Should Women Officials Seek A Mentor Of The Same Sex?

[Love2ref4Ever]

Let's get right to the point, I have noticed that more women have been choosing mentors of the opposite sex. This
did not seem like a problem until one women official wanted more than a mentor and as a direct result some "hanky panky" to place and it has caused some problems. So my question is: Should Women Officials Seek A Mentor Of The Same Sex?

[JRutledge]

Originally posted by Love2ref4Ever
Let's get right to the point, I have noticed that more women have been choosing mentors of the opposite sex. This
did not seem like a problem until one women official wanted more than a mentor and as a direct result some "hanky panky" to place and it has caused some problems. So my question is: Should Women Officials Seek A Mentor Of The Same Sex?

You should know better, we cannot have serious philisophical discussions like this Love. You might offend the "Politically Correct" crowd that is all over this board.

But seriously, I think they should only because Women Officials would know what Women officials go through. Not to say that Men cannot be helpful and compassionate about their needs, but Women to me know exactly what they go throught night in, night out with a room full of Men. Just like I have always looked for other officials that are the same race as me to look up to and to mentor me. Officials with my background have always had different discussions about things as it relates to us. I would think that Women might have a similar situation. There are just things I might try to understand, but being a Male I probably would not consider the challenges that Women go through mainly because I would not have experienced the same thing. I would not have a clue how to tell a Women what to think about and how to deal with Male coaches if they were doing Male games. I know that coaches make comments to them differently than they would to Male officials. I know fans do the same. I think a Women Official that has been down that road would be better suited for that conversation or mentoring.

I do not think it is a requirement, but I sure think it would help.

Peace

[Love2ref4Ever]

If the men continue to mentor the women, then who will the women mentor?

[JRutledge]

I think if you are asking if Women should have one mentor, I think that is not looking at the entire picture. I think officials of any gender and any race should have several mentors. I think if you only look for mentors that look like you or have the same private parts, you might be cheating yourself. But I do feel that you should have mentors that better understand you situation. Especially when many Women might not have other Women around them to look directly at for that mentoring. Officiating is basically officiating, but for the issues that are specific to that person's situation would be much better served by someone that is of the same gender and many times the same race.

Peace

[Doug]

Alright, I will let it loose! My nickname is Doug, I am a female women's collegiate official. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I respect that. But, this is one opinion i will never agree with. Do you (men) pick your parnters by race? Please understand, i am NOT trying to be racial! There is a minority of female officials. I think that would be the equivelent of females picking females. My parnter is a male, he is 28 years old, and is very good looking (the players tell me so...), BUT nothing will ever happen there because i'm too smart for that. Officiating is the most important thing in my life right now, and i can't risk losing my partner over as someone said "hanky panky". this is my two cents worth, but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

[Love2ref4Ever]

I am not saying that women should only have one mentor. I am just concerned with veteran officials with "motives"that have nothing to do with officiating. If this stuff continues then who will say that the "new" women officials who are looking for some guidance and direction in a new advocation get side tracked and may walk away from officiating without ever knowing if they could have been a very good official. Plus the flip side, what if these "vultures" are making a bad name for male referee's who have the new womens officials best interest at hand.

[Marty Rogers]

All officials, men and women, are responsible
for their own actions, on and off the court.
If there is any "hanky panky" going on, it is
a reflection of the individuals' poor
character and bad judgment. This temptation goes
on in all work environments. It is up to
the individuals to behave maturely and
professionally, and stick to their work only.

If this woman is doing as you say, and is
interested in more than just officiating,
then the man should abstain (no pun intended)
from working with her. Remember, if any
"hanky panky" occured, it took two people to
participate. Like we tell the kids, "Just
say No."

Officials are responsible for their own
education and development as referees. They
should seek to learn from the best sources
available, including camps, reading, video,
and veteran referees. They should desire to
learn especially from the best refs, whether they be
male or female. Having only one mentor is limiting,
I think. And let's face it, as for choosing only
female role models, there aren't that many in a
lot of areas.

A woman who takes her refereeing seriously just
wants to be viewed as a "referee," not a "women
referee." I have worked with one such referee,
and she is "one of the guys" while on the court
and does an excellent job. She is just "one of
the guys" off the court, too.

