What should I do

[ewiar]

I'm a 16 yr. old baskeball junkie. I play, watch, ref and coach. This year I've signed up with my local officiating association so that I can become certified. Tonight I ran into a serious problem with one of the senior officials. Seven of us took turns officiating a junior-high level intra-squad game. As we moved up and down the court a senior official would shadow us and critique our performance as we went. As you might imagine it was a rather nerve-wracking experience. I've been refereeing relatively high level ball for the past four years (high school JV and under) but have received little formal instruction so my mechanics leave something to be desired. Anyways, the senior official that was shadowing me also happens to hold an executive post in the association. He’s also a bit of a jerk. He’d mentioned a couple times that I was bending at the waist to see plays instead of moving my feet. He called me on it for a third time when I thought I was doing a good job of avoiding it. When I said that I thought I had been doing it properly he went ballistic. “SHUT UP. I think you have an attitude. You’re too cocky. If you don’t want to listen to me than I shouldn’t even bother to come out. I’ve done this a lot longer than you have and I don’t come here to have some kid disagree with me.” Me: “No, sir” Him: “SHUT UP. If you think we’re wrong don’t say anything.” Now ordinarily I’d just take the reprimand and live with it but I feel he was way out of line. I’ve written him a letter that first apologizes, secondly explains why I was having difficulty changing my deeply ingrained habit and thirdly states that I feel he also acted improperly. We’re taught to never tell a coach to shut up- regardless of any insinuations about your honesty or ancestry. Why is it okay for him to show me up in front of my fellow officials, the players and the coaches? My question is should I mail the letter?

[rainmaker]

ewie--

Anybody that can ref JV at the age of 14, and write as well as you do, and spell everything correctly (except, "anyways") should be running for President! But there is a reason that the President has to be at least 35, rather than just a well-educated 16. The most important difference between you and any presidential candidate or senator, is the willingness to compromise.

I speak here from the vast, and very wise age of 46. I was the most idealistic and self-righteous 16 year old that ever walked the face of the earth. I knew how everyone ought to behave, and I never hesitated to tell them. The worst part about it was that I was usually right, and that drove everyone the craziest, including a teacher who committed suicide shortly after I humiliated him in front of the entire senior class. I was completely right in my psychoanalysis of him, and dead wrong in pointing it out so adamantly. At 46, I realize how horrible I really was acting.

You are, unfortunately, in a similar situation, although I hope with less serious consequences. Of course, you were probably right in saying that you thought you didn't do that bending thing. And of course you were absolutely right that he shouldn't have yelled at you, shouldn't have said shut up, and shouldn't have tried to deliberately belittled you.

But you need to also realize that pointing it out to him, yet again, will accomplish absolutely nothing positive. It would be so nice if people like this would receive a letter like this, and respond, "Wow, I never realized how people saw me. I appreciate your pointing it out. Is there anything else I need to work on?" It just doesn't happen. All you'll do is make him madder, and hurt your career. If he's really that much of a jerk, and I don't doubt that he is, others see it too, and his outburst will not really affect how they think of you. You might just gain some standing if you simply ignore the incident, and never, ever say anything bad about him. Other refs will like you more if they think you never say anything bad about anyone.

[zebraman]

Well if it went exactly as you said it did, I'd say you both left a few things to be desired.

You had a veteran official volunteering his time to help you out. Regardless of how he came across, his intent was to make you better and help you learn mechanics that will help you in the long run. If he said you were bending at the waist, rest assured that you were (it's easier to see than to feel). Why you had to argue with him (wouldn't it have been easier to just say, "ok, I'm working on it?") instead of just accepting his critique is the question. For him to go off on you like that, I'd have to venture that your response was pretty cocky and he probably thought, "why am i wasting my time that I could be home with the family on this kid?" People with quick triggers and quick smart-*** answers sometimes don't make the best officials.

If he went off on you like you said he did, he needs to learn a little tact. Maybe he was having a really bad day (no excuse, just a possible explanation) and went a little "over the top." Most veteran refs have become pretty good at dealing with angry or sarcastic coaches and it surprises me that he didn't just walk away and quietly say, "ok, you know it all so you don't need my help" or just say nothing at all.

Since your attitude wasn't exactly first-rate, I don't think asking him for an apology would be a good call...your actions have probably already earned you a reputation with several of the "vets" as a smart-*** cocky kid who thinks he knows it all and will never advance past J.V. ball. IMHO, if you really have the desire to ref, suck it up and YOU apologize to him and hope that he's man enough to put it behind him and move on. Maybe he'll remember that he was once a 16-year old who thought he knew more than he really did too. :-)

Z

[Tim Roden]

Before you get too irate about what you were criticized about. Get a video camera and see if you can see what you were doing. The tape doesn't lie as the saying goes. I thought I was the greatest official on the planet until I saw myself on video. I had to have wondered what that ref was doing or thinking the entire game. He(menaing me) stunk.:-)

Now as far as the vet official is concerned. Thank him for his time in helping you. I always love shadowing rookies during scrimmages. It is fun and I learn from it as well as they. Apologize. It is never wrong to be the first to apologize. It is always best to defuse the argument. Then ask him if he has any more pointers that he can give you. Glean everything you can from him and the other vets. You want a reputation for being a learner not an arguer.

