Best one-liners from fans or coaches?

[canuckrefguy]

Need to hear some of the best lines you've heard during games....giving a speech in a few weeks, and need some good ones.

[LocDog249]

After I called a player (that is going D1 next year) for traveling when his feet got tangled up with the defenders, their coach told me "D1 players just don't fall down you know"

[Mark Padgett]

If you included comments from officials, I'd probably use up all the space on this server.

I can't think of any good lines from coaches or spectators.

OK - here's one, but there's a caveat. The spectator was actually another official. It was the Immortal Dave. I was working a game and he showed up near the end because he was scheduled to work the following game. During a timeout, he was in the bleachers and he yelled at me, "Hey Padgett - are you pregnant?" I ignored him. He yelled it again. I said, "OK, Dave. I'll bite. No, I'm not pregnant. Why do you ask?" He yelled back, "Because you missed three periods."

[JugglingReferee]

Yabut Mark, you really only work the 4th so that the game doesn't go to OT.

[BillyMac]

Comment from a good natured fan (I taught his daughters when they were in middle school): "Hey Bill, do you want me to give the dog in your car some water?"
BillyMac: "What?"
Fan: "You know, your seeing eye dog."

[grunewar]

Halftime, B12 Rec League Game.

A Coach comes up and says, "Ref, you gotta watch B5. When he sets his screens, he jumps into the player and hooks his arm and has a tendency to hold."

I said, "I haven't noticed it, but I'll keep an eye out."

He says, "Seriously, he does it all the time. I know, I taught him last year when he played for me..... He's crafty about it too."

[rsl]

On the way out after a game, a fan holds out a cell phone.

Fan: is this your phone?
Ref: No, Why?
Fan: It says "ten missed calls" on it.

[Amesman]

Originally Posted by rsl

On the way out after a game, a fan holds out a cell phone.

Fan: is this your phone?
Ref: No, Why?
Fan: It says "ten missed calls" on it.

Out of nowhere. I like it.

[rak]

- I called a foul. Whaddaya want me to do? Have the kid arrested?

- All of the good officials are working the good games.

- You're right. I am not that good. If I were, I'd be on TV today.

- (To a D I pitcher who 'had' to throw the baseball with his conference logo on it, as opposed to one from the other team -- both Wilson A1001): Throw this one. You're not good enough to know the difference.

- You coach (or play). I'll referee. When I need you're help, I'll let you know.

- (After balking a D I lefty in a 10-1 game in the 7th inning on a 45 degree day). What did he do to balk? He threw to first base one too many times.

- My pitcher's not very good today -- in fact, he'd have to improve just to suck.

[just another ref]

Actual exchange from my first year......Jr. high girls.....a woman came to me after the game to apologize.

Her: "I'm sorry I yelled at y'all so much, but that's my baby out there, and I get a little upset sometimes."

Me: "Yeah, well you know, you have a lot better view from the stands than we have out on the court."

Her: (serious tone) "Oh, yeah."

[rak]

I agree. They've been playing the game for however long, and they still put the officials on the court. But I thought the best place to watch was from the coach's seat.

[Mark Padgett]

Originally Posted by rak

I agree. They've been playing the game for however long,

I like it when someone says, "Hey - I've been playing the game my whole life." I usually reply, "Really? Even when you were a baby? I bet you were a good dribbler."

[Indianaref]

What is the best?

[zebra44]

"If you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops!"

[sj]

This isn't from a fan but is from my uncle who reffed high school games in Iowa in the 50's. Some fan was on him so he finally blew his whistle and had had enough. He walked up into the stands and sat down beside the guy. He looked around and said, "Hey, you really can see better from up here." He told me that it got a laugh and calmed everybody down.

My uncle was also famous in his parts for the night he was working a game between two catholic schools. He kicked both coaches that night. They were both priests. I said famous because some 40 years or so after it happened my dad (his brother was the ref) was in a restaurant in that area of the state and an old friend walked up to him and then proceeded to tell my Dad that that is the one thing he always remembered about my uncle was the night he kicked the two priests out of the same game. I've always thought they were good stories anyways.