Woman Coaching Boys V

[rainmaker]

Originally Posted by Rita C

The boys sophomore coach at my local school is a woman.


Hey - that's not nice. Oh wait - you mean for real. Sorry.

I've read the replies since my response. Interesting reading.

First, there is a difference between stupidity and ignorance. Ignorance can be fixed. That's all I'm trying to do.

The comment above, as read by me, has Mark facetiously saying that BITS is calling the male sophmore coach a woman. Young men and boys are the ones I have heard using the word "woman" as an insult. Maybe most of you, including Karin and rainmaker haven't heard it used. As a teacher of middle school and high school, I may have had more opportunity to hear it used as an insult than you all have. OR it may be an insult more common to this region. I don't know. But now you know it's out there. How you use that knowledge determines whether or not you are stupid. Not your sex.

I am sure that Mark meant it as a joke. I didn't think it was funny. There was a time I thought Polish jokes were funny. I'm sure that you all thought so also. We learned. That's all I ask now.

I never said anyone was stupid. Scrapper inferred that. In other words, he was being as overly sensitive as he accused me of being.

I don't expect to convince Scrapper or anyone else. I thought rainmaker made my point very well in her responses.

Rita

Rita, thanks for responding. I'm glad I spoke well for you, but I'm glad you're now speaking for yourself. In looking over BITS' post, and then Mark's, I think what happened was that BITS was simply stating a fact.

Then Mark was being facetious, as you say, in saying that "it wasn't nice" for BITS to call the coach a woman as if it were an insult. Then he facetiously apologized for thinking BITS was joking: "Oh, wait, you mean for real." In other words, Mark was being silly and then being silly about being silly. Yea, that's Mark.

Because of your experience in hearing men and boys use the word as an insult, Rita, you ARE more sensitive, and rightly so, I think. But I don't think that's what Mark meant, actually, although I'm with you in not fully getting his intent the first 27 times I read that post. I can tell you for sure, though, that Mark isn't the type that would throw around that kind of insult, not even in jest. Neither are BITS or Scrapper. Neither are most of these guys. It's just hard to read on the board, that's all.

[Rita C]

Originally Posted by Jurassic Referee

Fixed to fall in line with your opinion of the way things ought to be?

Of course.

I grew up in an area where there were many ethnicities. The only way we can know if we are offending is to know. That means the offended party has to say something.

You wouldn't be looking for ways to be offended, would you?

Rita

[Rita C]

Originally Posted by rainmaker

I can tell you for sure, though, that Mark isn't the type that would throw around that kind of insult, not even in jest. Neither are BITS or Scrapper. Neither are most of these guys. It's just hard to read on the board, that's all.

I'm sure you are correct.

Thanks.

Rita

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally Posted by Rita C

I grew up in an area where there were many ethnicities. The only way we can know if we are offending is to know. That means the offended party has to say something.

You wouldn't be looking for ways to be offended, would you?

I too grew up in an area where there were many ethnicities. A veritable Rainbow Coalition, I guess you could say. We said a lot of very offensive things to each other back then, but the funny thing was that we were never really offended. It was just a different world. Mark Padgett will understand what I'm talking about.

Offended? Naw, I'm not one of those people who aren't happy unless they aren't happy. Life is just too damn short to worry about what the azzholes of the world are doing. And I learned a long time ago that I ain't gonna change anybody from being an azzhole either.

Illegitimus Non Carborundum, Rita.

[fullor30]

Originally Posted by Snaqwells

Hey, I said it wasn't immoral.

A flair for the obvious. Why would you even mention that it wasn't?

[Scrapper1]

Originally Posted by Rita C

The comment above, as read by me, has Mark facetiously saying that BITS is calling the male sophmore coach a woman.

Ok, you know what? I did not read it that way at all. And I'm man -- human (sorry!) -- enough to admit that I was wrong. So let's break it down again and see the oh, so offensive part:

1) Bits: The sophomore boys coach is a woman.
2) Mark: Hey, are you calling the male coach a woman? That's not very nice!
3) Mark: Oh, never mind. You were serious, she actually is a woman.

I still contend that you have to bend over backwards to be offended by the fact that Mark is saying people might interpret #1 in a negative way that wouldn't be nice, especially since you're saying the exact same thing. Aren't you? I just cannot believe that anyone can be offended by such nonsense.

First, there is a difference between stupidity and ignorance. Ignorance can be fixed. That's all I'm trying to do.

That's sweet of you. It's so non-offensive of you to assume that we "all" need the lesson. That would be like me explaining to you that 2 + 2 = 4 because I assume that "all" women have trouble with math. Gee, that wouldn't be insulting at all, would it?

Again, and for the last time, since I'm sure plenty of people are sick of this thread, I don't mind that you're offended. That's your right. What I mind is that you insult the entire male gender -- by assuming that we're all ignorant of how to spot misogyny -- while being upset that Mark insulted the entire female gender. And the amazing thing is that you really don't even see it.