[JRutledge]

I would have bet the farm that everyone would have jumped all over this veteran and tried to say how unprofessional he was to this kid. I was thinking the same thing, but would have swore that everyone would have disagreed with what has just been answered. I guess my instinct were not that far off.

ewiar, what Juulie and Z had to say is good advice. Let it go. No matter what you do, you will have mud all over you on this one. You can be right and be wrong at the same time. This is one of those times.


Peace

[Edited by JRutledge on Oct 30th, 2002 at 12:30 AM]

[mick]

ewiar,
Welcome to your first official's training. I can tell it's your first experience since you seem so surprised.

Fact: Most of us pay $200-$300.00 to go an Officials' Camp to obtain a new orifice in our body, and you got one for "Free"!

Fact: Being trained is a very humbling experience for most of us, and you have joined the club.

Fact: Had you asked this forum for advice before your first training you would have been told to work hard, listen hard and say nothing, ... unless you were specifically asked, "What were you thinking ?!!?"

Continue training, and know that your next trainer could be worse. I will not defend the trainer's actions except to say trainer's techniques will vary.

The next time you see the "Trainer", thank him and tell him you learned a lot. You may even tell him that you learned to "shut up". Humility will take you a long way in this avocation.

Put aside your hurt pride and think about what you have learned; are you better or worse? I am willing to bet you are not "chicken peeping" anymore.

mick
(initially trained and humbled at 48)

[Z REF]

First, if you really are 16, you need to be congratulated on your use of the English language and your ability to convey it in the written form. Posters constantly butcher it here, and it's refreshing to see a post that is coherently written.

Second, if you are that meticulous about your posts, my guess is that this continues to other areas in your life, including officiating. Advise: apologize to the clinician, tell him you will continue working on his advise, and ask him to evaluate you in the future to help you gauge your progress. [He could probably use some advise on being tactful and professional, but that's his problem, and we'll help him with that when he posts his message. )]

Finally...don't be a "YA, BUT" person. Be a "YES, SIR (MA'AM), I'LL WORK ON THAT" person, and you'll go a long way.

Good luck!

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by mick


say nothing, ... unless you were specifically asked, "What were you thinking ?!!?"

A genuine conversation between me & an observer:

Him: "What were you thinking on that call?!!?"
Me: "Uhmmmm, well I thought...."
Him: "Waddaya mean you thought??? Didn't you know??!!??"
Me: "Oh...yeah"

Of course he smiled & slapped me on the back soon after,
they don't all do that but they almost always mean well.
Even if their delivery needs work.

Continue training, and know that your next trainer could be worse.

And much more than likely will be better...

BTW, a kid your age who is moving up quickly will have a
horrible time with "credibility" with coaches.
Hang in there, keep at it, keep learning, develop a
professional attitude and demeanor and a very thick skin.

[Marty Rogers]

A little off the topic...but I am wondering what state allows a 16 year old to ref JV basketball? In our state, one has to be 18 to take the NFHS (IAABO) exam before he is eligible to referee HS. Maybe someone younger could sit in on the clinic, but no certification until age 18.

This situation is akin to haveing very young people coach kids (especially who aren't that much younger than them).
They are great athletes, know the game, and have a great desire to coach. However, their age (teens, early 20's)
is against them in experience and maturity (I mean dealing with people/confrontations/officials/players/parents/etc).

Although the description of the trainer's behavior was unacceptable IMO (yelling SHUT UP), I agree with not sending the letter. Try to smooth things out (hard to do when you feel the guy is wrong), tell him you didn't meant to sound argumentative, and you'd appreciate his help perfecting your mechanics. Trust that (after 4 years of reffing without mechanics training) you have multiple bad habits that will be hard to break. Listen and learn.
Good luck, I hope you stick with it.

[mick]

Originally posted by Marty Rogers
A little off the topic...but I am wondering what state allows a 16 year old to ref JV basketball? In our state, one has to be 18 to take the NFHS (IAABO) exam before he is eligible to referee HS. Maybe someone younger could sit in on the clinic, but no certification until age 18.

