"Captain, are you ready?"

[RookieDude]

Captains Meeting: (12 minutes)
"Ok guys get in close,(The band is loud), This is Mr. (name) and this is Mr.(name) and I am Mr. (name). We're going to show great sportsmanship tonight...not like all that crap you see in the NBA. If an opponent falls down...you can help him up...it's not against the rules.(smile)
(pointing at the stands) All these people paid good money tonight to see you guys play...not us officials having to get all funky. Understand? (Blank stares and some head nodding) Ok, (looking at partners) do you guys have anything to add? (Usually, "No" or "Just have fun")
"Alright, shake hands (players w/ players again) and have fun!"

Coaches Meeting: (2 minutes...Visiting Coach first)

"Hi Coach, (my name), and this is (U1's name) & (U2's name)
(sometimes I'll even shake the assistant coach's hand)
...so coach, do you have any questions, comments, jokes?" (usually lightens the coach up...may have a variety of answers...such as "Not any I can tell here." etc. So far have not heard, "Yeah, 3 of um' are standing in front of me!" )
Then I end the short conference with, "OK, if you see anything out there...don't be afraid to let us know."
(I love to see their face when I say this. You know, most coaches are going to "let you know" if they see "something" anyway...I just give them permission, and he that give-uth can take away-uth.

Some of you may go absolutely nuts about this. Fine, don't use it...use what works for you and use what fits your own individual personality.