bob knight goes to heaven

[crew]

Bobby Knight, after living a full life, died. When he got to
heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a
modest little house with a faded IU flag in the window. "This
house is yours for eternity, Bobby," said God. "This is very
special; not everyone gets a house up here."

Bobby felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.
On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just
around the corner. It was a three-story mansion with a black
and gold sidewalk, 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous
Purdue flag and, in every window, a Boilermaker logo.

Bobby looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be
ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a good coach, I won
3 NCAA titles, 600+ games and I even went to the hall of
fame. So why does Gene Keady get a better house than
me?"

God chuckled, and said "Bobby, that's not Gene Keady's
house, it's mine!"

[crew]

An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the
embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table.
Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure
without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When
he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's
butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the
University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt.

Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the
cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get
his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you
won't believe what I discovered!!"

Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take
a look at this astounding discovery."

When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also
surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and
promptly removed the cork.

Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he
quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said,
"What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of
*******s sing that song!"

[crew]

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the
Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women
how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the
necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you
to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room really got
quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?"
replied the teacher. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while
we walk?"

[crew]

The rules for playing bedroom golf.

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.

Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole
and keep the balls out.

For the most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.

Course owners are permitted to check shaft before play begins.

Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.

The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so
may result in being denied permission to play again.

It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to
admire the entire course, paying special attention to well
formed mounds and bunkers.

Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played on in the past or are currently playing on to the owner
of the course being played.

Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for
this reason.

Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at
all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find
alternate means of play when this is the case.

Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled
particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time.

Previous players have been known to become irate if they
discover someone else is playing what they considered to be a
private course.

The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any
bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

Players are also advised not to play on courses where there is
no bush surrounding the hole.

Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before
attempting to play the backside.

Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several times in one match.

You do not have to let other players play through.

It is not advisable for two players to attempt the same hole at
the same time.

[w_sohl]

Thanks Crew, you have now endeared yourself to me. I am a '98 graduate of Purdue University, the finest institution in the state of Indiana. I also heard that one with Brett Farve thinking it was Walter Payton’s house.

[Mark Padgett]

A fan was sitting in the stands watching a (insert name of your most unfavorite university here) home football game and he noticed the fan next to him had a dog with him.

The home team completed a pass and the dog stood on his hind legs, wagged his tail and barked.

Later, the home team got a first down and the dog ran around in circles while barking.

Later, the home team scored a touchdown and the dog did a bunch of back flips.

The fan turned to the guy with the dog and said, "That's really impressive. But what does he do if they actually win the game?"

The other guy replies, "I don't know. I've only had him five years."

[tigerb]

Bob Knight, Denny Crum, and Dean Smith were all in a car wreck and perished. They all arrived at the pearly gates and were immediately ushered up to speak to God.

God, sitting in a fine gold throne floating above their heads, spoke to the group and asked that each person identify themselves, talk about their accomplishments, and tell him what the people thought of them.

Well Dean goes first and mentions his many winning seasons, national champions, a fine graduation rate, running a program with class and how the people of North Carolina think he was as masterful a coach as has ever been.

Then Denny began, Stating that he too has won a couple national championships, his program was one of the best around for many year, and Lousiville fans thought he was the best thing since sliced bread.

Finally Bobby gets up there and mentions his 3 national championship, graduation rate, teaching respect, the strides his Texas Tech team has made in only one year and "The people of Indiana think your sittin in my chair"

[Mark T. DeNucci, Sr.]

A die hard golfer dies and goes to that big golf course in the sky and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.

St. Peter starts to show Arnie around the golf course when they come to a par three which is 250 yards long and all carry over water. A man is on the tee and is using an eight iron. Arnie says to St. Peter: "Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?" St. Peter responded: "That is Jesus Christ, he thinks he is Arnold Palmer."