Marty,
Here is a link to Michigan's Lagacy program, for students to officiate JV and lower levels.


http://www.mhsaa.com/services/legacy.pdf

mick

[mj]

I agree with all of the above posts. The guy may be a bit of a jerk but if he holds an executive postion in your association, he must have the respect of his peers. Everyone has a different way of training and he was probably just seeing how you responded.

mj

[ChuckElias]

First of all, I think that if the observer really did yell at you to "SHUT UP" in front of the coaches, players and officials then he was unbelievably unprofessional. Having said that, you probably should have just "SHUT UP" in the situation, especially if he's telling you the same thing for the 3rd time. When you receive an observation/critique, if the advice makes sense to you and you think that you can use it, then put it into practice. If the advice doesn't make sense to you, then just forget about it. Don't try to explain yourself to the observer. You never ever ever want to be perceived as a guy who makes excuses, a "yeah, but. . ." guy. That will KILL you.

Second, I once heard on a radio psychologist's show (Dr. Laura, Dr. Joy, Dr. Ruth -- I can't remember which one ) that adults put good things in a letter; but say bad things face-to-face. If you're not brave enough to say something to a person's face, then it's probably not important enough to say at all. That made a lot of sense to me. So. . . if I were in your place, I would not send the letter that you've written.

Third, I'm going to disagree with something a lot of people have suggested. If I were in your place, there is no WAY I would apologize to this guy. He was the jerk; he embarrassed you. He would not get an apology from me. I would, however, thank him for his time. (It was a sacrifice on his part, even if the results weren't the best.) And I do like the idea of saying that I'd learned how to keep quiet. But an apology? Maybe it's just me, but no way.

Finally, since Dan shared a story, I'll share one too. Dan was even there, so he can verify it. I attended camp this summer and was scheduled for whatever game was next. As the crew from the previous game came off the court, the observer made a big deal about positioning in a certain situation. A big deal. A very very big deal. So of course, about 2 minutes into my game, I make the very mistake that he'd talked about. The great thing (so I thought) was that I realized it and slid back to the proper position before the ball was put back in play. At the next time out, the observer says to me, "You. . . you're pretty good. But you're stupid!!!" Now, I could've said "But Edgar, I slid back into position, I fixed it, blah, blah, blah". But I didn't. I kept my mouth shut.

You learned an important lesson, albeit an unpleasant one. Remember it. Have a great season.

Chuck

[stripes]

I read this thread with great interest. I occasionally work as an instructor at camps and teach the class for the new officials in my association, so I get the chance to do a lot of instruction with officials. I found the evaluator's tone (if accurately represented) unfortunate. I think that we all have officials we know that we don't care for or that rub us the wrong way. I think that the response indicate that the evaluator doesn't care for our new friend ewiar and this is reflected in his response. (merely an explanation, not a justification) As evaluators, our job is to teach and help. Personal feeling should be left at the door, just like in a game situation.

That being said, ewiar, I would never again respond the way you did to the evaluator. Like others have pointed out, the evaluator is there to help you and if he said you were bending at the waist, you were. I have a hard time giving advice to someone who denies that he/she is doing what I just watched (reminds me of the kids who clobber someone and try to tell you that they never touched them--they probably believe they didn't). There are generally lots of people who want to hear what I have to say, if you indicate that you don't, I will stop talking, especially if I am volunteering my time. If you don't agree with me, I'm ok with that, but you must realize that talking back will get you a reputation that you don't want. It will squash your reffing career fast.

Don't send the letter, keep your ears open and your mouth shut. Keep working hard and good luck.

[DrakeM]

One of the first words of advice I ever received about officiating camps or evaluations was, "Listen, and keep your mouth shut". The ref who told me this is now in the NBA so I think he knows what he is talking about. I agree with Rut that this evaluator was out of line. However, just as you are learing how to be a better official, he may be learning how to be a better evaluator and trainer.
If his tactic was to see how you would react, then IMO that is wrong. As long as you treated him with respect, (and I don't think telling him you thought you were working hard to not bend at the waist rather than moving to see a play better, indicates disrepect) he should treat you the same way.I have been fortunate to have been taught by some of the best in the business. Never, ever, did I feel disrespected by them. Did they ever have to speak forcefully to get their points across? Yes. But it was always done in a atmosphere of helping to improve.
Chalk it up to experience. Next time you are evaluated, listen, take what you need, and when you get more experience, discard the clutter. If you need to ask a question, do so in a non-confrontational manner. (such as "I understand what you are saying, but I have a question")
Officiating can be extremely rewarding, and a great career.
(Better than slinging Burgers when you're 16)
Keep up the good work.
Drake

[Marty Rogers]

At the next time out, the observer says to me, "You. . . you're pretty good. But you're stupid!!!" Now, I could've said "But Edgar, I slid back into position, I fixed it, blah, blah, blah". But I didn't. I kept my mouth shut.

Ahh yes, Edgar. That sounds like him!