[Marty Rogers]

Also, I don't think you need to lose sleep
over the "Vultures Side-Tracking Innocent
Young Female Refs Who May Never Know Their
Potential" conspiracy. Sounds a little
far-fetched to me.

[LarryS]

I think this question would apply in any vocation or advocation. As Rut said, it would be difficult (if not impossible) for me to relate to the way others treat women officials and the obstacles they face. That is where the counsel of another women is priceless. That said, I think an official should have more than one mentor. Why would someone not want to discuss the many facets of becoming a good official with the best officials. The mechanics, rules interpretations, rules application, game management issues, etc. don't change. Doesn't matter the sex of the official, a foul is still a foul.

As for the "hanky panky"...you just need to be an adult and do what is morally right...IMHO.

[ChuckElias]

I think that it's fine for an official to have a mentor of the opposite gender. The only condition I would put on this is that both people should enter the relationship without a hidden agenda (e.g., he wants to get some hanky panky). As long as the mentoring relationship is the sole reason for beginning the partnership, I have no problem with it. I would not even have a problem if a personal, romantic relationship developed from the mentoring relationship; as long as neither person entered the relationship under false pretenses. They're adults, if they want to try to mix their personal lives with their officiating, that's their decision. As always, just my opinion.

Chuck

[JRutledge]

Originally posted by Doug
Alright, I will let it loose! My nickname is Doug, I am a female women's collegiate official. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I respect that. But, this is one opinion i will never agree with. Do you (men) pick your parnters by race? Please understand, i am NOT trying to be racial! There is a minority of female officials. I think that would be the equivelent of females picking females. My parnter is a male, he is 28 years old, and is very good looking (the players tell me so...), BUT nothing will ever happen there because i'm too smart for that. Officiating is the most important thing in my life right now, and i can't risk losing my partner over as someone said "hanky panky". this is my two cents worth, but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

People pick officicals for all kinds of reasons. I know when I started I looked for officials that looked like me to see if my experiences were similar to others. I found that many African-American Officials shared similar experiences. Not so much because whites were treating us differently, but having to deal with Black coaches or predominately Black schools can be a challenge for many African-American Officials. But that is another discussion for another day.

It is nice to ask questions of an individual that has walked a similar path. When you have the opportunity to have someone of the same gender or same race that knowledge can be priceless (I am stealing that from LarryS BTW). But then again, I feel you should have mentors of all kind of officials from all different levels. I personally have individuals of all kinds of levels that I look up to and ask for advice. You should not limit yourself with the vast knowledge that is out there. You just might talk different things with different officials.

Peace

[rainmaker]

As a woman official myself, I would say that any official, regardless of gender or race, should choose the best mentor they can get, regardless of gender or race. However, I do think a woman may want to find a couple of other women to ask questions of, regardless of how good the mentor is. There are some things that men just aren't going to be able to help with. In our chapter, we have several very, very good women officials, but they are all busy and can only mentor so many other women. I have been mentored mostly by a man in our association (believe me, no hanky-panky issues), but I have called a couple of women at different times to ask questions about things that I thought Tom wouldn't have answers for. Also, there are a few women on this board who have e-mailed each other about different things.

[rockyroad]

Choose mentors who will help you become the best official you can be - regardless of race or gender...I am a white male and have 6 people I would consider my mentors: 2 are other white males, two are women, and two are African-American (one woman and one male)... heck, one of the white males is Canandian - so he's a foreigner! I chose each of them and approached them with the request to be my mentor based on their abilities, knowledge, and experience - not their race or gender...I can't honestly say I understand the positions of Juulie or Rut because I am not a woman or African-American, so haven't been in their shoes - but as an overall statement - choose mentors who will make you be better - don't limit yourself to race or gender issues...

[AK ref SE]

I have to agree with Rocky Road.....Choose someone because they are a person not because of race, gender, National Origin, or ethnicity. Look at it this way...I have had great mentors in the past when I first started. Having someone who does not look like me gives me a perspective that i may not have looked at it the same way. We are all different one one way or another from everyone we meet. We all come from different backgrounds.
Bottom Line.....Why even bring up Gender or race?

AK ref SE

[Sleeper]

How do you find a mentor? Do associations have lists, or do you just find someone and ask?