everyone has D1, or even college, as a goal. I'm just saying that you can't say as a blanket statement that the game you're working should be the most important ever. It's a nice sentiment, but it's just not realistic for a whole lot of people.

Chuck

[LarryS]

To keep this from becoming a long debate, how about us just agreeing to disagree.

I may be placing too much emphasis on particular words or interpreting them differently. I feel that if someone views the game unimportant they are less likely to give it their best effort (again, just my opinion).

My view may change over time, but not likely. Maybe I will develop the skill of giving 100% effort in a game I don't view as my most important game...in a way, I hope I don't. You see, I view every game as my most important because it is the only game I have at that time, the next game on my shcedule will be the most important when I get to it, and so on. There are no gaurantee that I will make it to the next game.

May be a little too far on the polyanna side for some, I can respect that.

[Edited by LarryS on Nov 1st, 2002 at 03:17 PM]

[JRutledge]

Originally posted by LarryS
To keep this from becoming a long debate, how about us just agreeing to disagree.

I may be placing too much emphasis on particular words or interpreting them differently. I feel that if someone views the game unimportant they are less likely to give it their best effort (again, just my opinion).

My view may change over time, but not likely. Maybe I will develop the skill of giving 100% effort in a game I don't view as a very very important game...in a way, I hope I don't.

I think all I have ever tried to get across, is that everyone does not see things the same way. You might feel the word important means one thing to you, and what is important to me or someone else might be completely different.

When I do a game it is always important for me to do my best. But because I have other goals in life and officiating, doing a Freshman B game is not going to be the biggest prioity on my list. I might actually dread the experience (usually for many other reasons not associatied directly with the game) but put my best foot forward at the very same time.

Peace

[LarryS]

JRutledge,

This is apparently a continuation of the week I have been having at work, just can't seem to communicate well.

I understand exaclty what you are saying. I even understand how you approach you games. I'm trying to say that for me, given my personal make-up, if I am not fired-up at the prospect of doing something it is not going to get my best effort. That is probably why I have "trained" myself in how I approach projects/games.

I have been doing this a far shorter time than you, and you are doing games at levels I will never reach. If you are putting forth your best effort regardless of how you view the game, great...I want partners like you and always try to be that kind of partner. I may be able to change as time goes by. I know I am better this year than I was last year and am working hard to do better next game than I did last night. I will admit that when necessary I can get myself ready for a game faster this year. I'm not as comfortable when the game starts, but once in the flow I don't find myself struggling or have problems. Maybe that is what you are talking about.

In my limited experience, when I had partners that viewed the game as something that had to do but didn't want to do, it showed in their mechanics, their comments during breaks in the action, etc. Of course, it may also have been their partner dragging them down