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For eight years I have never actually remembered what number a captain is, nor spoken to one for any reason. If I NEEDED to know the captain's number, I would concentrate and memorize it, but have found it unnecessary. The LONG boring Captain's meeting reminded me of this (tounge-in-cheek) rendition I devised modeled after a referee in our asso. but it's not too exaggerated:
OK, I'm the REFEREE tonight so give me the ball.
Captains Meeting: Hello Ladies (or Gentlemen). I am Mr. BIG REF, and this is my partner, Mrs. Little Ref. Does anyone have contacts, asthma, an inhaler, diabetes, epilepsy, or their period (girls only)? We are playing the black line all around except where it's red, the ceiling is out-of-bounds, keep your hands off on defense, watch the hand-checking, no taunting or baiting, shirts tucked in, no jewelry, wait for us to call you in to sub, play the whistle not the horn, wait for the ball to hit the rim on free throws. If you need us for anything, just ask, we'll try our best to explain things. Any questions? OK LADIES, play a good game and have fun.
What's that snoring I hear? Oh my, the Captains have all fallen asleep! Does that mean we start the game with a Technical? Or is it two Technicals, or four? Does the coach get one Direct T, or two? Geesh, if only I didn't bore them to sleep with all that unnecessary discussion at the Captains Meeting....
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