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally Posted by Scrapper1

What I mind is that you insult the entire male gender -- by assuming that we're all ignorant of how to spot misogyny -- while being upset that Mark insulted the entire female gender. And the amazing thing is that you really don't even see it.

Wimmen are like that, Scrappy. It's in their genes...you know, like shopping and crying.

[Dan_ref]

Originally Posted by rainmaker

Scrappy, you are (like JR) a nice guy, but you don't see how tough it can get for the non-majority when dealing with the not-nice-folks.

I am not a nice guy, in fact I take pride in being a prick. From where I sit in the cheap seats with the other pricks all of you are just full of sh1t. It was a stupid joke meant to imply the male coach is a woman. Is it a common insult for one man to say another man acts like a woman? To practically every man in practically every corner of the world, yes (pls don't bring up gay men as an exception, most gay men are not effeminate and those that are not don't take too kindly to being called a woman). Is it OK for a woman to take offense at this type of insult? Well, if someone is looking to be offended then they'll find it. So here's the real question: is it stupid to get into a pissing contest about this in light of the fact that some of the contestants will need to be seated during the festivities?

Yes it is. It's very stupid.

[rainmaker]

Originally Posted by Dan_ref

I am not a nice guy, in fact I take pride in being a prick. From where I sit in the cheap seats with the other pricks all of you are just full of sh1t. It was a stupid joke meant to imply the male coach is a woman. Is it a common insult for one man to say another man acts like a woman? To practically every man in practically every corner of the world, yes (pls don't bring up gay men as an exception, most gay men are not effeminate and those that are not don't take too kindly to being called a woman). Is it OK for a woman to take offense at this type of insult? Well, if someone is looking to be offended then they'll find it. So here's the real question: is it stupid to get into a pissing contest about this in light of the fact that some of the contestants will need to be seated during the festivities?

Yes it is. It's very stupid.

So, you're calling me stupid? I'm not even the one that was pissing. Sheez, your aim is really going downhill...

[Back In The Saddle]

Originally Posted by rainmaker

So, you're calling me stupid?...

Not unless you've suddenly become an "it." Or a joke.

[Dan_ref]

Originally Posted by rainmaker

So, you're calling me stupid? I'm not even the one that was pissing. Sheez, your aim is really going downhill...

As I said, if you're looking to be offended you'll find it. But just to be sure I went back to see if I actually called YOU stupid.

Turns out I didn't. What I said was you are full of sh1t.

[rainmaker]

Originally Posted by Dan_ref

As I said, if you're looking to be offended you'll find it. But just to be sure I went back to see if I actually called YOU stupid.

Turns out I didn't. What I said was you are full of sh1t.

Thank you.

or

Shut up.

Whichever.

[Karin]

yes I have had the attempted insult of being called a woman in a game.Senior high school boys-I made a call on their star player and the coach yells across the court"don't worry Mark,its only a woman's call"I immediatly gave the T saying "and I guess that one is too coach."I gave the T because he was heard by the crowd and it was personal in that he was using the word as a putdown.We are instructed to respond to anything personal in this way.

As a referee I find players/coaches etc will attempt to get into my head as a "gray shirt"then they will focus on me being a female.
If I don't like the heat I can retire or I can just ignore their ignorance.What they don't seem to realise is that calling me a woman is not an insult.

NZ males tend to use the putdown of "girl"to their players or friends"what do you mean you can't run ?you are such a girl"have another drink what are you a girl?"

In every walk of life we will face sexist pigs-thankfully that generation is lessening(natural attrition)and it is easier for the next lot coming through.Yes, I came through the 70's but realistically we can't keep reacting to every perceived small insult from our collegues or else we perpetuate the stereotypes.
I am not suggesting completing ignoring and will always jump on anything for a younger female especially if I think it is an older male attempting to be funny but for myself?I can't change years of ingrained beleifs so prefer to treat with disdain.

[BillyMac]

Originally Posted by Jurassic Referee

I too grew up in an area where there were many ethnicities. A veritable Rainbow Coalition, I guess you could say. We said a lot of very offensive things to each other back then, but the funny thing was that we were never really offended. It was just a different world.

I am a fan of the FX Network televison show "Rescue Me", with Denis Leary. I am not a firefighter, nor an I a New Yorker, yet I noticed that in the show, this diverse group of firefighters in the station say some very politically incorrect things to each other, yet the bond of their very dangerous job seems to counteract the "offensiveness" of the comments.

I'm not pleased with the offensive comments, but, I'm very pleased with their laizzez faire attitude toward these comments. As Rodney King, and I have mixed feelings about him, once said, "Can't we all just get along".

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally Posted by Dan_ref

As I said, if you're looking to be offended you'll find it.

And they'll be happy when they find it too.