Goodbye Coach

[OldCoachNewRef]

First year ref. Rough Saturday. Had Freshman boys scrimmage (HS does not start real games until this Friday)at 10am and independent games at 1 (4th & 5th grade girls) and another after (7th & 8th grade girls). Did well in Freshman scrimmage (at least both coaches said good game, no complaints). Also did well in first game. I was by myself as my partner got held up at another HS scrimmage. Again both coaches said good game (knowing it was hard to do a game alone). Last game what a nightmare! We were on a tile floor and both teams were fairly physical. I made a bad call. Looked like girl had possession and fell to her knees, I called a walk, coach started screaming. Next dead ball I asked partner and he said she didn't have possession, wasn't a walk but not to worry about it. From this point on coach doesn't let up. Every call I make he gives it to me. One time shot goes up, is blocked, rolls on top of the backboard, comes down, no whistle, he goes ballistic. I tell him it's not OOB, finally his asst agrees, game goes on. Another time other team's girl receives ball, takes a step (pivot never comes down) and passes. He is screaming for a walk. As I go by, I say "Coach, you should really learn the rules". He screams "I know all the rules, you need to learn them". Half time comes, he walks up to me and says "You are the worst ref I have ever seen" I "T" him up. He says "good, go ahead". I give him 2nd T and point to the exit. He screams more, I go over to the score table and tell them 2 Technicals. 4 shots to be taken after half time (other team was half way in locker room) and ball to same team after the shots. Partner says we should have shot the Ts right then, and I should have walked away and not given the coach the 2nd T. I was so shaken up, I didn't have my head in the rest of the game and blew a few more calls I'm sure.

Just looking for some help from you experienced guys. What would you have done and how would you have handled the situation? I really felt like just hanging it up after that. Good thing I had 2 good games on Sunday with some praise from the coaches afterwards (and a great partner) or I'd still feel that way.

[mick]

Originally posted by OldCoachNewRef
As I go by, I say "Coach, you should really learn the rules". He screams "I know all the rules, you need to learn them".

OldCoachNewRef,
You gave him no out. You baited him.
Know that criticism is not necessarily a two-way street.
You banged him and then should have gone to the table, "not hearing" his next comment.

Whether, or not, the guy earned two "Ts" is your call. You were there. He crossed your line, no one else's.

As far as his not knowing the rules, let him be. His assistant probably knew you were right. Call the game. And don't don't try to reason with the unreasonable.

We learn from experience. Next time you may do the same thing and feel more comfotable doing it, or next time you choose another tack.

Fun ain't it?

mick

It remains a game.

[ChuckElias]

Wow, tough one. Here's my three cents.

1) Probably not a good idea to tell any coach (let alone an irate one) to learn the rules. He absolutely didn't know the rule in this case, but telling him that (especially the way you did) just puts gas on the fire. Kind of like telling my wife to "relax" when she really gets upset. Either find a better way to communicate with coaches, or simply ignore the comment and move on.

2) The coach deserved the first T without question. But I think your partner was right about moving away from the coach. Start walking to your partner to tell him what you have. If the coach is going to get the second T, you should make him earn it by following you or by screaming. He probably didn't deserve to get tossed for saying "Go ahead". Your reaction is understandable in such a heated situation, but that's exactly why it may help to physically move yourself away from the confrontation.

3) Your partner let you down by not attempting to diffuse the situation. He should've been attempting to create a buffer between the two of you. Maybe it all happened too fast for him to do that, but a good partner will try not to let his partner call both T's on a coach. We always say in pre-game, if I give him one, you better give the second one. That way it doesn't look personal.

Sounds like a really rotten experience. But don't let it keep you away. Learn from it. You'll be better.

[Mark Padgett]

Originally posted by OldCoachNewRef
Partner says we should have shot the Ts right then

Whatever else happened, your partner was wrong and you were right.

BTW - did you remember to stare at his pants and puke on his shoes? I mean the coach - not your partner.

[Jurassic Referee]

Originally posted by OldCoachNewRef
1)From this point on coach doesn't let up. Every call I make he gives it to me.

2)He screams more, I go over to the score table and tell them 2 Technicals. 4 shots to be taken after half time (other team was half way in locker room) and ball to same team after the shots. Partner says we should have shot the Ts right then, and I should have walked away and not given the coach the 2nd T.

1) There's your mistake right there. If he's complaining on every call, you don't put up with it. Warn him- then T him. If he keeps it up, then unload him with the 2nd. T. As mick said, do NOT make any comments back to him, except a generic "that's enough, coach".

2) No, you don't shoot the FT's for the T(s) right away. You start the 2nd half with them, then the shooting team gets the ball at center. Arrow doesn't change.

[Uncle Ernie]

Originally posted by OldCoachNewRef

1. I made a bad call. Looked like girl had possession and fell to her knees, I called a walk, coach started screaming.

2. From this point on coach doesn't let up. Every call I make he gives it to me.

3. He is screaming for a walk.

4. As I go by, I say "Coach, you should really learn the rules".

5. I should have walked away and not given the coach the 2nd T. I was so shaken up, I didn't have my head in the rest of the game and blew a few more calls I'm sure.

Well, I am sure to get blasted, but here is my humble opinions.

In situation 1, so you made a bad call. What is important is what you did afterward. You checked with your partner who offered that you may have missed it. No problem. Learn from it and move on. My concern is the coach started screaming.

In situation 2, might have been a good time to give a "stop sign," letting the coach know that was enough.

