Should Women Officials Seek A Mentor Of The Same Sex? - Page 4

Love2ref4Ever · #1 (**permalink**) Tue Jun 04, 2002, 07:20am

Rainmaker,
First, when I use the term "the men with the men, and the women with the women." I say that because if the men mentor the women, then the women may not get the opportunity to mentor the women at all! I just think that the women officials should reach out to the "new" women officials and let them know that they are there if they need them for advice. Personally I suggest to the women officials who reach out to me, and the ones that I have reached out to, is you don't have to give me the "label" of a mentor because I share officiating information with you. I believe labels are for "jars", I am just an official who just enjoys sharing information to whomever may wish to use it.
Also, I think the kind of understanding you and your husband has is great mine is a little different. My wife may say she is allright with women officials calling the house and stuff like that, but I know when she is really
not allright with something! So I choose to refrain from getting to close to women officials when it may apear to lead to a problem in my marriage. This is just for me, others may have something to say about this but I don't need the unnecessary drama!

rockyroad · #2 (**permalink**) Tue Jun 04, 2002, 02:03pm

Have you involved your wife in your reffing "world"? My wife had much the same attitude as your wife does (at least based on what you posted)...so I took (and still do) her to some games and to the end-of-the-season banquets or picnics so she could meet and get to know some of the people- esp. some of the women I work with...calmed her down tremendously - even to the point that I was able to mentor a younger female official in our HS association this year, and my wife was ok with that...

Doug · #3 (**permalink**) Wed Jun 05, 2002, 06:47am

ok guys and gals

My thoughts on this have slightly changed. My new partner (the guy who asked me to mentor him) told me he was 29 years old. Tonight i found out, he is really 49 years old, but has the body of a 29 year old, they all said it was a mistake anyone could make, and for me not to feel bad. I learned this at a ball game last night, and discovered this man's hidden agenda. So, now I am a little more open minded. Because I try not to pass judgement on someone until i know them, I will give him a chance tonight. I am calling him, and asking him how old he is, and if he says 29, he's not gonna be getting my help. How do all of you feel about this, i am kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place here. he also told me he was a pastor, which he wasn't...

[Edited by Doug on Jun 5th, 2002 at 06:55 AM]

Sleeper · #4 (**permalink**) Wed Jun 05, 2002, 08:09am

IMHO, I believe you trust a person until they give you a reason not to. Dishonesty is one of those reasons. Lying about age, while still lying, is at least understandable. There are people who are uncomfortable with getting older. Lying about being a pastor is a whole other issue. While I am looking at this from the outside, I would be careful going forward.

Love2ref4Ever · #5 (**permalink**) Wed Jun 05, 2002, 08:10am

rockyroad,
My wife comes to the various banquets that my organizations host every year, she knows most of my fellow officials and there wifes. She is "just not allright with somethings." In the begining when women officials may call me on the phone she will not say anything, but after a couple of months goes by she makes little comments that let's me know how she really feels. This is not a big deal for me because I know my "motives,"also I let these officials know that I am married. I beleive that I have gained more respect from the women officials who are also married because they want to be respected too by other women!