In situation 3...well, see number 2.

#4. Love the comment, but probably not the right thing to say. Of course, I was not there and do not know all that was involved. However, I would offer (again, IMHO). Try to keep comments "non-personal" when dealing with a coach. For example, maybe next time try, "Coach, that is not what I saw," or "Coach, I didn't see it that way."

5. I would agree with your partner on this one. Maybe walking away would have been better. But, were you able to walk away? Sometimes, we can not simply walk away. I believe the shots should have been attempted at the end of halftime, since the 2nd qtr had ended. But not sure.

Overall, I have one question. Where and what was your partner doing during all of this? If the coach is screaming at you or giving it to you pretty hard, your partner can step in and try to work out what is going on. Additionally, try and go to your partner and let him/her know what is going on, and see if they can offer anything.

Overall, sounds like you had a dickens of a game. These happen. Learn from it, realize what you could have done better and apply it next time. It sounds as if the coach wanted to go or just had it with what was going on.

I think often that when coaches are this upset, a partner can go over and get with him and ask him, "What is bothering you so much that you must continue to scream at the other official." Then work on that.

Don't give up!

[rainmaker]

Hey, old coach, new ref, here's the deal. If you learn from your mistakes, and also go back over your good games and learn from your successes, it's gotta get better from here. And no one could possibly be as bad as I was when I first started out, and even I got to the varsity level. If I can do it, anyone can!! Here's another secret -- try to have a sense of humor, and keep it in your head. The next time a coach yells at you, "This is the worst reffing I've ever seen!!" .. think to yourself, "...but you weren't at my game last week!" Outloud you say to the coach, "Okay, I heard you, now remember your box." and jog cool-ly down the floor. By the time the game is over, and you're leaving without any steam having left your ears, you'll feel great! And always remember my solemn promise to you, "If the rainmaker can do it, anyone can!"

[Uncle Ernie]

Originally posted by rainmaker
The next time a coach yells at you, "This is the worst reffing I've ever seen!!" .. think to yourself, "...but you weren't at my game last week!"

Best quote I have heard from a new offical....

"...Coach, you think that one was bad...wait until you see the next one...

[whistleone]

I know I've posted these before but they've helped me in dealing with coaches.

Phrases to use when dealing with coaches:
"Coach, you're right."
"I may have missed that one."
"Coach, I'm right. I know I'm right."

If the situation doesn't call for any of these three, strongly consider biting your tongue and moving on.

[hab_in_exile]

Most of all, don't let the one bad game affect your opinion of the two good ones. We have to learn from our bad games, but not at the expense of enjoying the good ones. 2 of your first 3 games went very well. Not many of us can say that!

It will only get better from here! Keep on having fun at it and learning and it will keep on being fun.

[mick]

Originally posted by hab_in_exile
Most of all, don't let the one bad game affect your opinion of the two good ones. We have to learn from our bad games, but not at the expense of enjoying the good ones. 2 of your first 3 games went very well. Not many of us can say that!

It will only get better from here! Keep on having fun at it and learning and it will keep on being fun.

hab_in_exile,
Why are you in exile?
Why are you not in Canada?
Why are you not on the hockey forum?
mick

[Mike Burns]

There were games that I had during my first year where, if it had been my first game, it would have been my last game. This is now my third year and I still have games that are not as much fun as others, but the overall experience is well worth it. I love the game of basketball and enjoy officiating.

So, you have a tough game or two...shrug...the good will far outweigh the bad.

You are not as good as you appear to be at your best and you are not as bad as you appear to be at your worst. Do the best job you can and have fun!

[Dan_ref]

Originally posted by Uncle Ernie

Best quote I have heard from a new offical....

"...Coach, you think that one was bad...wait until you see the next one...

And the other side of the coin:

"Good call ref!"
"Yep, I get one per game, that one was yours coach."

BTW the original poster let this coach get away with way, way, way too much. If he's on you the entire game it is YOUR fault.

[BktBallRef]

Well, it's all pretty much been said. What have we learned?

#1 - Don't bait the coach.

#2 - When he gets ugly, give him a stern warning.

#3 - The next time he gets ugly, bust his a$$, and get away.

#4 - BUT, if you can't get away and he wants another one, give it to him.

Now, aren't you ashamed of your behavior when you were a coach?

[Back In The Saddle]

I had a very, very, very similar experience early in my first year. Called a foul on the guy in the block on a foul shot for pushing off. Stupid play, good call. Coach goes off at me and I handle it very badly. Things with him go from bad to worse and soon he earns his first T, and keeps challenging me for his second.

It was a semi-final game in a valley-wide championship tournament and I had been looking forward to the assignment. It ruined my whole night. It ruined my whole week. It made me want to hang it up.

Luckily I had some other games scheduled in another league and I didn't want to turn them back. Got back in the saddle (no pun intended) and had a good experience the next assignment. I haven't looked back since.

Funny enough, it was just about that time in my career that I found this board.

I have to agree with what everybody has said. Deal with the coaches professionally. Get away after the first T. And don't let it get you down. All the things I didn't do that night either.

The good news is that you've got a lot of really fun experiences ahead of you. Keep going. Work hard. It's amazing how much you can improve in just one year and how genuinely satisfying that is! One year on, I can hardly remember the worthless b@stard that made me want to hang it up. I'll be working that same tournament again this year. I'm betting he won't even be there. However, if he is, and if we have trouble again, I know I'll handle it very differently. And if he needs to leave before the game is over, I won't lose a moments sleep this time.